Farewell, Year 2008

Time flies, today is the last day of year 2008 d. And 2009 is just one more step over tonight 11:50pm. Omg!!!

Im looking bac what i have done for this year. Only that i realized...nothing.....in facts i havent list down anything for year 2008, so where got list remain unchecked like LH? haha.....

Yesterday, our PE tutor, Miss Gan remind us to set a list for year 2009 to be fulfil and checked the list completed for year 2008. I felt embarassed when i realized i have in facts found out i did nothing for year 2008. Then what am i doing and who am i for year 2008? How come i done nothing for MYSELF?

Anyway, let bygones by bygones. I do have sweet memories during year 2008.

Ok i will bear in mind what Miss Gan told us...i will set a list for year 2009 soon.

Merry X'mas

Today i get a surprise from kp, a x'mas present that i dream of. He keep this into his mind, and gift it as x'mas present for me. That is <Celine Dion-live in Las Vegas> original DVD. Happy sial.....

Im a buddhist, so usually i won't celebrate x'mas or receive any x'mas present. I used to be the miss santa clause to my siblings when we still young. For me, i so eagerly the scene in the x'mas movie that at the midnight, santa claus will gift the x'mas present for children and put it beside them or inside the x'mas sock. I used to hang a x'mas sock, of course no present i will received. Only that i realized there is no santa cause in this world. However, i do hope my siblings will enjoy the presence of santa clause. From that day onwards, i will become miss santa clause, which gift them present at midnight and written there 'From Miss Santa Clause'. I will be satisfy when i see the joy from their face at the moment they saw the present early in the morning.

However, this action has been stopped since i came mmu. By the way, out of my expectation, i have become the one who received the present. Happy~~

Merry X'mas, everyone...let's turn on X'mas mood!

Emotion negatively

Recently i wonder, realized and commented from friends that my emotion getting more negatively.

Recently i get annoyed easily by some certain so called 'friends' that i used to treat them as real friends. However, i am getting more unbelievable why are they doing now? Am i look like im a fool? or they never take me as friend?

Senario 1 I invited a friend for lunch that day that i used to eat with her but less for this semester as this is a short semester and all bunch of thing was like so packed till i fail to get her for meal. That day, i manage to get her for lunch. Surprisingly, once she met me, she asked me 'how come u have time have lunch with me?' What u guys think? is normal right? ok, that's what i think also. Then move on, after i answered her, i was too busy for this semester, then usually friend will getting 'paiseh' and answer ' no la, ask u for fun la' like that....that she did not. She said, ' are u that busy until u dun need to eat?' i was stung there.....i so regret to invite her for lunch. im so so so regret, i should have tapao my lunch and eat in front of lapiee. When she saw me holding a note: She: you have exam tonight? I : no, is tomorrow. She: last minute study? I : ........ She: no need study one la, accounting subject all very easy one, just write in whatever u think is correct. I : ........ She: unlike my subject, so tough have to study like hell..... I : but i remember ur exam is 50% objective and 50% essay right? She: no, is not only objective but true false, you know what, true and false lagi tough!!! I : ........( true and false stand 50% to get correct, but objective stand 25% to get correct , essay stand less chance to get the key words, i dun really understand what she meant it)

Then there goes my lunch......

Senario 2 I wonder what happen to me, am i that so not convincing in certain point? Why i face the problem that whenever i voice out any comment, there will be like ignored by some of them? Am i that unreliable for them? I believe i should keep myself silent at that time, no point for me to listen carefully and voice out my opinionl i might just listen and write down whatever outcome decided. In this case, i not blaming anyone, but myself for being lack of confidence. When a person ignore my opinion and voiced out theirs one loudly, i will never want to shout out louder than them to express my opnion AGAIN. For me, loud doesn't mean you are right or you have confience. Not that you should say softly or what but at least dun shout till people 'shh' you, right? In that incident iwill choose to silent myself to avoid any argument. Ended up, i ignore the quality of the discussion but i just focus on when can we end this discussion.

In this 2 scenerio, what u guys will do? Just ignore and never put yourself in such situation? For me, i have been agitated for few days, i admit im a bit irrational and too emotional or someone may accuse that im too stupid or what. However, im now getting better as im letting them go, in my conclusion, that is nothing to do with me, why should i care for them? who are they to me?

Singapore Trip

6 more hours i will be on the bus headed to Singapore. To be frank, this is my second time traveling to Singapore if not mistaken. In my memories, last time i went Singapore, i was 7 years old. Meaning to say i have been 'left out' for 15 years.....haiz......

Remember my last few blog mentioned about my eagerness to travel before im graduated.....there....this is my first step to fulfill my dreams and wishes. To be frank, im quite looking forward for this trip, with no hope inside. I just dream of enjoying the Christmas scene at Orchard Road because i heard there will be some decoration for Christmas. In facts, i love x'mas day.

For me, celebrating x'mas day ( also called Winter Festival) is one of the romantic day. Why? Because in my dream....X'mas day is full of snow, flying snow in the air, i can wear boots, scarf, fashion jackets and build the snowman. A while more, a lot of children will come out, help me decorate the snowman and play with the snowman. Then when the weather become colder we can hide inside the house lighting up the fire, sit beside the x'mas tree and listen to x'mas story. Before i sleep, i will dream of santa clause gift me a present (see, im not so tamak, one present will do) coz i heard santa clause will only gift the present for obedient child (im sure LH wont get the present)

Eh, out of topic d...should be Singapore trip but not x'mas day...Haha....

Anyway, i will try to update about my Singapore Trip when im bac later. This trip is only a 2 days trip, meaning to say i will be back on Sunday. What are the surprise awaits me in this trip? Im really looking forward for this trip. At least i fulfil one of my dream before x'mas. This will be the earliest x'mas present i had for this year 2008.

Smiling Moon

This is the 'smiling moon' occured yesterday. i was so surprised having this kind of fortune to enjoy this scene. The smiling mouth is the moon and the eyes are stars. According to YQ, this phenomenon called 'stellar phenomenon" was caused by Venus, Jupiter and a three-day-old crescent moon aligning at the right spots to form the Smiley. In other word, if anyone of you missed it last night. Congrats, you will have to wait another 5 years before smiley appears in the night sky again!!! Thanks to YQ, if not, i might have to wait for another 5 years also. Since moon also smiled at us, why we cant smile everyday and face the challenges? Right?!

Study can be in relaxing way!!!

What is life? I admit im a girl who enjoy life especially carefree, stress less life and need a lot a lot a lot of care and love. In facts i enjoy having my studying and reading at cafe or whatever cafe that provides comfort environment and soft music. Recently, i enjoy having my reading at 'FRIENDS CAFE' a cafe situated at Melaka Raya, right beside the SIN CHEW JI POH building. I went there twice but i don't really enjoy that much that 2 times. First time was right after my midterm (don't know which semester d, maybe last semester) i went upstairs, having my fish and chips for supper. Unfortunately, the tv showed 'ALIENS AND PREDATORS'. @#$%^&*#$%^, sumore very noisy as eveyone they like pasar malam like that, talk and laugh also as loud as they can, having no appetite worrying my midterm, sumore showed all those disgusting pictures. OMG!!! Next time was last Friday, this time i become clever d. I choose downstairs, listen to soft music, romantically and order don (a kind of Japanese rice, as i dislike goreng thing d). Not bad, i enjoy the food, it taste good for me. While waiting for the arrival of food, i choose to take out my case study and check for dictionary (i need dictionary to have better understanding for the whole concept). I feel so relax. When im relaxing, i will worry of my studies, now i have it all done together. I feel like im a happy baby. Although that is Friday evening, i don't think much people will choose to stay at cafe but shopping i think. For me, i wont choose shopping at Melaka Raya during weekends, as you know why? First, sure jam. Secondly, parking fees all counts at least RM1 for each hour. Thirdly, you will hardly get a car park. Forthly, you have to queue up even though you are giving out money. NO, i wont. So i planned to spend my whole Friday evening till 11pm. The prices is quite reasonable for me as i never thought of any saving money by the time i enter this cafe. Don cost me RM 10 and Ice jasmine cost me RM 7, totally up less than RM20 and i can enjoy life here, so is somehow i can say is worth it. However, really.....happy thing end earlier, when bf get an urgent call from his dude-accident and admitted hospital. Don misunderstand me, is the motorist admitted not his dude. However, we spend the whole evening rushing here and there. Haiz......i swear i wanna go there again without any disturbance.!!!

