我不想作为人，我只想为这世界出一点点绵力

我明白一段感情，得来不易。缘分靠上天，后天考经营。努力了这么久，问题一直都在。

现在不是我不想挽救或想放弃，只是到了瓶颈，我已经不懂该怎么办了。我有试着种种的沟通方式，放下期待的心情，打开心扉，想要找到出口。可是，事情往往事与愿违，一个人单方面的努力，真的是不够的。刚开始我不明白为什么，每次我想找他商量的时候，他都说‘ 为什么我们要谈，每次谈到问题， 谈到将来， 我们都吵架，不要谈可以吗？很烦啊！’ 我无言， 心想 ‘他这样的反应， 就足以证明我们真的缺少沟通, 也证明了，他很没耐心。所以事情往往都是沉默加另一个冷静期收场，我的心很痛， 而且我也很累了。

久而久之，我也不想谈了。（可能当初他一开始的心态就像我现在的心态一样吧？！）我为什么一个人要把自己困在瓶颈这呢？ 我为什么不把注意力放在需要我的地方呢？我明白了，现在不是时候来谈解决，谈将来， 把注意力放在这样一个没有反应的人，事身上，只会让我更伤，更伤。

结果， 我把注意力，转向我的事业心，多阅读 （希望）， 练习钢琴 （逐步逐步走向我的梦想）， 把CPA考好，准备进入peak period，多参与朋友，存钱给我的车，还有梦想家园。。。。。。

还有，我开始了我的助养儿童计划。我明白，借着这样的理由，开始这样一个计划，不是个很健康的开始，可是我相信，我会好好的不让它半途而废。从开始报名成为助养人，肯定信用卡捐款到助养的儿童资料寄到我家，间中历时两个星期有余。坦白说，我没有把握我会是个很好的助养人， 但是我会尽力。我选择了，中国新疆的小孩。坦白说，我还不习惯像其他人一样， 称小孩为自己孩子般称呼。这小女孩， 有着伊斯兰名字 （我忘了什么名了），是个黝黑，微胖的六岁小女孩， 上有一名哥哥（没记错的话， 不然就是弟弟）， 父母为政府人员 （不明白为什么， 这孩子为什么需要被助养， 到底这组织是怎样筛选有资格被助养的孩子？）可能他们有自己的方式，管他的， 我只想为这世界出一点点绵力。

最后，曾小姐，我祝你生日快乐，你要永远都知道开心的秘诀，远离难过的境界。过去的捉不住，该离开的很难坚持。要记得，只有放开双手, 才能捉到另一样，也才能找到更好的；只有放开双手，才有机会拥抱更美好的将来。加油 : )

谢谢你们

星期天，与有有逛了一天，真是多亏有有，陪我一天。

可是临走前，她问我611，我不是很愿意想起，可是我的脑海记忆的大门，就这样一扇一扇的打开了，往事就像记忆犹新一样，一幕幕出现在我的脑海里，一天天的折磨着我，一刀一刀的刺着我。眼泪真是流干了又在流，累了就睡。我的心情，精神完全的跌落谷底。工作频频出错。

快一年了，我以为它已经被我牢牢埋着了，可是为什么它像是昨天发生一样的剧痛。说真的，有有离开后，我的情绪就没有一点好转，反而是被眼泪代替了。可能很多人都不明白，会问回我，‘这没什么大不了的’。。。。太多这样的回应，让我也不愿多说什么了。

可是昨天， CLH说了一句我很安慰的话‘我明白你的说法，没有遇到过的人是不会明白的’ 【原来还有人认为我不是错的，只是比别人还早遇到罢了】

今天， 我打给有有，感谢她为我打抱不平，可是我请求她到此为止，别再追问了，我不想再想起，我想要埋藏一切的人，事，物。她说了两句 ‘你说得对，LY真的是偏袒她’ 我说她的不是了。 还有， ‘别说事情没什么大不了， 我明白，每个人都有别人不能触碰的底线，你有你的底线’

我只能说， CLH， 有有， 谢谢你们.

Study leave started !!!

My study leave starts and will last for 18 days, more exactly is 17 days as one of them is exam day.

Somehow, i was so demotivated. I gonna forced myself with some achievable target as well as rewards. Haha : )

Then i think it can work well gua. I hope so.

