Showing posts with label specifically for someone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label specifically for someone. Show all posts

Friday, 17 April 2015

播放了六年半的情歌,最终画上休止符了!

昨晚,我约你见面,说是为了让我move on,就让我们重回当初开始,拍拖以及你求婚的地方。其实,我是别有用心的。放工后,我就去你家载你,虽然你一直坚持要开车,可是我真的害怕看见不想看到的东西,就建议你开我的车。我们先去Simply Fish吃晚餐,因为你说我爱吃鱼,心里小窃喜,只因为你还记得。你把车泊在店对面,当我们正要过马路时,你逆向往常- 护着我过马路的举动,你离我一段距离,自己过马路, 心里顿时落寞起来。order食物时,你说你猜到我会order almond crust snapper因为我爱almond (又是小窃喜,整晚就是这么复杂)。我指着我们上一个庆祝情人节的位置,问你记得吗?你说你忘了(心里抽痛了一下)。我拿起手机照片,证明我没有撒谎,你的反应是’把它删除吧!对sk公平一点‘ (我成功把眼泪止住)。吃完晚餐,你说我们走吧!去瀑布了!

到了瀑布,你一如往常对我说’车锁匙你拿着,要是有什么事情,你先跑,现在你不是我的女朋友了,我没有义务保护你‘ (没有义务,那你交锁匙给我干嘛?但是你的回答始终割了我一刀)我下车, 一步步走进去,眼泪终于止不住,当我们走近你求婚的地方,我开始痛哭失声。待我稍微冷静了,你指着前面的台阶,说就是那里,你问我是否要成为你的女朋友,然后没等我的回答,就牵起我的手,走下台阶,从此我就做了你六年半的女朋友。我哭着跟着你走上台阶,你说’我们就在这,画上休止符‘。我彻底的崩溃了。我大声喊着,‘为何当初你没有经过我的同意,就强制牵起我的手,做你的女朋友!你转过身,看着我,没有说话。我向前抱着你哭,求你不要这样。你说你认真考虑了几个夜晚,这样的结局对我们俩,和我们的各自都公平。我帮你回忆了,这里也是我的moral presentation时买了两只小鱼,一只放生,一只埋葬的地方。你直说点头说你还记得。然后,你分析了很多:

  1. 我们之间没有共同点,共同兴趣,
  2. 我们的想法都已经改变,
  3. 我们的父母,朋友都会反对我们复合,
  4. 我们就是深爱着对方,可是给予对方的痛已经根深蒂固,
我辩驳说,你还未找到女朋友之前,为什么又给我寄来’李圣杰的重来‘,说你不理任何障碍,一定要追回我,感动我。接着你说,你反复思考过后,既然决定放下,接受新的恋情,牵起了她的手,你不会轻易离开了。我问你,往后若我俩都单身,我们是否还有机会。你说,不可能。一,你不要再经历我给过的痛,所以不会再给我机会, 二,你不会允许自己在感情里失败。我努力挽回,述说着,我们是缘分,命中注定的,我们的旧车,road tax都是对方的生日,这是上天的安排。你回答‘我们都各自都在去年四月五月分别换车了’。我说‘我能感应到你的不开心,我能梦见你很多很多事情,这一切一切不单单只是缘分,我已经把我的灵魂,我的心交给你了。我告诉你,我后悔了,我的脾气,我的原则让我离开了你,我会改的,我不会重复了‘。你不发一语,望向瀑布。然后,你对我说,我们就像破碎的杯子,没办法维修了。我说,’我们不要维修了,我们就为对方成为新的,全新的杯子,你摇头说,太迟了,不可能了!‘

话毕,你拿出两个硬币,一个银币交到我手上,对着前前面的瀑布说,我曾经说过这是我们的许愿池,我们的爱从这里开始,在2013年3月22号你求婚时破裂了。你说硬币代表我们的感情,现在你要把我们的感情放下,说完,你手一挥把手上的硬币,不,是我们的感情,抛出去。眼泪让我的视线变得模糊,我望向瀑布,手里握着硬币,迟迟不能做出任何举动。我只知道我的眼泪,已经像是没了开关的水管,拼了命的流。我把手上的硬币交给你,告诉你,‘我现在把我的真心,最后一次,交在你手上,现在由你来决定,你还要不要我,还要不要我们的感情。’ 你愣在哪,看着手上的硬币,又几秒,然后转向我说‘对不起’, 把硬币往外丢去。我再一次崩溃了,我蹲下,抱着双脚,痛哭了不知有多久, 你才把我拉起来,示意要离开了,然后向前走。我往前跑,从后抱住你,你说‘我们还是朋友,什么困难你还是会帮忙我。’我回答‘对不起,我没办法和你成为朋友,你的任何消息都会牵动着我的每一根神经!’