Will you mind?

When it comes to relationship, no matter how generous is the guy or girl, they will straight become very particular. Will u girls allow your bf be bestman for the brides and groom? At first, ok ya. Why not? However, since young i was told bestman and bridesmaid are the treated as like 'couple'. Will you mind if they been 'coupled' up on that day, take photos together, work together and at the same time, you might be neglected? If you have second thought, then reject the suggestion. you might be regret later. Being a bestman, he is important for that day as it was the most important day for groom and bride. Their existence is to beautify the wedding day only, nothing special, even a small kid can do their job well. However, have you ever think of if it might affect your relationship? If yes, then not a small problem d.

Last Few Traveling Opportunities

4 more semester to go before my graduation. Anyway there is 2 semester for me to have industrial training. meaning to say i have only the most 1 or 2 semester break for me to go for traveling. I used to stay alone at home without going anywhere. However, after my best friend, LY awake me by telling me that she is now currently starting her working life, she has to take emergency leave or medical leave just to go for another interview. Taking leave for her is totally difficult， how about traveling leave? She remind me to have use up wisely during uni life. I mention this issues to KP after his legal attachment. He agreed but he ended up having another so called 'holiday work' during our semester break. I am so so so......disappointed. Even though im in deepest depression, i still booked his next semester break. Out of expectation, he gone for another 'holiday work' by saying that he met a very potential lawyer to be learn with and already make promises with him. At that moment, the sentence 'what is your promise to me?' occur in my mind. i don't think you guys really understand how i feel at that moment and i don't really know what are words to describe my disapointment besides 4 letter words. I have been blaming myself being so childish to believe in him, ended up i wiped off my tears and find some ways to prohibit myself from having any hopes traveling with him. What i did was, i look for 'holiday work' also at hometown and i promised i will have 'holiday work' for the subsequent semester break. I have been cheated twice, should i awaiting for another arrival of disappointment? im really scare of awaiting and the arrival of disappointment d. Of course i will still continue my traveling to anywhere i can but my trip will 'disqualified' his presence. p/s: can i really rely and believe in you?

Girls' Talk

I always wonder why there is existence of girls' talk? Is it because of the talk are only occur between girls without guys? What are the discussing topic that can only exist between girls but no guys allowed? Yesterday, i was having a dinner with girl friend who already not available. When we meet up for dinner, there starts out girls' talk. only that i know gals are really very royal to her loved one, especially for their first love. She has been a bit hesitated whether getting stable down with first love is fair to both of them. Her love story started with a word called 'admire'. She admire him with all the skills he possessed that she desired to acquired. This is her first love, everything goes on smoothly as she thought love is like this. She received whatever happiness and sorrowfulness from him. Although he did betrayed to her and they always quarrel, due to the depth of their love, she believe their love will blossom one day. However, i was so surprised when she told me something that i don't think she will have this kind of thought. She told me, she realized she has been collapsed for don't know how many times since she is with him. She told me when she is single, she can forbid herself from collapsed for the most one year but this loved one have been torn her heart apart. She said if she can go back to that moment, maybe she won't make herself be tied up in this relationship. Although the bf allowed her to go out freely even though with guys, but she said she seldom hang out with guys as she don;t really like the idea her bf hang out with gals or gal. Like i said, gals are selfish only when the case happen on their loved one. Nobody want 'incident' interfere in their relationship, includes their own friends and any possibility. She has the problem on believing her bf since he deliberately lie to her and ambiguous with another gal. In Chinese, quotes '一次被蛇咬， 十年怕草惊', im totally agree with this quote, i really believe when a guy is truly sincere to you, he will be royal to you since that day you are together. If the guy give you whatever promises to you but in the other way round he was ambiguous with other gals, what is that mean actually. Imagine, what is the mean when a little boy only choose to play with particular little girl? Can we said that actually there is some chemical reaction called 'like/love' occur inside that little boy? I believe when a boy prefer or like a particular little girl, he will purposely go and disturn the girl and play with her. This is so obvious and normal scene in kindergarden as these are their innocence. Although some said they will accept someone who turn over a new leaf, and they will treat it as precious but is it really guarantee anything? Who can say guys never love beautiful girls? Which guy can really stop himself to leave any single second of eye sight on pretty girls? That is their nature. God creates them in this nature. They are born in this nature, nobody can really avoid this destiny i can say. p/s: who can we trust besides parents and ownself?

My 7th Trimester Break in MMU

At last my final over for !st Trimester, 2008/2009 i declare 'MY HOLIDAYS START AT THIS MOMENTS'

i really can't wait for the arriving for the holiday, not because of im lazy and looking for moments to been 'pig' ya. i really have lots of things to do, a list i tell u, anyway, my list still pending, havent out yet. Got dating one, activities one, shopping one, are u the one in my dating list and shopping 'leg'.... coming soon (i mean the list)....haha!!!! "watch out" maybe u r the luckiest one....HaHa...... Of course i will balance my holiday time equally la. i wont just play during my holidays la. Of course shopping wont left out in my list, second preparing ivaq stuff, third reading on all my favourite books (sentimental one i tell u, and comic, HAHA!!!! exclude tect book), then comes to travelling, dunno whether i can have a chance to go for a travelling ..haha... and etc etc..... i dunno what exactly i will do this holiday. as u guys know a lot of uncertainty in this world, so i cant confirm what i will do , what i can do is only planning. Am i right? Hehe....

Happy Holiday......

Demotivated for final

Although only 1 more paper to go, i wonder why am i that upset. Ever since i will be so happy after finishing a paper in the final. However that seem doesnt work on Advanced Auditing paper, i admit i did not have any energy on this paper, i feel very tired and exhausted because i had one paper-Corporate Accounting 1 before that day, That CA paper make me exhausted d. How come? i make mysef to sleep for at least 5-6 hours for Advanced Auditing paper, i feel very upset. i dun really know what ma i answering, all i know is just dun leave it blank. What is going on? can i put some hope to at least give it some rises in my CGPA? i need the rising in CGPA to get a better job in the future. What can i do now? On the other way, my tax Mdm Lim, she posted tax supplementary paper scope on MMLS, implying that many of us failed in tax final, she hope we can at least pass the supp? this is what she posted, that really demotivated me.

********

Supp paper for tax 2 : For those students who didn't do well in the final, pls revise the same topics as in the final paper. . Please be reminded that should you fail the supp paper, you will have to spend another year in MMU. So please take this advice seriously. Remember marks must be earned and not be begged! Then success will taste even sweeter when you know you did it on your own! There will be a revision class on 3 Nov (Monday) 2 to 4p.m. the final paper will be discussed So please do all the questions in the final paper before you come. This class will be interactive and you do the asking! I'll be away from 5 - 7 Nov. You may make appointment to see me should u require further consultation

*******

p/s: maybe getting a pass is better than extend one more year in mmu. May God bless us

Final Exam Trimester 1, 2008/2009

Finalzz........ i just finished my 2 paper, 3 more to go....... By the way, although HR paper is tough, i just dunno why i keep smiling in the MAIN HALL. Hehe.....do u know why? that is my first time having exam in venue same with KP. This is his last year in MMU. Haha.....i was so excited. He was so concentrating in his exam, i noticed he just writing and writing in 3 hours. Opps....i know i should have concentrate my exam also. I really do, i 'study' all 14 chapters for HR d, not 'memorize'. haha......too much for me to memorize the 14 chapters. Anyway, i still feel happy after the exam not only i can have exam in same venue with KP but i know i done my best for the HR paper and i have done 2 paper. Haha..... CA and Audit coming soon on Monday and Tuesday. Have to work harder and smarter...... p/s: why am i here? i should go study d. Hehe....