Wish me luck, guys : )

最后的大学日子

最后一个学期，最后一次在大学的考试，最后一次在大学准备考试的紧张，最后一次在魔力温书的日子，最后一次冲刺，心里真是又矛盾，又不舍 （当然不是指考试）。不舍的是，时间真的过的很快。我会想念大学生活。

小的时候，时间快快过，甚至就真的坐在时钟面前，看时间过，想赶快像大姐姐他们一样，向往自由，什么都能亲力亲为，独立的样子。10多岁，又想要快点到20岁，打扮漂亮女生的感觉， 20岁了，结果来不及享受打扮漂亮的日子，就只忙大学考试， 转眼间，24岁了，开始懂得岁月的残酷， 开始不想长大了。。。有时还希望时间停止，而我继续往前走。

回首刚刚报到大学的时候，好像还是是昨天的感觉，感觉就是笨笨的，什么都不懂，什么都好有趣，什么都新鲜，选择会计也是很突然的决定，还想自己适不适合会计，四年就快过了。

• 我要感谢陪伴我的朋友们
• 我要感谢大学的老师们
• 我要感谢大学里的每一草草木木
• 我要感谢考试的煎熬，让我知道我平时有多懒惰
• 我要感谢背叛我的朋友，让我知道这将来社会是怎样的
• 我要感谢帮过我的每一个人与物
• 我也要感谢还我的人与物
• 我更要感谢生我的父母，没有他们，我都没有机会说感谢了。。。
• 我还要谢谢我自己，尤其是让自己正面成长的自己， 我爱自己

• 大学是我恋爱的开始
• 大学是我看清社会的开始
• 大学是我学习安排时间的开始
• 大学是我学会照顾自己的开始
• 大学是我学会独立的时候
• 大学是我开始学会看电影的时候（thanks to 学生价）
• 大学是我开始学会唱k的时候
• 大学是我开始参与活动的时候
• 大学是我会出外喝茶到半夜的时候
• 大学是我参加晚会的开始
• 大学是我知道Mcd重要的存在
• 大学是我有一大堆assignment的时候
• 大学是我用电脑最常的时候
• 大学是成为division director 的时候
• 大学是我学习最多的时候
• 大学是我发现自己信心与勇气的来源
• 大学是我最常出外找好吃的时候
• 大学是我开始学煮的时候
• 大学是我生青春痘最严重的时候
• 大学是我找到自己生活的意义的时候
• 大学是我学会压力大时学找释放压力方法的时候
• 大学是我参加最多achievement的活动的时候，e.g: marathon, IVAQ External PR Director

p/s: 大学是我又爱又恨的日子

Penang Bridge Marathon #3

continue.......

The event started from 3.45am. When the whistle blowed, all of us started our run, i tried my best and used up stamina for the run. Along the way, i realised many of them were veteren, some of them were auntie. Their stamina wasn't weaker than me because sometimes they really run faster than me i can say. When i almost used up all my stamina, my mind was still 'finish the run within the presribed time', at this time, i saw one of the participants, took pictures of others and the night view. Then i told myself, 'why should i torture myself that much?' Can't i enjoy the run instead of take it as a MUST?

Therefore, these are the photos taken along the way during the run. My SE W595 can't really function like DSLR for night view scenery. so i might skip that night view part.

'4.09am: photo view-approaching to the Penang Bridge'

'Shot at the middle of the Penang Bridge'

'100 plus distribution station each 5km after 5km from starting point'

Of course i did not just taking photo and give up my run. I stop a while for some snap shot, then i continue to run. In facts, the action do help me to re-charge my stamina. I do enjoy the run.

'5.04am: completed half way, going my way back, 10km passed'

'5.34am: My way back - Middle of the Penang Bridge'

Here is when my feet muscle start feeling pain, and also my heart feeling ache and weak, so i slower down my speed and get medical assistance from PBSM-they gave me iced spounge to relief my pain. Thanks to them again! ' For half marathon, 15 km passed and 6km left for half marathon; for full marathon, 17km left'

At first i was thinking of giving up since it was already 6am (i thought the prescribed time is on 7am and i dunno where is the end). Along the way, i met an aunty, she encourage me to get the medal and certificate for finisher runner by saying that i have 1 hour and 15 min more to go. Thanks to her, i get back my encourage and continue my run.

'6.09am: Running down from the Penang Bridge'

'male statue-marathon along the way'

'female statue along the way'

'12km left for full marathon'

'7.00am: Half marathon - 1km left'

Tadaaaa........

' I made it'

p/s: of course there is pain behind the glory, so, im in recovering period as expected!

Penang Bridge Marathon

Anyone interested in Penang Bridge Marathon. There are quater, half and full marathon. If i am not mistaken, there is 10km for quater run, 21 km for half and 40km for full marathon.

For me, i havent been to Pulau Penang before, no harm for me to visit to Penang Bridge before my explorataion at Penang. I took up the tournament. Oh, instead of saying that is a tournament to me, it is just a challenge or mission impossible for me. Haha.....

Anyway, i took up the half marathon, it was just like the journey from Muar to Malacca i think. For more information, i will try to update asap.

For more information, refer here

GODIVA - Chocolatier

I always told my friends or whoever around me, i love choco very very much, especially dark chocolate. I prefer less sweet taste choco. You know what, choco is some sort of my medicine. Choco not only can can release my temper, it can also heal my tiredness as well as upset, in other words it make me happier. Furthermore, choco also heal my whatever pain. (Im sure, some of them out there sure say, im bluffing, but it is exactly, obsolutely true especially for those who suffer a lot when 'da yi ma' visiting HER) So, i would like to introduce my choco set with 15 different mixture of choco flavour. ( Thanks AW for your imported choco set! )

Let's go and take a look!