我们回去MMU - CLC0001,我们第一次相遇的地方。我要求你牵着我的手。这里没有什么改变,只是多了好多自动饮料,零食贩卖机;反而是我们变了,我们的关系变了,从深爱的情侣变成陌生人。我们走去mosque square 我告诉你,我们在那里一起做cyber preneurship project,当时,你会傻傻地盯着我看,盯着我笑,然后来拉拉我的手,不然就是来给我加油。我问你‘还记得吗?’你点头,不发一语。然后,我坚持走进lecture hall,由于刚刚放学的关系,还有学生在里边,我牵你走进去,指着我们第一次见面的位置,你显然很不自在,说学生们都看着我们,你不好意思了。你往常的自信, attention seeker不见了。你拉我离开教室。走着去拿车时,我问你,可否抱起我,就像以前一样,你时不时都会趁我不注意抱起我。你载我去FBL buidling后面,下车,抱起我,就像你在提哑铃一样,以前你曾说我是你的人肉哑铃,可以帮你健身。很快的,你坐回车里开车,示意要离开了。我问你,怎么那么赶时间,其实我知道,她在等你吧!看着眼前这个曾经那么爱我,视我第一位的男人,真的已经离开我了。

回你家的路上,我把你以前去KL出差都会给我买的sticky candy - love series,第一次,也是最后一次送给你。你看着手上的sticky,对我点点头。你到家了,下车了,我看着你头也不回的快步走进家里。最后一次了,你也没有不舍得,我停在你家门口,看着这个曾经是我第二个家的屋子,崩溃在驾驶轮盘上。回家路上,我崩溃了。一路到麻坡,我的眼泪库干了。我不敢回家,怕妈妈担心,独自在驾驶在二桥,这是你第一次来麻坡,走错的路,我记得你最后停在醒华小学等我,妈妈载我去找你,那是2007年1月11日- first month anniversary,那时下着大雨,我跑向你的车,一进车你就拿出一束花和一枚戒指,然后你show我另外一枚戒指已经戴在你的手上 - 是一对情侣戒指。你还记得吗?

再痛,我也得删除所有回忆了。
再痛,也是曾经。
再痛,也得割舍。
再痛,也得面对,这次,我再也逃避不了了。
再不舍,也得放手。

你真的好狠的心!

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

笑着比忍着不哭还难受

在别人面前开怀大笑,其实比忍着不哭,还辛苦,还难受。

昨晚,为了把自己弄累,除了吃药,还做家务。结果,还是想联络你, 就给sk一个简讯,得知他睡着了,就自个儿听歌,直到睡着。早上,sk注意到我微肿的眼睛,责问昨晚是否又崩溃,我企图扯开话题,可是他却严加逼问,我没有否认,他就开始责骂,就这样我们不发一语得到达公司。我明白,他要‘救我',可是我把它视为’不谅解‘。因为他不知道我是吃软不吃硬。

到了公司,我又开始我的‘面具’ - 若无其事,专注的工作,企图让自己更加忙碌。然后我发现,其实这是有效的,越是忙碌,越是解脱。我发现我在公司丝毫没有因为你的事情影响,偶尔想到,难过一下,就马上找工作做,我就得以解脱。但是我发现我因此变得很offensive,对顾客同事说话带刺,根本不理别人的感受(当然,我的感受我都可以忽视了,他们算哪根葱?)当下,我决定就这样来面对sk吧!(因为我不想过着每天吵吵闹闹的日子,也不想害他心情也受影响)而且,越长时间保持的愉快,可能康复得越快。

sk来接我放工时,我都是笑脸迎人,他建议我们去看戏 (Final Fantasy7)我拒绝了,因为想要快点回麻坡一家pharmacy买一种咳嗽药水 (舅舅推介),他已经咳嗽快一个月了,我非但没有关心,还为了你哭了几天。我应该多注意他,关心他。

翻了翻fb,你说你看了 FF7,幸好刚才我没有同意要去,不然撞见你们,我的’面具‘就会破功了。好不容易,得知自己无法忘记,放下你,就尝试适应这样的活着(和它并进),现在得以让自己正常的活着。我不想我的保护膜还没准备好,又受‘攻击’。