Suspected 'CHIKUNGUNYA'

When i 'open' my blog, i just realized last posted blog was 16 August........*wordless* So, i think is the time for me to update my personal blog, how come other can update their blog so often and i cant ah? haha....this can be explained....why some of them can have study and working at the same time and some of them cant....... Why am i that busy recently? Hehe.....i dunno also, maybe i dunno how to manage my timetable well ba. by the way, i know what am i busying with this few weeks- i have been busying prepare my final for this first trimester 2008/2009. And at the same time, i have been sick since 24 September, and it last for almost one week, dunno what sickness is that. however, i was told admitted when i went Pantai Hospital, Ayeh Keroh and had blood test at the same time, i was told i suspected 'kena' Chikungunya，i not sure what is that actually but i knew my whole body all pain especially at the joint part, my hands, legs and face are in red rashes, my body get heaty easily but was diagnosed no fever, itchy and no appetite at all. Ohya, as for the admitted stuff, my father brought me bac home from the hospital, because he worry nobody can accompany here, he dun wan to leave me alone here. As a result he brought me back and bring me to chinese sensei and went for blood test. i was told i need more blood test for the comfirmation as the illness still not that obvious yet. that few days i have been stayed inside the aircon room or in front of the fan, as i cant get any heaty, once i feel heaty, my body will full of red rashes. After taking the chinese medicine and western medicine at the same time, red rashes gone gradually. At 1 of October, that was the first day i came out for sun since im sick. I did not go for the second test as i realized im getting better. Im here to take this opportunities to express my special thanks for my parents, KP's parents and KP. My parents have been taking care of me meticulously. For KP's parents, once they knew im suffering from the illness, they are offering their help to bring me for the doctor's consultation when my parents not with me, and KP's father keep updating with my progress everyday. As for KP, he has done everything has has to although he was busying prepare his final. I knew he had enough pressure on this final, so thanks for everything. Im so blesses and satisfies enough with you all around. Thanks to LH also, she helped me for the insurance card stuff when i was told to be admitted, she called around to get the steps and ways for insurance stuff. And she showed her concern continuously when im sick. Thanks for being helping me whenever i need. p/s: i hope i won't be that weak next semester.

Voted as External PR Director for IVAQ 2008/2009

Remember the blog i mentioned i have get the post of external PR for ivaq 2008/2009? i thought i gt the post d. And dunno what happen inside, suddenly the ivaq director said.....they will change the policy and we will be the nominees to be voted by the members? oh ok, i was like......division director post has to be voted by those who are not really know u and ur ability well?

No choice i have to face the reality. Yesterday lh and i went to have our dinner at jing xin at 6.45pm and in fact the election will be started at 7pm. Is weird right? Both of us are the nominees for external PR and marketing division. Yet we are still going for dinner at such hour. Lh was very firm.....'she still makan like .....wow.....delicious.....ok this one taste good....eh, u cant finish it? give me ur vege......' i admit i was very kanchung d. what i kanchung is......how about if i failed later? what to say when i am given 2 minutes time to introduce myself? will i shiver on stage?

Then we reach there at about 7.20pm, luckily the election havent start yet. When i reached there,a girl same class with me approach me....saying that....'once u be the director for external pr, can u take me as ur working com?' i was like.....ah? i dunno will i get the post wo......then i replied....'sorry im not the external PR director yet.

The election started with acounting club nominees.....after that is the refreshment.....we were told that after refreshment will be the ivaq nominees d. i was still....relax.....because it always starts with internal....blababla....only that is external's turn....but out of my surprise....externa PR is the first division and im the first nominee....i was....stucked there and faster go infront of the stage. i started with ' good evening to out advisor, MR Rajah, and every members here. my name is......(then i look bac to the screen, *shock* i forget my own name?) hehe....ok cont, my name is See Chin Yen, and u may call me Paige. erm.....Thanks for those 3 girls who purposely come to support me although they are not accounting students ( yq, gp and xl). previously, i was working com in ivaq in 2 years time for external PR and program. So i can claim that i have 2 years time in Ivaq and i familiar with the IVAQ flow and the operation as well. so...please vote for me, thank you. (although that is only few sentences, i was shivering and i saw MR Rajah laugh at me, im sure he laugh because of my shivering....sien...haiz) after that, yq came to me and told me that if i get the director post, 3 of them wanna join in my external PR as working com.

When the results to be announced, i was so kanchung....i knew my perfomrnace was not really firm and impressive. so i have no confidence at all to get the director post. To be frank if i failed i dunno what i can do d. The result is.....I GET THE EXTERNAL PR DIRECTOR.....but my asst change to another chinese guy. im feel so sry to my asst as appointed last time, he was so dedicated, he prepare all the doc i asked him to last meeting and he waited for me at the entrance to pass me the doc. i can say i feel better to be coorperate v him although he is an indian guy. He din say anything, he just ask me to take him as working com, he will continue to help me in the future. (oopss....i know if i have the negative attitude towards my current asst and sure i wont be able to work v him well in the future, i know i o be frank, i havent talk to my asst, i havent see him once the result out.....

After that i get the applicants form for external PR, i was told my div need 22 wc and some of them has already fixed in the list given by Andy. To be frank i dunno how to choose the applicants, however thanks to hy, she was Ivaq director in yer 2007/2008. she told me that my div need someone who can work well, dedicated, got transport, ca really do work and who has wide network to get the contacts from all uni and colleges in malaysia. im still figuring out what are the criteria i need to look into it and choose my applicants.

Hope that i can be the good leader that care for my wc and appreciate their work, i do hope i can continue to have this kind of drive to complete my task.

'why u seem like very rude to me recently'

'why u seem like very rude to me recently' why? why? why? i keep asking myself also, actually i dun like to behave rude to anyone, include him. however, i cant even control myself, we chat, chat and chat, then so suddenly i feel frustrated and showed my angers to him. i dunno why i behave like that too. is it because im deep in my heart i still angry with all those mistake made by him? i still cant forget about it or leave it? i cant make myself to trust him anymore, i dunno how long it will last, but at least for the time being, i cant, i cant. i have lost the faith and trust between us.

Broken Wings

i still couldnt let it go..........

this few days, i still went out v him, makan v him. the only thing i realized is, im using another identity to be with him, i just avoid myself from remember all those cruel memories, but if im failed, my tears will burst out on spot. it is very amazing one.

i knew he tries his best to make me happy, to twist the situation into better. im sorry, it all seem doesnt work. i just couldnt back to the used me. i just cant.

i believe, every girl in love is an angel from heaven, they willing to break their wings just to stay beside their loved, when they faced problems, they couldnt go back to where they used to be, the only thing they can go is just hiding themselves in a dark hole and trying hard to heal the wound. even when the wound healed, the scar will still there to be seen as they really put in a lot of effort for their loved one. in their mind, they keep imagine how pretty the love is, until they willing to make the first step and give up their wings to go for it. however, they will finally realizd that the love they imagine is not the love in reality. So, no matter how regret they are, they just cant get bac their wings again, the only thing they can do now is only looking at their broken wings with broken heart.

p/s: the wings will never fix back again.

