Merry Christmas

What do u think about my christmas? celebrated with him? count down with crowds? NO!NO!NO! ALL WRONG!!! The whole night i was sitting in front of the computer to receive files from psa group members. i need to compile all of them and send it to on 27 Dec. and i have a lot of revision on hand. Although im not celebrating with him, but i celebrating with my best friend, Wanchi. she is alone also due to her bf is currently at kl. so, i celebrating with her. we choose to go Mori because it near to my house. only two of us there, so everyone was like......why this 2 girls celebrating christmas here? but in facts we are proud of it. we ignore how people look at us, we just chatting, laughing, taking photos. we were there till 11:30pm when everyone is waiting for the countdown. but we have to go since it was really too late d. sumore her family keep calling her. so, i fetch her back and actually count down in my car............alone........singing Merry Christmas song for myself. At sharp 12:00am, he called and wished me "MERRY CHRISTMAS" actually i still think of he will forget since he was playing game at cc with his friend. haha....never think of this will happen to me- i will celebrate christmas without his accompaniment. last year, we were celebrating christmas together. although we were not celebrating christmas together, but i have got his present a day earlier-<THE GREAT COLLECTION OF STUDIO GHIBLI> i feel so touch as he still remember what my favourite cartoon. hehe...... Thanks KP for the present. i love the present you gave me.

Cup noodles!!!

Cup noodles.......it is a necessary food supply for almost all uni student. for me, nonono, 'it will never be my food supply' this is what said last time. because i will go back every weekend, friends will accompany me for food and he will bring me to anywhere where i can get delicious food. unfortunately i fall in love with cup noodles also like other uni student. thanks to him. sometimes when we were in 'strangling' situation i better to have cup noodles instead of having moody dinner with him. i found out that cup noodles consist of a lot of negative emo. it means loneliness, sad, ignorance, stress, even sometimes i feel that the noodles shape looked like words.....(no matter what words inside i can just read out a sentences related to what i read before i eat) stress + cup noodles + loneliness = final

Stressing!!!

final coming......assignment havent done yet.......due date coming. yesterday was holiday, i thought i can finish my assignment and do revision. but he keep asking me dating...dating...dating......i told him i have limited of time, if i cant finish it all on time i will be very stress.....he cant understand at all. he cant even think for my behalf. in order to please him, i sacrified my limited time for him. when he saw i looked so moody, still asking why i looked so sad? can i still look nice when i have to put my things all aside? this morning i have to register course for next sem. when i sms her, no reply, call her, nobody answer. what!!! can she have her timetable organized? no choice i went to campus on my own, i cant waiting for her d as it was already 8:50am. after waiting for some time, she did not appear yet, call her, she still at her room, wonder is she has awake or what? shouldnt she care about her course registration? ~speechless~ when i came back i was so frustrating. i call him complaint no time d la...........he reply '.....go and do lo, no point u wasting time to tell me......' i was stung there, only that i realized that i was so stupid,i looked like idiot to tell him all these!!!!! how can i just go back hometown without complete my assignment, no even some......without finish revision.....and on the other hand, maybe i will misses the chance meet with chi, 'dong zhi', christmas..........which one is more important? i dun know...i just want to be alone...the place, the time that nobody is allowed to disturb me..... ~hibernating~ shh.......

Happy Anniversary

Today is our special day. Our one year anniversary. we were together last year 11/12/2006. this date is also my younger brother's birthday. from that day onwards, we will never be forget this special and meaningful date for us.

Today he act nothing and foolish seems like he is too busy till he has forget our anniversary. In the evening, we went out at about 8.15pm. We reached 'Sampan' , a very romantic cafe, near Klebang beach. this is the place where he has booked last week. he purposely booked a place near beach and nice view with a decor 'Merry X'mas' in front of me. i feel so happiness, seem like 2 festival celebrate together. the seat is under a shield. we have sizzling chichen chop with black pepper and mushroom flavour, large orange juice and Terriyaki. it is so sweet for 2 of us. he seem so familiar with the people in charge there. the waiters there will keep smiling at him.

after we finish the dinner, he excuse himself, after a while i saw him with a banquet of flowers with a bear in front. when i still stunged there, a heart shape cake served by the waiter is placed in front of me, and then he say 'Happy Anniversary, darling'...........i was like......what happen?!!!so sudden...!!!! i stare at the cake, written there ' Happy Anniversary P N KP', and the tears bursting out, i was too surprised what he did to me. he told me he was too busy with the cake and flowers after work, that's why he went back late. i was so touching. Last time his friends told me he is not romantic type person, but he did all these because i love romantic stuff. then we share our cake with the waiters at Sampan, he said he want others get into happiness too. i asked ' how about people did not cherish it? he said, nevermind, at least there is still exist the antz.....haha,i think he is too happiness.


in the car, he show me his planning schedule, firstly he decorate his room with full of love decor, then booked the seat, the flowers, the cake, the budget blablablablabla.........whole page of A3 size for 2 days planning, i noticed one of his plan is to bring me to seremban to shop but fail because he can't take leave. this showed how he concern about our anniversary, our relationship. he looked so tired, all because of he has to plan all these things, stress with legal attachment work, not enough sleep.......

sorry and thanks kia ping. Thanks for your concern, your love, your sentimental, your caring, your attention, your effort, your everything.