'1st review' (Watch out your saliva)

'Does it look yummy?'

OK, Let's start our choco journey, whoever feel interested, follow me: (left to the right)

First row:

• Toubillon Praline (Milk - Hazelnut praline)
• Coer Noir ( Dark - Dark chocolate Ganache )
• Tourbillon 85 ( Dark - 85% dark chocolate ganache )
• Coeur Blanc ( White - Hazelnut praline )

Second row:

• Lune Passion ( Dark - White chocolate paste with passion fruit )
• Lady Lait ( Milk - Apple and cinnamon chocolate paste )
• Volupte Lait ( Milk - Milk chocolate ganache )
• Lady Noir ( Dark - White chocolate ganache with vanilla from Madagascar )

Third row:

• Volupte 72 (Dark - 72% dark chocolate ganache )
• Perle Amande ( Milk -Roasted almond cream )
• Eclat Feuilletine ( Milk - Hazelnut praline with feuilletine )
• Mosaique Macadamia ( Milk - Roasted caramelized Macadamia nuts and praline )

Last row:

• Moelleux Caramel Cholat ( Dark - Chocolate caramel )
• Signature Blanc Cafe ( White -Coffee flavoured chocolate paste )
• Lingot Noisette ( Hazelnut praline with hazelnut pieces )

So, how? Does your saliva found on the floor from your mouth? Haha......

Transformation of thought

First of all, 'Hurray' another Friday night is arriving. This is the day i'm looking forward since every Monday. Last time, i used to looking forward Friday's arriving also to go back my home sweet home last time. I used to call my mum and ask her why she never call me, then mum will sure answer me ' my dear, do u know today is only Wednesday and i just called u last night'. I will like '........oh ic. i thought it is already Thursday or Friday.' Friends who know me well sure familiar my 'serious illness - homesick'. At that time, i will ask my friends, 'will u guys miss ur parent?'. They replied 'like that lo'.......

Although i'm having my intern at Muar, still i will looking forward the arriving of Friday too. However, the reason behind is totally different from last time. Im sure u will understand what does it mean right if u do read my previous post. Even though stock take at JB, Malacca, Kluang or anywhere will do as long as bring me away from Muar will do, i will be more than happy to leave.

I'm really under quite a amazing level of stress until my hormone unstable, make me feel so sleepy even though i take enough 8 hours rest. No matter how, i will still ensure im tough enough.

I still remember what my friend told me.....she face problem when her piano exam approaching, her fingers twisted easily especially she practice more often, but she told herself that, at least she still own her fingers. At first she thought she is so bad luck, however, at least she can still sit for exam whener she wants to. This make her feel ease.

What do u think? Will this work?

Gathering with EZ & Winnie - SKS #2

After the gathering, EZ fetch us to my house, because Winnie wanna visit my house. When i fetch her back home, She hugged me in front of her house and say 'Be tougher & brave'.

My heart feel warm and touched, even though it was just 4 words. I know she can sense out whatever problem and 'disaster' i met so far. Although she assist me, but these few words really impressed me a lot and enough encouragement for me to go on. I know i am not alone.

Ya, Winnie, what i need now, is just some encouragement. I know only time can cure my problem now since i have done my best. Thanks a lot.

相信是最好的等待！

选择了的路就要走下去，要相信暴风雨后就会出现彩虹， 既然已经跌落谷底了，还能再跌吗？那，就是反弹的时候了。相信是最好的等待！

我会有明白的一天的，我相信总有一天我会放下， 不再在乎了。我很在乎亲情，出外升学，与妹妹们的感情逐渐疏远，自以为引用这半年这时间来 ‘抢救’ ，可以找回昔日我们姐妹们一起嬉戏的憧憬，看来这些已成过去。

我以为用真心对待可以换来亲情，原来原因才是重要。关键是，问题到底出现在那儿? 我努力想尽各种办法问候，帮忙打扫家务，电脑坏了，马上维修；却换来，我是有私心的。我有私心？怎么私心了？电脑不是都你们在用吗？我只是要寄报告给老师， 你们也讽刺说我故意等你们要用电脑是霸占它，我要如何霸占了，我六点才放工，琐碎事做完了，八点才有空，我又怎么知道你们几时跟朋友有电动游戏约呢？

原以为会想家的我，想念家的感觉会很折腾，万万都没有想到，想家的痛苦远远不及失望，委屈，心碎的苦还让人难受。每个人都说我最幸福了可以住在家，吃家里的，用家里的，可是如果你们知道还要看妹妹们的脸色委屈的求存，你们还会羡慕我吗？

由于我的适应能力差，工作程序还没完全掌握，更不用说与人与人之间的沟通了。虽然用了两个月的时间慢慢适应他们的沟通方式，我还是会继续加油的。我已经努力过了，要是失败，我才不会后悔。这条路是我选的， 我会笑着接受这一切， 让它变得有价值。我相信这些也是我生活上的训练。