为自己负责

你有没有一而再， 再而三地帮助某人， 而感到挫败的经验？为什么会觉得挫败呢? 是不是因为他并没有因此改变， 对吗？

如果你在帮助某人， 而他还是老样子， 甚至每况愈下， 那你最好静下来想一想， 你这样做真的在帮他吗？ 还是在阻碍他？

我了解在生命当中总有某些人让人担忧， 让人放心不下。或许他们正误入歧途， 做错了某些事， 他们正伤害着自己， 而这一切就发生在你眼前， 叫你无法袖手旁观。的确， 帮助别人并没有错。 但是你有没有想过， 你的帮助， 真的是在‘帮助’他吗？

如果你对他有帮助的话， 那么现在他应该不再需要帮助了， 对吗？反之， 如果他仍旧没变， 他仍需要你的帮助， 那就表示你的帮助对他并没有帮助， 你的帮助甚至阻碍了他的成长， 这既是你挫败的原因。

大家必须明白，每个人都有自己的路要走，都要为自己的生命负责。如果你不让别人为自己负责， 他们就不会负起责任；如果你把他们应该做的事全都做了， 他们就学不会该怎么做了；如果你老是当别人的拐杖， 那他们永远就站不起来。

你可以牵一头驴到水边， 但你无法强迫它喝水。我们无法解决不是我们自己的问题， 我们也永远无法改变一个不想改变的人。所以， 为什么不让他们学习去面对自己的问题？ 让他们学会为自己负责呢？

摘至 《忘了总比记得好》

IVAQ 2009

i have accepted the director post of External Division for IVAQ 2009. It is really a large challenge for me, but i do hope i can learn more before i graudate. Ganbatte yo.

Boiling Point

i have been sick for one whole week, meaning to say i have 'Skip' the class for one whole week as well. It is all too sudden for me, On Monday Night, i still having my 'liangteh' before i sleep. In a sudden, i feel sore throat, sound all changed, i quickly go boil 'ganmaocha'. As a result, i cant sleep the whole night then sick and cant get up at all. At the same time, my bf also vomitting and consult v doc at the night. Eh, sound weird right? ya lo, we were ok during dinner. We were having dinner together, nothing unusual la. But ended up, he get food poisoning and i have bad cough, caught cold, sore throat, and fever, combo set. The next 2 days, i cant get up at all, feel very pain and high fever. And only that i found out i take 1 fever tablet instead of 2 as in the instruction. I keep cried in pain and feel cold for those days. On Thursday, finally i can get down from the bed and have my first suap of sup after 2 and a half days only take oat and porridge for lunch and dinner. I dun feel like eating actually, it is just to prevent from gastric. I went back home on Thursday as the fever comes again even though the fever tablets left last caption. so i wen to see doc again. At home i keep giggling even though when im waiting at clinic, my parents thought im sick badly and burn my brain d. Actually im just so happy with their accompaniment and finally im bac. Ya, my friends all knew i have serious homesick, and i forced myself not to go back home every week. I worry bf's safety everytime he fetch me back and im trying to save some money. So when im bac this weekend, i feel so happy and keep giggling. On Saturday, my temperature stable and i manage to get up and have heavy food. HA....ha....HA....ha.......

Transformation

During last sem's break, i found out what is the most suitable life for me. i am so alone, at first i am so looking forward for this holiday as i planned to have a nice and enjoyable holiday for us and besides that i knew that is the left over holiday for us before he graduated. however, he was so busy with his holiday learning and working planning so i was left behind alone for my holiday. I was so bored everyday, so, i love myself more, i went shopping almost everyday with different accompaniments (they are girls), i start read fashion magazine, exchange magazine with my best friends, i learn a lot of skill on how to change myself to be better and i began to love myself more and more,. i never been this contented before. i learn to match all kinds of clothes that suits me the most, i learn to play with fingers' nail color, and i sleep very early every night, i have wonderful breakfast, i apply mask every week, i take care of my face, skin, my body and my health. i exercise and keep myself fit. i can say i really love myself very much. And i gain my confidence back gradually.

Recently, although campus reopen, and appraoching to week 4, i still love myself as i did last holiday. i sleep at 11 or 12 every night. i apply mask every week, i apply everything on my face, lips, body and even my foot. i will even stretch my body before i sleep, i listen to soft music to make sure i sleep well. i wake up early in the morning, i wont suffer my body with freezing cold water, i will boil water, make myself a cup of cereal drink with honey flavour, do some slight exercise, then bathing and have my favourite breakfst with cocoa cookies and bread. When i choose for my clothes i wont think of which suit will favour others like last time. I choose my suit for the day according to how i wanna wear for the day, mood, or character. Although he said the wild type suit doesnt suit me at all but i dun think the lady with wild clothers will become wild, i just want to have different character of suit for myself whenever i want it.

Yes, we as a lady, we should love ourselver more than others, dun ever think of been loved is not our responsibility or put it like this. Others or bf always have the responsibility to give their love and care for us. In facts they dun have the responsibility on these, but we have, especially to ourself.

p/s:love and care more to ourself than they did will improve our confidence either in inner part or outer part, lif will become better.

My Future Path

Last week when i was attending acca career fair, lh and i have some converstion with some accounting firm. Firstly we attend to a ACCA is notts the is the talk about. and i made an assumption that the speaker will talk about the advantage of ACCA and its benefit. surprisingly it is not, the speak is mainly about asking the audience to join as a Accelerate student and pay RM100. Then we go downstairs to attend the real fair. We have a chance to talk with KPMG's representative. He is an angmoh, so i can say i thoroughly dunno what is he talking about. And what i get is about work until 1am la...blabla.....but one thing for sure i understand.....salary....fresh graduate will get RM2450 per month. it sounds good salary at the first place, i admit i was attracted with this salary but after some expenses of living cost , rental, toll, petrol, EPF and PTPTN deduction, i dun think it is enough for me. Haiz.....next we talked to BDO Binder's HR manager, hah.....this conversation i can say is quite understandable, not beause of the english usage is easy but the way they talked is in informal way, so it makes me feel a bit confortable. i can say get a good impression from this company. The BDO Binder basically has 3 branches, one in seremban, kl and jb. However, this question turned to me when i wanna choose BDO Binder, will the company with greater back stab or greater politics will suitable for me? But if i back out just because of those presure, will i reget later?

I am really confusing. anyway maybe im not that qualified.

我要叛逆!!!!!!

叛逆!!!你曾经叛逆过吗? 每个人都叛逆过吗? 我相信我还没叛逆过, 印象里我以前的生活都是很循规蹈矩的, 大人们说的什么不好的事情我都会避开, 避免自己受伤, 让自己远离伤害.步我以为一直以来我这么做是对的, 真的. 别人都说人生如戏, 戏如人生, 所以我都看戏, 学习社会上的人生百态. 以为自己学会保护自己, 不让自己受伤, 我的人生回忆里就完美无缺. 第一次, 第一次发现自己是错的. 如果黑色代表受伤, 我的人生是张不完整的图画, 只有白色, 亮色, 开心的颜色, 没有黑色, 认为很好, 对吧? 开始时, 我也是这样认为的,不我待可是当你发现没有了黑色, 原来我的图画不特出, 只是淡淡的素色.原来黑色可以把我的画显得更特别. 大多数人叛逆期在几岁呢? 22岁可以叛逆吗? 我真的觉得我的生活就少了那么点黑色. 我知道过去不是错, 可是那些甜蜜的话, 亲密的称呼, 的确深深刺进我的心里. 当我发现我不该发现的事情, 我后悔主动帮你整理电脑的资料库, 你说都过去了, 你恨, 你不再在意, 可是你却秘密收着你们的回忆. 那些甜蜜的话, 亲密的称呼, 让我失去方向, 后悔莫及. 我明白已经过去了, 但是在现在发现的话, 是真的过去, 还是还有遗情? 她没有接到你的电话, 你就很紧张, 关心她. 我不是说你不对, 对当时的你来说, 是对的. 可是, 现在的你, 不是这样的, 我只是在冲凉, 没接到你的电话, 你马上生气了, 说我故意不接你电话, 到底怎么了. 我以为这是你太紧张我了. 可是, 当我发现, 原来以前你对她, 是那么的用心, 关心. 到底为什么? 你说过当时的你也是很专一的. 是我不接受心理的答案, 还是我相信你能给我更好的回答. 你说她不专一, 可是你对她这么的好; 我对你不够专一吗? 那, 为什么你对我总是缺乏耐心呢? 我就那么不值得你用心吗? p/s: 考试后才叛逆吧!