结果,虽然sk还是很怀疑得看着我 (不敢相信这个面前的我跟早上那个是同一个人),不过起码我们是有说有笑的回家。这刻,我知道我做对了。

其实,得知你的 status后,我不敢去逛街,我害怕撞见,真的很怕。我想离开这里,我知道我无法面对,无法释怀,我只能选择逃避。我肯定,因为经验所至。

我不哭了,因此我笑得更大声。

Sunday, 5 April 2015

永别了,我最爱的你

自从Dec 2014 你说你想追一位女生, 我就开始荷尔蒙失调, 经期来了整个月, 一直头晕,见了gynae,他建议我试用yaz避孕药来调, 他说这是最少副作用的药物。他说的副作用是肥胖和饮食的改变。刚开始,我半信半疑的开始实用, 没想到发生在我身上的副作用竟然是皮肤干燥导致皮肤发痒。我开始服用感冒药来解决面对的皮肤发痒问题,结果我开始过着浮浮沉沉的日子,因为药物drowsy的关系。 一个月过去了,我想放弃,我撑得很累,大不了就一直来经。可是sk很支持我,本来我们轮流开车,他却选择自己开车,让我在车上睡觉。我也告诉你,不要再更新你的消息了,我发现我无法面对这些后果,你也默默的接受。吃了这个药,我的情绪开始失控, 时不时就拿sk开刀。他也是人, 有时他当我发神经,不理睬我; 有时,他会把我骂哭。也难怪,试问有谁可以面对,三不五时,找他麻烦的女朋友。之后的那次吵架,我把他‘逐出’了我的朋友名单,为了逃避他的监视。

终于,也就是今天 - 四月五日,我最后一天的药了。就在昨天-四月四日,你简讯告诉我,你交往了。得知这消息后,原本昏昏沉沉的我,突然泪如雨下,像世界末日一样,就快把心脏哭出来,也在社交网站贴出很emo,为了你很崩溃的讯息。有心的朋友们都纷纷来安慰我,我跟sk共同的朋友,就暗示着我这样说着对ex的眷恋对sk有有欠公平。也因此我的经期又开始多了,腹部开始剧痛,这三个月控制着的症状都出现了。我的眼睛哭肿了,我把自己封闭了。我以为的康复原来只是这样,只是潜伏在记忆某个角落。

其实,有天我走进一家餐馆, 惊见貌似你父母的背影,我吓得后退,心神不宁我就知道自己不妥。借由你的status更新让我狠狠倒下。一直以来,我知道我们无法回去从前了,毕竟我伤害了你。我找着非得回到你身边的理由,也没有,完全没有。就算我从sk身上明白了,你是多么的爱我,宠我,纵容我,包容我,我也因为原则问题,无法回去你身边。还爱不爱你?答案肯定是爱。回不回去你身边?答案还是不能。我们当初会分开,不是因为不爱,而是我在你身上看不到未来,得不到婚姻安全感,你当时的注意都放在bersih,rotary, lynas......你的安危让我压力很大,你的不顾家,让我很没有安全感。

回过头来,我发现sk再不比你包容我,在这期间,他都是呆在我身边,看着我哭,一语不发,拍拍我的背,拿着手帕擦干我的眼泪,让我睡着了,才离开。第二天,会来我家监视我的饮食,就算我不吃,也会带我常会去的餐厅,看看我是否找得到食欲,要不然就会逼我吃上几口。当我情绪比较稳定了,在慢慢开导我。回想起来,都是sk默默忍受,陪伴着我这段没有你的日子。既然你已经拥有了你的她,我不用担心你了。我想我可以真正死心了,好好培养对sk的感情。

永别了,最爱的你。

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Spectacles- this is how you protect me

Ever since i took out the spectacles he bought for me, i felt like i'm watching him. Why did i took out the spec? Coz i cried for few hours the night before, thus my eyes were swollen like a frog. I got to 'hide' myself behind something. Now, i'm taking it out again while blogging, I felt you!
 
So, i choose to hide behind 'you', like how i always did. The spec you bought me when you got yourself a new spec. Actually, my eyes was fine, but in order to be compatible with you, i request a spec. In the end, you bought me this computer lens - to protect my tiring eyes. However, the spec doesn't only protect my eyes from computer screen. It also take his role as shed for my swollen eyes. After we broke up, i did not cry for first few months. I was fine, totally fine. I felt relief, i felt the freedom, my foot step is light and carefree, i still live on with my routines as usual, until the month of Dec  - the anniversary month, our first Christmas, the month i fall in love with you through how you protect me at Portuguese Settlement. I went Portuguese Settlement again......without you by my side. I passby every corner we went through, the memories flew through my mind like it happen yesterday. I was still fine until you told me, you spent your count down date with a girl. I felt heartache, my heart is bleeding. At that moment, i started to feel and realise that we are apart, we are no longer togther. We used to count down, spent any festival together ( i'm the one who insist to celebrate every festival). Ever after we broke up in June 2013, i don't celebrate any festival anymore. I don't feel the need anymore. What i regret the most is - i did not record every moment, every festival that we went through these far, only memories you left, and i know memories will fade away, It is just a matter of time. Sooner or later, you will get on with your new life holding new partner's hand and so do i.
 