I need transport!!!!!

I did not go back this week as both my parents refused and kp also seem like not really agree. So i might as well just stay at Ixora blindly and boringly. Last time the time i dun have any bf or transport i can survive, now i dun think i can survive without transport, i feel like going somewhere else to release my tension. But i cnt go anywhere, i request for a car at least at the time he did not use it like this time, ( he went PC fair part time work) Cant he at least borrow his car for me of i were o go anywhere, not just keep staying at Ixora just like that? It is damn boring that he will never understand, i shouldnt listen to them, i should at least go back home. i feel so boring and no appetite at all. Friday, the food court still open so at least i tapao back some food, saturday the food court was like only few stalls open, i dun feel like eating, i might just as well eat biscuits for breakfast and lunch, for my dinner, i asked my roomate to tapao for me, unfortunately, i wonder how the person who do the cooking, the rice all burn, i cant eat at all, cant they have a bit healthy common sense. This burn fried rice sure cause cancer if i finish it all up. No choice if i dun wan get gastric outbreaking. i choose to eat a bit. My mum called, although she knew my condition, but she cant do anything. It's not her fault, is my fault not to insist. Sunday, i wake up at about 11-12pm, i dun feel like wake up actually but i found out no point to stay on bed for the whole day, so i might as well wake up and looking for the light for my life. As i mentioned i wake up at 12pm, so the time i have cereal drink for my breakfast is also the time for lunch. Then i listen to songs and watched "1 litres of tears' for the how many times, i also dunno d. Why should i watch that drama? interesting? Indeed, it is but that is not the main point, it is just because i wanna remind myself, im not that pathetic, i am luckier, although is a bit pathetic to look for this reason but it at least minimize my miserable, i do find a way out for my Sunday. p/s: i need transport badly

Granc Gala- Law Night 2008

As stated earlier, i already in the Hair Studio D'FINO at about 3.30pm with accompaniment of YQ, but waited for about 30 minutes for my turns. And by time finish styling my hair and makeup, it was already 630pm, Omg, i have used up 3 hours to make myself prettier (i can said, i quite satisfy with the new hair style)

" Front view "

" this is the hair style view from behind"

By the time i almost done my make up, Kp already reached at the D'FINO. He looked so blur as he walked around to look for me, i was looking at him when i still doing my makeup, when he found me, he was like......OMG.....he looked at me for several times and laughed there. After finishing all the processes, i went upstairs to change my dress. YQ helped me in dressing and the scarf.

Along the way to the Renaissance Melaka Hotel, i took some photos in the car.

" Took inside the car, on the way to Renaissance Hotel "

" Gazing bling bling "

At about 730pm , we reached there, there are a lot of people, gather at the lobby and shooting the photos here and there. I was so alone, Kp took photos with his friends, i was just like a strangers there (although i am, especially for the Law students). Anyway, i took some photos with his friends too.

Xiao Tong & Me

" Kp & Yichong"

" KP & his gangs"

"Kp & his friends"

" Jason & me, OMG he is so tall "

" Kp & his friend who is from Muar "

" Kp & Ivan "

" Kp & Ugendren "

The ceremony is held at the 7th floor. At about 745pm, everyone went up to the 7th floor to continue their photo sessions. At about 8.30pm only that the VVIPs all arrived, it has been late for one hour, the Granc Gala supposed to be started at 730pm. The event starts with a band
somehow i don't really like the band because the band make the event i attend was a concert not really a prom night. The master of ceremony is from Flyfm. The band played the music and sang by a guy. Somehow the guy's voice is not bad. However some incident happened, a pir of girl and guy dance intimacy in front of the stage which is also in front of the lecturers, lawyers and HIgh Court Judge. Omg, how they can behave so intimacy in front of the VVIPs?

" Kp & i sat at the table No 8 "

After that, the dinner served in way of buffet, such as sweet sour fish, sotong, chicken, vegetables, dessert, cakes, mushroom soup and some crunchy keropoks. There was such a long queue, luckily i queued up earlier.

Then the Legal Idiol starts to show their 'outstanding capabilities' on the stage, there are 8 contestants chosen from the audition. one of the contestant is Prashan (Kp's friend) with No4. Do u know how the legal idiol been chosen? the contestant who get the highest amount of donation will be the legal idiol and the donation will goes to charity. I wonder what kind of voting method is this. The highest amount is RM 95+. So u can imagine how terrible is the amount they will go for charity.

" Prashan's performance, contestant No 4 "

After a while, i went to the washroom, by the time i walked out from the hall, the smoke frightened me, as it was like the hotel was on fire. Then Kp told me, it was because a lot of ppl smoke outside. OMG, when i passed through gents, a lot of smoke came out from it; inside the ladies, majority of them are patching their makeup.

" we took when the event still on going "

" The crystal goose is made of ice, placed near the entrance"

" Our signature that we were here before "

" Sneak off to take photos during the event "

" 2nd posture "

The events ended at about 12am, Almost all VVIPs stayed until the end of the events. This is some kind if fuss over common slight. We were told there will be a dance floor, but unfortunately there is not.

" The entrance ticket"

" This is the scene near Renaissance Hotel's entrance "

" When the event ended"

p/s: I satisfied with my performance on that day

失去信心了!!!! Cont......

我终于明白为什么我一直这么的紧张.....

时间到了, 我的室友YQ陪我去, 我告诉她我好紧张, 她很不明白, 不一会儿, 有一个女生进来, 我傻了一眼 (她是上次害我和男朋友意见不合的人, 某人的前任), 心想怎么会这么巧呢? 为什么? 我的心跳得更快了. 我紧张的原因似乎也越来越清楚了, 原来我有预感, 我会遇到不该遇到的人; 第二, 我担心我的装扮会怎样, 因此而更担心了, 紧张得不得了.

没一会儿, 造型师叫我过去, 我一直问他, 要看晚装吗? 有什么发型适合我呢? 头发会坏吗? ..........
我真的很担心, 造型结果会出乎意料之外的糟糕, 我真的会疯的, 以前每一次做发型, 没有一次像现在这样担心, 真的!!! 原来, 帮我设计头发的是这间店的老板, 也是几间分行的老板, 还有一间是在麻坡. 老板在忙时, 就又另一为男子帮我, 我真的很害怕, 我一而再, 再而三地提醒他, 老板说的发型, 你懂吧? 他马上跑去确定, 还我的心跳更快了. 说真的, 每当发型师在帮我弄每一根头发, 我就一直瞪着不放, 担心他有一丝丝的错误, 虽然我知道, 他们会清楚自己在做什么, 可是, 我就是一直地问, 一直地提醒. 当那男子已经完成弄卷的部分, 我开始后悔, 为什么我没有阻止他.........就在这时候老板来了, 他马上做完剩下的部分, 没一会儿, 我真正的发型就出现了, 坦白说, 我很满意, 虽然跟上次的发型有些一样, 但是我比较喜欢这次的发型, 终于我的心跳没有这么糟糕了.

当我在化妆时, 另一个女生进来 (当然, 之前有很多人进出) 感觉很可怕, 心跳开始加速, 完全不懂为什么, 心想---不会那么邪门吧? 问一问YQ, 她说她不认识. 没一会儿, 男朋友就进来了, 他看来找不到我, 当时化妆的过程也要完成了. 第一次感觉, 我们的步伐这么巧 (虽然, 有些人会认为没什么, 但是我就是特别在意, 我喜欢有默契的那种感觉) 当他发现我时, 他先下一跳, 接着就大笑, 心想-没这么糟糕吧? (虽然我还没有看到化妆后的样子) . 化完妆之后, 我马上问他, 那个女生是谁? 他说, 就是那个华人好朋友的前任, 我的心顿时停了几秒 (怎么, 今天那么邪门, 两个最不想见到的人, 都在同一个地点, 时间, 还会在等一下的场合遇到) 她漂亮吗? 我还是不懂.

我转过头, 马上去换衣服, 什么都不再能思考, 我只知道, 我真的要马上离开这个地方. 我发现我一面换着衣服, 一面发抖, 我明白了, 我的紧张又升级了. YQ在外面一直催我, 似乎我进去已经很久了. 其实另一个原因也是因为我不敢出来. 没一会儿, 头低着走出来, 男朋友和YQ都称赞我漂亮, 可是我的发抖还是没有减低. 弄好衣服, 听了他们的意见, 拍了几张照片, 就下楼了 (在楼上换衣). 我什么也不要看, 马上走向柜台还钱, 我相信, 当时的柜台要求多少钱, 我都会付的, 我只想马上离开. 坦白说, 我真的很感谢YQ 陪我, 帮我调衣服, 陪我大半天, 还一直安慰我, 说我希望的答案, 真的. 她牺牲休息的时间, 花了三小时多陪我.

YQ, 谢谢你.

在会场里的, 我会在详细解说.

GRANC GALA 在半夜十二点才结束. 在卸妆前, 我对着镜子看自己, 感觉自己很委屈, 委屈的泪就不由自主地流下了, 感觉就真的很委屈. 我没有真正享受晚宴的喜悦, 我只是一直在掩饰自己的缺点, 怕的只是男朋友有那么一点的动作或语言, 暗示或明示我不漂亮. 我看着镜子, 头脑里只有一个句子-我到底哪里输她了? 我到底哪里输她了? 我到底哪里输她了? 我到底哪里输她了?....................!!!! 我真的不明白, 真的不明白, 我到底那里输了, 我的自信怎么不见了?! 男朋友的话为什么就能这么的影响我?! 而且还影响了六天了. 我几乎天天都被这事情烦着......谁能救我呢? 虽说解铃还需系铃人, 但是这次我怎么都不觉得男朋友能救到我 ......怎么办?!!!

看来我只有自救的办法, 希望我能找到有效的方法来解决问题!!!

P/S: 男朋友, 请别再用任何暗示或明示的方法来伤害我了, 我接受不来, 真的没有下次了, 我没办法在接受什么打击了, 我相信当我被推向绝路时, 我真的会走上绝路的. 请记得, 请请请请请记得!!!!!

失去信心了!!!!

再多三十分钟, 就要去弄头发了, 不知为什么, 我好紧张. 想了很久, 到底怎么了? 真的一点头绪也没有. 会不会是我担心等一下发型不适合我, 又让他看到不漂亮的我呢? 我是介意他的眼光吗? 还是, 我受伤太深, 害怕再受伤多一次. 说实在的, 我真的很紧张, 很害怕. 那次的受伤, 像是刻在心里一样, 一碰到就痛, 很怕再动到这伤口. 等一下的我, 会是怎样的呢? 我比谁都还要担心....真的...... 还有, 晚上的Law Night会有很多人在那儿,听说有很多认识的人, 要是我紧张, 会不会吐呢? 我是越来越没有信心了. 我开始很担心自己会怎样. 会有再次的伤害吗? 我怕受伤害.....

烦恼的我以及不漂亮的我

好久没有写部落格了. 今天总算能够逼自己写一些身边发生的事情了. 感觉好烦, 不知道怎么了, 一点温书的心情也没有, 虽然星期四才考试, 可是我已经承受不起考不好的打击了. 下星期一至星期四都有活动, 我要在这声明, 那可不是我自愿要参加的, 我是被逼的, 我一点兴奋, 开心的感觉也没有, 我只想逃离那个活动, 考试就在星期四, 我要怎么应付呢? 我能应付吗? 我真的不太清楚, 真的!!! 不知是谁定下的拉所有华乐的理事都得负责一个项目, 相信我, 这件事是我在答应成为秘书后才知道的, 我只想学习秘书的工作范围, 真的一点都没有想过要负责什么活动, 他们硬要我拿一个, 为了闭上他们那张嘴, 为了避免她那可怕又咄咄逼人的眼神, 我成为工委, 没想到, 会这么巧, 与考试撞期. 坦白说, 我不是带着玩玩的心态进华乐的, 我是真的想学习, 想为华乐作出贡献, 所以, 为了专心于华乐. 我退掉IVAQ-PROGRAM DIRECTOR, 因为我很清楚自己的能力范围, 我不能有太多的工作在身上. 在事业与兴趣之间, 我选择了兴趣-华乐的秘书. 可是, 现在的情形, 让我对华乐彻底的死心了, 我对华乐一点感觉也没有了. 这让我想起来, '不要把兴趣变成一项工作, 你会失去这兴趣的', 这证实发生在我的身上了. 我对华乐没有任何热诚了, 所有的兴趣, 已经不在了. 看来当初, 为了弥补在钢琴里得到的伤害, 在华乐里始终没能再回来了. 我错了. 我做错选择了. 星期一, 他伤害了我, 他对我说了一句我曾要求过, 别再提起的人, 我真的是一而再, 再而三地要求, 我很明白, 我们的感情会因为这原因而受影响的, 所以我怕他忘记, 尽量不要提起他的校园生活, 我尽量只聊戏里的情节, 当我们正聊得开心, 他说了一句话 '虽然她很漂亮, 可是性格很糟糕; 虽然你很_______, 可是内心很善良' 空格里是什么, 想必每个人都可以知道的. 请问那些在听到你男朋友说这句话之后, 没有反应的有谁? 她真的很美吗? 坦白说, 我有看过这个人, 可是我就是不记得她的样子, 我的脑似乎可以删除那些不该在我印象里的人的样子, 我一点也记不起她到底长什么样子. 可是, 自从他见过她之后就似乎都没有忘记过的一分钟, 什么事情有关系到美, 他的例子就是她. 我承认我很自私, 会吃醋. 可是, 有谁能忍受, 自己的男朋友, 一开始跟自己在一起, 从来没有说过, 我漂亮之类的话, 我是女生, 我需要赞赏的, 尤其是来自男朋友的. '原来你很漂亮' 这句话, 也是他在friendster公开了我们的关系之后, 他的朋友写给他的comment 里, 他才这么说的. 刚开始, 我还沾沾自喜原来自己是漂亮的, 也没想过他是在什么情况下说出来的. 他还说恋爱中的女生是会变得漂亮的. 为什么在我这一年多里多次为他的打扮都不及他对她的一眼闪过, 我不是太失败了吗? 我其实不爱打扮, 只是有时会因为要与他出门约会而悉心打扮一下, 只求他的一句称赞, 多看我一眼, 会为我感到光荣. 可是, 当时他的那句话, 抹杀了我的期望, 抹杀了我心里漂亮的想法, 美妙的期待. 我不会说我的心碎了, 不值得, 真的不值得. 当时我的头脑什么也不能想, 只是平常都对辣椒敏感的我, 猛吃sambal, sambal似乎什么味道也没有, 一滴眼泪也没流下, 一句话也没说. 没想到, 他竟然说我把事闹大, 我真的什么也没说. 那是我第二次吃辣椒, 之前一次, 处于分手的阶段时, 我吃washabi, 的确.......什么味道也没有, 只有胃在受伤. 这次, 我没有避开他, 一样见面, 一样吃饭, 一样说话, 只是多了一份距离感, 我没有亲切的问候, 包含爱意的谈话, 只有冷淡的一颗心. 我冷下来了, 没想到这段时间的付出, 得到的只是内在美的受承认. 不象前面几次的意见不和, 大哭一场就会心平气和, 这次我没有哭.....因为哭也没用. 之前的争吵, 我只是因为他把我完美无缺的童话世界涂鸦而生气, 我大可以把它忘记, 檫掉那些不美的回忆, 重新开始再创造美丽的回忆; 但是, 现在这件事不一样, 它不是, 我要忘记就忘记的回忆, 它不是回忆, 它是事实, 事实!!! 我不要接受都不行, 不行!!!样貌能怎么改得让他第一眼就觉得漂亮呢? 这是他的看法, 我不能一一得紧跟着, 我会累的.