I used to imagine, how would i behave if i ran into you on the street one day with your loved one. Will i ran off? Will i step forward and smile with you? Do i have any encouragement to do so? or i will stunned there? Or i would hope i'm not a lone soul.
 
I knew, you will only move on when i got my happiness (i believe on what you promised, in facts, i'm regret for you to promise)
 
No matter how far i go, you are the only one I LOVE DEEPLY. I will still love you until you found someone to love you like i did. By that time, i hope you will get your happiness, move on, have own kids (remember, let your kids grow like how they should be, don't insist on sending your boys to taekwando, don't get yout nightmare on them, i believe, they won't get bully coz they have you - just like how you protect me) but please do not forget me. Please keep me at a corner of your heart. 

Monday, 14 April 2014

A familiar stranger

Once, we were lovely couple, but we were now stranger to each other .
 
10 months passed.... physically i left Malacca but my soul and mind stay where we belong and where we went. I knew we are over, our memories are past tense. I chose to go, i have to go, for career development, for my future and for my goodness sake.
 
One of a sign of destiny, we are both driving a car with road tax expired on each other birth date, It wasn't put it on purposes. It is just destiny. If you believe, then there is. However, destiny know it meant nothing to us now, Therefore, we are giving them (the cars) up in Apr and May 2014 respectively. I'm pretty sure, this is also destiny to call off our fate for this life.  I'm glad for you and at the same time, i'm upset as you move on without our memories - the car that carries all of our memories, our first meet, our first trip, our first date, our first prom, our first movie date, our first supper, our first Christmas eve, our new year.........
 
Life goes on with our own new car. Driving the old car, can no longer match us up, patch us back. Time won't reverse. Within a year, our destiny changed drastically and totally.
 
We are now stranger, familiar stranger. I love you, stranger.

Friday, 18 June 2010

互相尊重是感情的元素之一

我不知道我的决定,会不会让我后悔。 我只知道,我真的,忍受到了极点,容忍到了极点。我也有自尊心,你不会尊重我,我就起码还能选择尊重我自己。这几天,只是该不该出席的问题,已经烦恼了我很多天了,如今我看开了许多。‘那是你的问题,不是我的
你应该还记得,我说过的话,在这个世界上,有太多所谓的 ‘坏人’ 在我的生命中,虽然我没有反抗的能力,可是我至少还有保护自己的权利,我的方法没有改变过,痛过了,血流过了,我会选择离开。我没能像你们一样有心计,会玩伤害。对我来说,所谓朋友是用心交的,更何况是另一半,我从来没有把感情当赌注,当儿戏,我是认真的。你的不成熟,我选择用心等待,用心灌溉,我们一起成长,一起学习,我没关系。可是,你是否有那么一秒在伤害我之前,为我着想, 我会怎么样?还是,只要好玩就行了,享受当下,后果是不在考虑范围其中?好,就算是,你无心的, 事后可有想过好好解释,好好道歉。我知道我很生气,所以我选择离开,冷静了几天,我回来要求解释,道歉,你承认你错了。可我不认为你有反悔之意,不然你也不会说,‘对不起,。。。。满意了吗?’
当时我宁愿你没道歉。我选了冷静的几天,你完全不闻不问,当那件事没有发生过,我的心意完全被践踏了,可我还是选择相信, 你有苦衷,回来想问个明白,却得了一个,‘满意吗?’
若你认为你没有错,为什么认错?要是你认为你真的错了,你应该这样回答吗?
对不起,我有我的自尊心, 我选择不去参与你的盛会,我没有办法笑着面对你,还有你所有的亲戚。与其,带着一张面具让你难堪。 与其,忍辱恭喜你,我选择维持我的自尊, 默默为你献上祝福就好。
因为有始至终,我没有看到你希望我参与的意愿。你会邀请一个人时,只告诉她日子而已?几点还是她自己上网找的。。。什么样的穿着才是恰当的,我没去过法庭啊!。。。。交通呢?我要怎么出席,你有想过要安排吗?明天就是了,我可今天都还是什么也不知道。你真的有希望我的出席吗?你明白这种不受重视的侮辱吗?
就算我知道最后,我一定会后悔,我宁愿后悔,也想保持住我最后的自尊心。