Midterm Break Coming

Actually my midterm end on Wednesday, i am supposed to go bac on Wed, and i can be sure i am more than willing to go bac on Wed as i have been stay here for 3 weeks d. However, i stay here for him because he hope to bring me to his grandparents' house before i go bac, so i wait for him since just 2 days later and i can gave him moral support for his midterm on Friday. Lh gave me a very good excuse to stay here when i am hesitating, lh accompany me go shopping on Thurs. This is the second time i shop v her. I still remember last time when i shopped with her, i found out we have different taste, she prefer electronic stuff and im not. So, when she mentioned she wanna shopped for clothes and shoes, i thought something with my ears. Surpringly, we shopped happily that day. Thanks to her, i entered a branded shop which i never noticed this shop and dun even know there is this kind of shop in mp. Thanks to her, i bought a white colar shirt with favourite design which i found quite a long time d and i thought that was just my imagination, no such design will appeared at the market. She rank up my interest to shop. Thanks

3 Days In Pantai Hospital

Day 1

After i received mum's call on Thursday afternoon (28/2) i went to Hospital to visit grandpa, concern about what their needs and guess what grandma need also ( why have to guess instead of just asking them because one things for sure, she will never let you know what she need she don't want to give troubles to anyone), so, i guess she was too rush and forget to bring her sweater and some bread. When i get there, grandpa and grandma was chatting outside of the wad. They are so surprise to see me ther, Why they sat outside of the wad? this is because the wad inside is too cold for them. Har....get it, they did not bring the sweater, i passes them my sweater, they are so glad to have sweater, although my sweater quite small to them, but they did feel warm. Grandma asked for some water as the water at Pantai have some medicine smell, she cant tahan the smell. After went back from the celebration from uncle and aunty (kp's father and mother) i went back to hospital to stay with them, so that i will know what they need right away, i really cant leave them alone there. Day 2 The next morning, grandpa cannot makan since last night, not even a bite and a sip of water. we were told his operation will be held at 10am. It was already 11am yet the nurse havent inform grandpa, i chatted with grandpa, i can see he is quite nervous yet he told me he did not. just feeling cold as i hold his hand, his hand was so cold. i put on a blanket on him. Theni go and ask te nurse in charge, is it because doc busy or grandpa's name left out? The answer is doc havent come out from the opt yet. So we just waiting and waiting. About 11:20am, nurse told grandpa to be ready, grandpa went to the toilet and he take out all his watch, ring and others that will affect the opt system. When he was ready and waiting for the nurse to push him into the opt room, i hold his hand and said 'Grandpa, dun get nervous, everything will be alright and we will waiting for you here, we wont go anywhere', grandpa did not said anything and just nodded his head. Grandma said we just wait for him in the wad, but i knew actually grandma feel like going with grandpa till the opt room, so i asked grandma to accompany me to send grandpa till the opt room. Grandpa was so calm to face the opt, this kind of encouragement is hard to find from my inner part. Grandpa enter the opt room at 11:35am. I brought grandma to the canteen to have our lunch, before that i asked is she hungry, she kept deny, but after mum insisted me to bring her for lunch, only that i realized how hungry is my grandma, she finishes her mee soup in 5 min.....omg, im sorry, grandma i did not realized that u r in hunger d. After that , we waited grandpa at the waiting corner, grandma lie on the wall and closed her eyes, i asked her to have a short nap while waiting for grandpa, she refused, she wanted to wait for grandpa. I realized how tired she is and how deep is her love to grandpa. Although this is only an old husband and wife's love, but i understand how hard to maintain the love for ages, THEY DID IT!!! Grandma keep asking how long is this opt was going to be......Finally at about 2:10pm grandpa was pushed to his room, at that time he is conscious, he still can smile at us. although he cant move at all, he told us his legs was so numb, he felt so pain, grandma said he will be more pain after a while. He felt so hungry and thirsty because he's not having any sip of water since last night. After grandma feed him some soft diet, he slept. Grandma asked me to go back and take a rest and even a bath. Before grandpa has a nap, he also ask me to go back rest, im so touched, although he cant speak and in pain at that time, he still concern about me. I have not go back but accompany kp to go for a lunch at the canteen. At about 4pm before i leave the hospital i went to visit them again to see whether grandpa still in pain and is grandma need any food, but out of expectation, both grandpa and grandma was resting. By the time i leave hospital, i met with my friend, xl, she came for medical check up. When i reach apartment, i took a bath and washed my clothes. And i called mum what to buy for grandma's dinner, im sure grandma wouldnt want to have dinner outside, she wanna accompany grandpa. I asked kp to buy pork rice before he came. When i called to grandma, asked her not to makan hospital's food, i will bring the food for her, she told me she has makan, no need so bother. I replied i have bought her the dinner, i dun care i want at least she share if she dun want to makan. When i reached Hospital grandpa just had his dinner, he told me his pain on right face is getting better. I handed the rice for grandma and asked what she makan in canteen just now, because i remember she mentioned the food there expensive and full of aginomoto. Then she smiled at me, and answer actually she did not makan, she just dun wan to bother me. I was like....omg, dear grandma, why u said so, it is not trouble for me at all, you need the food and energy. Then i went makan with kp at Jusco food court as we need to go pay Digi's invoices. About 8pm i reached hospital again, as mum and uncle aunty all said they will come visit grandpa tonight, grandma was so excited, and keep asking me to call them when they will reach and the exact place and so on. I knew she was so excited. She even told everyone her daughters and sons are on their way. In a short while, mum, 2nd uncle and aunty reached, grandpa was so glad to see them although he was still so weak. In 30 mins more, Youngest aunty, 4th uncle's wife, 3rd uncle and 4th uncle's wife-son, Ivan. He is so active, running upside down. But he scare of kp, grandma and grandpa were so delight to chat v them. Ivan keep calling grandpa and grandma, both of them are so happy. The scene was so happiness, i feel so satisfy. At about 10pm smth, they suggested to go for supper, grandma said she wont follow as she has drank enough tonic from 3rd aunty and mum. She said all those is more than enough for her, she might as well accompany grandpa here. Kp and i sat separate car to guide them to mmu corner, they were so surprise to see so many stalls was still open at this hour. They all said mmu students' life is so amazing. About 11pm they all went back home and i went back to Hospital to see grandpa and grandma again. They have slept, i left my scaft there and promised i will come again next morning. Day 3 The next morning (sat morning) i woke up late, i reached hospital at about 10am, i saw grandpa has changed himself to go back today, he looked so energetic but grandma was still sleepy. Grandma said grandpa had 2 cups of milo and breads this morning, then i asked them whether they want to go out for lunch? grandma seem so happy for no need to makan here again. But grandpa seem a bit worry, i told him we no need to walk far one, he can just walk for few seconds only and we got car only that he smile at me. And one thing they worried will eldest uncle reached here when we went out makan? i called him and confirmed with them only that both of them agreed. When i asked nurses permission, they worry we might 'cabut' and refused to let go. I keep it from grandma and grandpa, after confrim with nurses what grandpa can and cannot makan. I insisted to bring them out for lunch. kp drove the car and stopped at the entrance to fetch them, they seem so surprise why car can drove till the entrance. This showed that they have been walk so far away to enter pantai. The person who always drive them here, never stop at the entrance but asked them walked such a distance. OMG!!!! how can this to happen?! I dun want to become this kind of person, i hope i can treat them good as how they treated me all the while. We went "HENG" to majan chicken rice, grandma said she saw this size of chicken ball before in youngest aunty's house, but today is so lucky can have it at the shop. Grandpa really eat a lot, he did not say anything, he just makan and makan, he was so hungry. When he wanted to go washroom, grandma seem so worry, i quickly followed him and waited him outside the washroom. At about 12pm we reached hospital again after makan and grandpa seem tired d. When we reached hospital grandpa has a short nap, and i promised grandma i will bring both of them again to visit malacca. She worry she cant tahan to walk for the whole day, i promised i will go according to their pace. She is so happy to hear that and so hope that day will come soon. At about 2pm uncle came and paid for it and also take the medicine, they leave at 2:10pm, and this time i male sure uncle drove his car at the entrance to fetch them. p/s: hope grandpa get well soon. And hope both grandma and grandpa stay healthy forever and ever.