Thursday, 17 June 2010

恭喜你

我知道明天是你的大日子. 恭喜你,终于守得云开见月明。这显示了,当初你决定选择法律并没有错,跌跌撞撞,你还是做到了,真替你开心。我知道你等这天,等了很久了,也辛苦很久了, 你的辛劳真的都没有白费,你看到成果了。我替你欣慰。
听说明天,你的亲朋戚友都会当场为你庆祝, 要感激他们不惜拿假, 放下手头上的工作,只为你喝彩,恭贺你。今后,你可要更加加油, 做得更好。
你的父母辛苦了这么多年,可以看到你踏出成功的第一步, 他们一定更加高兴, 要好好孝顺他们。他们可能唠叨,可能不明白你想参加的比赛,好好解释让他们知道有些荣誉, 会让你增加自信心, 让你更有信心与勇气面对以后的种种挑战。
至于我,是,在你没有任何成就前,我就跟你一起了。是我前世修来的福气不够,没有这等荣幸到场为你祝贺,也没能在你成功后,在你身上沾什么光,我只能在世界的另一个角落献上我最深的恭喜。家平,恭喜你了。恭喜你,你的事业更上一层楼了。好好将你的事业,知识,量力而为的回馈社会。记得,没有家,有国又怎样;同样的, 家里没能打理好,就一心只为社会,到头来,你会觉得你什么也不是,就像你回到家,看到缭乱的家里,你会没有归属感的。好好想想吧!

痛苦

我不会把无辜的人卷进你不成熟的举动里。
我不会不代表,你可以在我面前,跟别人为所欲为, 当我是死的。我也是有感觉的。我试问我没有这样不顾你的感受,在你面前,跟别的异性,打闹得不理四周围的眼光。为什么这样的事情你可以不理别人的眼光,可是你却要在他们面前要我跟你保持距离,我知道在朋友面前不需要太靠近,但是需要保持距离到你在东,我在西的程度吗?
你知道我的limit在哪里。。。。所以当我跑开,你会慌张,因为你知道你错了。。。那为什么在你做错前,你不会想想,对我的伤害有多大呢?为什么要伤害我之后,才道歉?一个错,让我痛苦了几天,对,是我想不开,为什么别人犯的错,我的自己承担几天。我以为我能放得下在眼泪几经干枯的情况下,原来我不能。因为你是我相信,我真心爱的人,因为相信,所以难以相信,你会这样。我没有想到的不成熟会到这种地步。
你知道我很伤心,可是你的问候呢?问你,最近电话怎么那么少,你只回答,你很忙。。
可是我却被haunted了几天。我承认我很会压抑,因为我压抑六天了,每天的流泪,却没让我失去理智,也没有表现出来,因为我在朋友家。我已经不知道我该该怎么办了。我已经没有办法了, 我真的帮不到自己了, 我真的被阴影 ‘捉’ 走了,我很想 ‘逃走’ 可是, 我还是失败了。你可有想过要 ’救‘我?刚才你问我我再干嘛,我能说我再 ’失控‘ 吗?
你是道歉了,可是你毕竟做错了,这几天,你做了什么显示你忏悔呢?还是,你岑有想过要做什么弥补吗?有吗?还是你认为,我是咎由自取?活该?
你有空看球,你有空上吉隆坡玩,就没空解决我们的问题,放着不理, 问题会自动解决吗?你认为其他的事情永远比我们的事情来的严重,可是我们已经自焚了,你看见吗?你关心吗?
我们之间有那么多问题了,而你还要去吉隆坡帮别人,你会觉得很讽刺吗?你问为什么要有期限?你认为工作都没有试用期吗?好,你会说感情不是工作,那你认为我还有多少个三年可以任你浪费?
我一直被你的荒谬事情干扰着,你有弥补你的错吗?有吗?为什么六天了,你还是不闻不问?为什么你还是说你忙,还是给一大堆借口?不想弥补,还是不想解决了?
我认识的你,去了哪?

Wednesday, 16 June 2010

是自己傻!

洞是自己挖的; 人是自己选择要相信的;幸福是自己判断,选择要托付的;所以一切后果都得自负。自己种下的孽,自己得承受。
放不下也是自己活该,不该这么看不开。不该让自己的鼻子被牵着走,喜怒哀乐不该让他都有份参与其中。自己的生活为什么他应该有份参与?自己的人生为什么他 有份干扰?他的不在乎,为什么我得痛苦; 他给的伤害,为什么我不能选择不要承受;为什么他的无知最后受伤的都是我?为什么他常挂在口中最爱的人,是他选择应该自私且伤害的对象?他明知道我有永远 都会留疤的伤口,他选择他就是那位拨开我的伤口再撒盐的人?为什么要让我一蹶不起?!
为什么是他?为什么?为什么是我那么相信的他?
三年多了,信任?不再了。伤口?被掀开了。认识?不再是我认识的他。问题?一辈子也不会解决方法了。反正他也没想过要解决。
我不会说我被你害成怎样了,我只能笑说。。。自己傻

Friday, 11 June 2010

To My so-called Elder Sis

I'm so down, i really don't know what can i do to nurture her and make her to be a better person or at least ensure she is on the right path. Ok, of course the 'wrong path' for me, is maybe a 'right path' for her, but some 'path' obviously will affected others and hurt others. Those kind of 'path' i will treat them as 'wrong path'. Just be it. I had enough, she is really gone too much. I tried my best and so many ways to contact with her with high consideration on her pride. Ok, i know we will not be communicating in normal way or chatting, so i leave an email message for her. who knows she insulting me openly. Ok, i do have pride so i hope since i respect yours, i hope u will do the same to me. However, you did not and you hurt me this far. Ok, i will stop breaking and knocking my brain to find whatever ways out for you. As long as u won't interrupt and hurt both my beloved family members & i , i won't interfere you especially when u do those 'stupid' thingy. Just go do whatever u think is correct and helpful for you. That is your life, not our responsibility to guarantee how your future & current life gonna be. Please do take care, I hope God and Deity can forgive what u have done so far and won't give you up.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

与心灵的坦诚

致:想知道孩子心与忽略孩子心的父母。。。
原以为星期天下午,能有足够的时间与心灵沟通。一直以来,我都有这种习惯,想知道这一星期以来,内心的自己是否快乐,是否满足, 可是坦诚的结果全是悲,悲,悲!我是典型的双鱼座,不只是期待浪漫的邂逅, 爱情,也注重内心的感受。 与心灵接触的时候,是我把心掏出来,赤裸的面对自己的时候,也是最诚实的时候。
为什么身边的人都不是我想象的诚实, 可靠?为什么当我面对自己时,看到的都是被陷害的样子。我知道现实社会里,难免有勾心斗角的时候,可是,我祈祷这些事情不会发生在家人与家人之间。当你说你们把我当家人般看待,我雀跃不已,家人对于我而言非常的重要,所以我掏心掏肺,诚心对待。可是,对于家人的我而言,我的感受是不应该被重视的吗?我也是人啊!我也有重要的事烦心,我也有责任在身上的。难道,你们认为,家人是用来利用的吗?家人的感受是可以被忽略的吗?你们可以不关心我,可以不慰问我,我无所谓,可是你们忽略我的感受,要我为你们放弃我的学分,我还能视而不见吗?
为什么父母就不能相信自己的孩子?难道,孩子不是你们生下来的吗?别一直做比较,自己的孩子的能力,与别人家的孩子的本事,是不同等的。各有所长, 所成就。为什么别人家孩子做的就是荣耀,自己孩子做的就是‘饭桶’! 为什么当自己孩子与别人家孩子做同等成就时,别人家孩子的成就,永远是本事;而自己家的孩子就是幸运造就。难道你不能相信自己孩子, 明白其实他们也在成才的路上挣扎吗?在每位孩子心中的心灵世界,当世上的每一个人都不相信他时,让他心碎的往往是父母的不相信。你们是否知道,父母的认同与信任永远是孩子们最渴望得到的。试问,有哪一位孩子,拿到成绩时,不是向父母倾诉的?
比较比较,什么都比较!别人爱读英文书,是本事,是无人所能及的;而爱读华文书的是平常?读英文书的荣耀,一直挂在嘴边;爱读华文书是不足挂齿?还是一种羞耻?
父母们,为什么别人孩子做的时对,对,对;自己孩子做的是,没什么,没什么,没什么!你们难道不懂这是在造就孩子们心里不平衡的元素吗?
p/s:那我为什么要在乎他们的感受?

Monday, 12 October 2009

相信我,你会好的,我不会轻易放弃你!

你怎么了,看着你逐渐消瘦的身影,看着你无法平复情绪时的匆匆,看着你从一个开朗,爱开玩笑的你,变成什么事都以悲观的脸孔与话题,重复听着你述说昨晚你数了5个钟的绵羊,我知道你根本无法入眠, 听你说没力气, 感觉漂浮,视线模糊, 我的心都凉了。
对不起,刚开始我不明白你怎么了,只觉得你很烦,每天说自己有多辛苦,很烦,我工作很烦了,可是你还说更多。我埋怨,我埋怨,可是当麻坡医生都被你找完了,你却一点起色也没有,你的她也憔悴了,我才知道事情的严重性。我不知这样的日子到底过了多久,可是我希望还不算太迟。
请你别说‘太迟了’, 我这一生中最害怕的就是‘太迟了’这句话。对不起,我不成熟的态度与无视。
对不起,昨天你给了我一个选择题,家人还是工作?我选择了后者,因为即将到来的星期有我期待已久的工作环境, senior安排我出去审查账目。你自己一个人出发之后,我才惊觉,我做了滔天大错。
对不起,请你为了我们,为了疼爱与关心你的每一个人,为了你自己,相信你是会好起来的。