Continuation of Birthday Celebration

As usual, i went to campus for Security class. However, there was a little early than before, this is all because we have a meeting with Senior, Shu Chien (ms's sister) we need her knowledge about auditing process. after one hour meeting, i went for lunch with lh, sc and m. we went wi for lunch and so sudden kp come and pass me a birthday card before he went to class. Then he keep asking about my friend's stuff. i was like omg......today is m big day wor. can u at least care more about me instead of asking all my friend's stuff?? sc, lh and hy gave me a necklace with treble clef pendent as my birthday present. THANK YOU......

After class i went back to apartment, due to my big day i did not study, i watch anime (although i watched almost everyday, so, that is just an excuse), at this time i received mummy's call that grandpa will admitted to Pantai hospital for a minor operation. After that i called kp to fetch me to Pantai. He said he was kinda busy so he cant make it at that time. About 6pm he called me and told me that he was at wi (no hesitate why he was there because he told me he will have a discussion with friend there) he ask me to go there for a dinner due to the convenience. So i just walked there, surprisingly i saw ly? eh, why ly was there? She told me is accidentally met kp one. so i sat down and chat v her. So suddenly birthday song enter my ears.....when i turn back i saw yj, lj, lh, sc was there holding a birthday and sing birthday song for me.....i was touched i nearly cried but they stop me, i make a wish and blow the candles. we sat down together to have some teas.

" Thank you for celebrating my 22nd Birthday"
From left : Linhui, Huiyin, Siew Chin, me, Lijing, Yj and Luyi

" Here is the Birthday cake prepared by kp Thank You'

" He is the so-called Party Organizer"

" Linhui and i"

" Huiyin and i"

" Luyi and i"

After that, uncle and aunty also celebrate my birthday in the restaurant and give me present. Thank you very much.

Happy 22nd Birthday

Time flies!!!!i have been staying in this world for 22 years d. oh i cant imagine that, i am 22 years old young lady d, im no longer a child who need pamper often from parents, friends.....at this age, some of them even getting married or became parents on their own d, success in their career or even start working hard for the future. Although i am still study, i know i am 'working hard' for my future too. Anyway, Happy Birthday for myself. My first present is his victory in moot competition and be the best auralist. Congrats. p/s: hope lh will over come all circumstances.

Failure

Fail in doing well my exam and also my relationship. Although i know not all the things will go like what has expected, this is what i get to know after entering mmu, but can we at least prevent it? Avoid to do anything that will hurt another party or anyone. For me, i believe in perfect, even though there is some imperfect things happen but i do believe that will be an end, after some incidents or imperfect things happen, our life will become better. However, things just not go as the way we like and we wish. Even though i try to make my or even our life better, but he just want to go against it. All my perfect dreams gone. I cant believe it, i cant accept, Why can he did something against our promise? My heart has break into pieces, and gone follow the wind. Can it be come back again? can it? No trust, no promise, no sincerity, no honesty, no respect.....how can it be back again? Can i live without a heart? But is it better rather than having a broken heart, and as a result the way i see things will be damn pessimistic, what the point then to have a heart back? I skip the class today. my first MA class in new sem, in first week, i never dare to skip class in the first week, but i did today. i just cant attend the class without sunglasses or a mask. I know, rationally i shouldnt skip the class, but no point to force myself while my heart is tearing, crying, yelling.....i did force myself but finally i gave up at the time my dearest friend came to my house, i don't even know how to face anyone. Im sorry, Im really sorry. What is 2008 for me? What is Chinese New Year mean to me? 2008 gave me a disaster that i cant avoid it, not that i dun wan to understand his situation but this is not the first time d. And he did promise me he wont repeat the mistake but he failed to hold this promise. He showed no respect d. And i am the last person to know this incident and even after the thing has happen. obviously he is only informing not looking for any solution since he know he has promised me. The reason he gave is he was in chaos. Ohic, the promises, i forgot to enforce with no exception including chaos situation. This is the thing have to bear with mind who has bf who studied law, everything must make it damn clear, including all possibilities or accidents. Ok, i admit i failed to legalise the promises. It is really a 'new course' for me to learn how to handle a law bf, and after this incidents i know actually he does not really care for this relationship. How failure i am.....

Bad Result!!!

Finally, Gamma 2nd sem result is out. however, i am happy and sad at the same time. the emotion is so complicated. happy because i pass all subject as i am still prepare for the supp actually. i really study for the supp indeed. i studied almost everyday just like i am facing real final now. my parents thought mmu syallabus has change, the final is after the sem break. when friends asked me what plan for holiday, i was just say prepare for the supp. sad because my cgpa dropped. as a result i don't know whether i should happy or sad, is too complicated. i just sit down there and tidy up my complicated emo. what has happening? why my cgpa dropped? is it because i did not really study well? i spend too less time for the final? or is it because im really not good in memorize subjects? and last sem all three subjects are memorize subject, i hate memorizing term. new sem is approaching. emo complicated again, im scare of facing the new sem, scare of facing all new stress. anyway, i still have to face it. so gambate ya. p/s: 3 weeks i did not see Linhui, miss her a lot.

2nd sem Break LASTLY!!!

Finally, after struggling for how many months d.......at least is a freedom time for me, at least i can get a sound sleep and nice food. Actually i hate cup noodles after having it so many days. unlike those sem, this sem seem to be more tougher and harder, more stress also. All three subjects this sem are just like shit for me, OMG, all memorizing subjects....i hate this..... No matter how, is over d. At least i can have my holiday. Where to go during this holiday le? Everyone's school reopen la, uni reopen la, how come our uni just start holiday one? oh, seem like no friend to gather with me. Anyway plan for tonight first, hehe...plan to go for a movie since i have stay in the room for dunno how many days d.....how is dinner? how about Shibaraku Buffet......wow....sound not bad......haha.....imagine again..... Happu Holiday.

The beginning of 2008, the ending of 11/12

What i did on the 2nd of 2008? i cant believe that word come out from my mouth too. i really just cant imagine why i have the guts to say so to him. i hate people show me no respect. i hate that. but he did after i told him so many times. he ignore me by saying that 'i go bath first' by that time i was venturing out my stress and mood emo. i tried to stop him as i dun wan him to do anything i hate the most. i knew i cant accept any disappointed from him. i admit he was the guy i hope to stay forever with. However i cant stop it at all. when he said he wanna go for a bath, i told him not first, at least listen to what i wanna say, let me finish it first. After i said this many times, he choose to ignore me and just pause me like that. It is so cruel to me, it is so rude. to be frank, i cant accept at all. his excuses was he was moody also and he thought i just throwing tantrum. Can he at least show me the basic moral value-respect? i once remind him by saying that i will break all the ties with them who show me no respect, but he seem like treat it as movie line, forget it right away no matter how many times i have remind him. I 'gave' him the chance to hurt me. I deserved it.