Thursday, 8 October 2009

Gathering with Internship Colleagues

  • Behind : LT, SL, CF, BW, CA, J, Me, SF, LL
  • Front : S, HZ, HN, SP
After 4th months intern in this company, this is my first time to have dinner outing with them. I think i'm getting better to get a long with them, but i know my intern period is going to end very soon. When it passed the 3rd months and when it was the time i'm getting used to the company's environment as well as the whole procedures, i can fell the time really flies. Only that i wonder i'm growing more and more enthusiatic towards this professions.
Today, our main purpose was having a farewell party for one of colleague who is going to resign this month. Let's call her HZ then, she is a nice girl, she is the girl sat beside me when i first enetr the company and she is the one who teach me so much and patiently. I know i'm a bit too dumb and hard to pick up something new. However, she never complaint every time i call her for help, she will leave her not-so-urgent file and check my problem for me. Thanks a lot, HZ.
Ok, let's continue my purposes just now, it was not only the farewell party, but it was also advance birthday celebration for HN & SL. Both of them are birthday baby tomorrow. I wish both of them Happy Birthday in advance. Most of the audit department present for this dinner. Almost all of us came right after the office hour. We went to Zense Cafe for dinner. We enjoy so much for the party, as for the food, i will just rate as 6 out of 10. The food can be rated as moderate. However, we laughed throughout the party. We were realy having our good time.
HZ, 谢谢你一直以来的照,因为你的照顾,我学到了很多很多。虽然我们不是同一组的人,可是你却不厌其烦的来帮我。每一次,我要交报告给senior时,你都会帮我再三的检查,避免我被指责。这些我都看在眼里,藏在心里。每次我拿不到balance你一定会帮我找到问题的存在为止。你给我的教导,我真的学到很多,因此也避免了多次的摔跤。还有,你是第一个教我如何有效proofread的人,而且虽然每次proofread我都会问一样的问题, 你也会一一的回答直到我明白为止。现在,你正前往人生的另一个转折点,我相信那将会是你大展拳脚的好地方。无论,你在哪里,我都希望你能有美好的每一天。
p/s: 别说我没有写华语。哈哈!

Sunday, 30 August 2009

Port Dickson Trip

This is my first time having picnic (if no mistaken) at seaside. In other words, i haven't mean to beach or seaside before. Thanks KP for the arrangement, although he himself being busying on his chambering as well. Thanks for everything.
Early in the morning on Sunday, we drove up to Tampine to meet up with others, and travel from Tampin, pass through Linggi and Lebuk Cina. Somehow, i have forget how long does the journey takes, we went to the condo (sorrry, i forget the name, in facts i never take the effort to get the information) before we approach to the beach (Bayu Beach Resort or Tiara Beach Resort or neither?)
'Here are some photos taken by my not-so-advance digital camera, Kodak Easy Share C 643'
When we reach there, we looked for the shady place and spread the straw mat we brought there. Then we change, took some photo, KP and his cousin went to set some traps for crabs near some rocks areas. Then we swim and enjoy the wave. At first i dare not to join them as i couldn't really manage to see what is inside the sea, i just roughly stroll around the edge. Each time i step foward to the deeper of the sea, i can feel like this is so-called life. Life is full of all sorts of uncertainties especially when we are in working environment. It was just like when u first entering the company, new environment make u fear and stress of uncertainties, but when u get used to it, u will know nothing to be afraid of because problem are meant to be faced and solved.
After coming through all those thought, i decided to dive myself inside the sea and feel the sea, it was just like how i feel this world, how hard i try my best to make myself live asone part of this world and contribute to one part of this world. That's what i got from my seaside trip.
Then we enjoy the wave, chit chatting in the sea and some diving. We dare not to go that depth as this is not a best month to do so. (Hahaha......)After that, we went up to the beach and enjoy our lucnh, Thanks Aik Wee's mum as she preparing that fabulous lunch for us which contain of nasi lemak, fried ginger chicken, fish, sambal, eggs, drinks, and so on.
'Our shady picnic areas pictures with kp's mum, aunties and also the philipines maid (i think so)'
Before we went back to condo for wash up, AW and kp went to look for their 'harvest'. Unfortunately nothing got trap and the baits have been eaten up. Er.....how the prey entering, 'steal' and 'escape'???....aiya, who cares! Im not prey, i wouldn't know. ' These are the net we used, there is some baits (some not-so-small fish) inside the plastic, forget about the ball....'
When everyone was busying on eating la, watching tv la.....blabla....i sat beside the window and look at the scene, this is quite a nice place for holiday and relax. Condo.....will be my next target to invest in if i have extra M.
At around 6pm, we packed and went back to Tampine for dinner. I had a wonderful holiday, picnic and weekends. Thanks to KP, AW's mum, KP's mum and some KP's relatives. Last but not least, thanks a-boy gor gor for your sponsor condo.
'Do we look darker after 'sun-bath'? No, i should say is Ultra ungu-bath'

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Gathering with EZ & Winnie - SKS #2

After the gathering, EZ fetch us to my house, because Winnie wanna visit my house. When i fetch her back home, She hugged me in front of her house and say 'Be tougher & brave'.
My heart feel warm and touched, even though it was just 4 words. I know she can sense out whatever problem and 'disaster' i met so far. Although she assist me, but these few words really impressed me a lot and enough encouragement for me to go on. I know i am not alone.
Ya, Winnie, what i need now, is just some encouragement. I know only time can cure my problem now since i have done my best. Thanks a lot.

Sunday, 16 August 2009

Dear's convocation 2009 #2

KP and his family
Finally, i manage to transfer all my bf's grad photo from MY digital camera. How come? In facts it is just because of Im slacking around without make it done on time since there is no deadlines. Ya , i think i should make myself a deadline for anything.
We all have to woke up at around 4am to get ourselves prepared to Cyberjaya-MMU campus and we depart from Malacca at around 5am. At around 6.58am, we passed through cyberjaya toll, that also mean we manage to get 10% discount for toll receipt. We have to parked the car outside out the campus as the management only prepare one car park for each invitation/fresh grad. At this time, i really hate myself being wearing my high heel walking and approching to the grand hall. Omg, can you imagine i am wearing the high heel and walk or i can say climb up the declivity? Of course, my legs pain like hell until they become numb.
Ok, let's go back to the main topic. The ceremony started at 8.15am, although im unable to enter the grand hall, but i was lead to another lecturer hall to watch the ceremony through LCD. The opening ceremony like usual, so no comment, the main contents you can imagine all fresh grad's names were called up one by one......and it continues until 12pm. Ya, is 12pm. The ceremony ended with the mmu grad's songs - Permata Dunia. To be frank, i like this songs, when i first listen to this songs, it makes me swear that i must listen to this songs during my grad ceremony.
Here are the bouquets from my mum and his mum
After the ceremony, i did not really busying on taking photo first as i still need to look for bf and his family upside down of the mmu compound. Finally, we take photos around of the campus and outside of the grand hall together with uncle, aunty and bf. Furthermore, i also manage to take photo with Huiyin , Sinyi, Chin Ting, Pei San, Kia Jui, Edith, Pei Fen, Kwee Fong and a lot of them (pls forgive for those i did not mentioned their names here cause i do have short-term-memory-loss nowadays)
KP & i Sinyi & i Chin Ting & i Kia Jui, Edith & i Pei San & i Pei Fen, Her Bf, KP & i
p/s: congrats to those who grad for the year 2009

Monday, 10 August 2009

Dear's convocation 2009, congrats dear!

Yesterday was Singapore's National Day and also dear's convocation ceremony. Congrats dear, that you have pass through all obstacles and unfoseen circustances, I knew u have been endure all kinds of difficulties in order to celebrate the arriving of this important day.
No matter how, i believe this is just a starting point for you to enter another type of your life - career life. There is still a long way to go. I hope u can overcome all circumstances as you have done so far.
Congrats...

Monday, 23 February 2009

Random

  • Can i overcome the problem which we went so far? ('WENT' doesn't mean is over ya)
  • Can i gain back my confidence?
  • Can i 'forgive' but not just 'forget' to whatever u have done?
  • Can i mature enough to accept whatever 'childish' thingy you will do?

Monday, 2 February 2009

我们还能重来多少次?

我们的感情还能挽救吗? 还有多少个冷静期等着我们? 我们还能重来多少次?到头来, 一切都是零? 历史是说要抹杀就能抹杀掉的吗?真心就那么脆弱吗?你不是说真心胜过一切? 为什么没有一句是真的?
你这是叫我认命吗?

Sunday, 1 February 2009

我还是我, 他已不是他

相爱容易, 相处难!我明白这句话的意思。 老早每个人都对我说这样的话, 可是我却相信他-只要真心, 任何难题都能解决。 可是, 事到如今,让我明白了, 真心不一定适合相处。
前两年,一切就像天安排的一样, 一切如此的完美。 偶尔的一些挫折就当作是为我们的感情加温。我们什么都能聊, 学校发生的趣事, 天下政治, 家事, 情事。。。。。 可是, 现在的我们说不上两句话, 就会有意见, 我们不再讨论, 他也只是用通知的口音对我说话。 他甚至不再在乎我的感受, 也一直认为我做什么, 就错什么, 只要他要做的事情, 不管我会怎么想, 他觉得好, 就是好。 在2009年, 他不再是他, 我还是我, 他已不再是我的他, 为何我还得坚持做他的我呢?这还有意义吗?还有吗?