Enchanted (2007) film

I love this movie very much, it can fulfill my imagination and suits my character. i was once living in fairytale's life, no reality, no facts, all imagination and dreams (of course not 'daydream' like someone la) . until the fay i step into mmu, i experienced all reality stuff. it was so cruel for me, i never think that this s how the world cruel. some more there are many of them telling me that there is out there more cruel thing in the future. i hate this cruel world.

And she is the characteristics i admired the most. and this is the only movie i watch second times. first time with him, and second time i watched with linhui, huiyin, yun qing and hsien ming. this is the first time i watched movie with friends after i came mmu and after im in a relationship. the feel is totally different, i feel more relieve, more dependent, more aware to the environment. i laugh loud as i can as i want, don't even think twice. unlike last time, i just cant be myself. i want to laugh, i want to show how happy i am, i just cant because he is by my side, although i know i just need to be by myself but i really wonder why i fail to do so.

Ah.....this is the feel with friends that i lost for almost one year. i love the songs she ag in the movie, it was just like im in the other world where full of fairytales and no reality. is this place exist? i just love this movie, it will bring me whenever i want to go that i cant in reality, where i want to be myself, i want to be alone.......where i hope to stay forever in....

Horror Weekend

i stay back this weekend. but i think this is a very terrible weekend. firstly i thought he is going to his friend's party, wonder i can let him attend it alone, after a thought, i realized that it is suffer to attend friend's party alone, so i stay back i don't really want him to be alone there. meanwhile i stay back also because of he hope i can stay back, saying that he has surprise for me. ok, since that i choose this weekend to stay back instead of next weekend. however, out of my expectation, his friend's party cancelled suddenly without informing us. wt.....i just can't imagine how irresponsible his friend is. so to make my stay back weekend more meaningful, i hope for his surprise. but......still there is nothing special, lunch->friend's present->back ixora->dinner->my brother's present->back to ixora erm........this is the surprise he mention/he wanna give me and saying that either this weekend or next weekend? at night, i received sis's call asking me a question that i cant forget for the rest of my life. 'sis, why u did not come back home?' something has happen my family all needs me but i stay back all because of him.....is it worth? why i so foolish, i neglect my family yet i choose to accompany someone that don't really need me, why i become so irrational? why i so stupid? although the thinking of asking me going back i just ignore it irrationally. because of him, i am not i am anymore. i am not the used i am anymore. can i decide on my own life without listen to him? can he become more muture, i just cant take care of 'a child' anymore. is torturing....terrible........suffering...........

Heartbreak

what kind of girls you prefer actually? have the appearance of beautiful or cute one? can speak english well? well dressing everyday? can cook well? i know i have none from above. as for appearance i admit not either one, english speaking-i can say it was like 'OMG' i am from chinese education family, im trying hard to learn also. well dressing-although im not really like to, but at least when i have date with you, i will dress up myself. as for cooking, i am learning from my mum whenever i go back to my hometown, i will assist my mum to cook, im learning how to cook, for what? for myself? just because of someone praise my cooking when i first cook a chicken burger with egg, when that person compliment my cooking and finish up what i cook , although i know not as delicious as Mcd's but it did increase my confidence to learn cooking. why i choose to go back hometown after 10am every friday, firstly because i miss my family. secondly, because my mum did not cook on saturday and sunday, so friday's dinner is the only time for me to learn cooking. Now, what i did all these things are seem like a waste. that person wont cherish at all. He hope i will accompany him this weekend, i lie to my parent i wont go back this weekend due to the heavy assignment,but the only reason is i want to accompany him since i have go back almost every weekend. i try to finish up all my assignments and homework, and spend our time during this weekend. A moment before, i just realized that im really heartless towards my parents, i shouldn't lie to my parents for him, i shouldn't.....!!!!! im so sorry, daddy, mummy. please give me a big slap to wake me up, please....please.....(since you can't do it now, i will do on behalf of u both) why u make me feel so guilty? i don't know how to cook now, but i will learn. i will still cook for you in the future. why u let me know u are envy others? dun compare, my heart is pain when i know why other can cook for their bf but i can't. u always bringing a book during our date. when i talk to u , u choose to talk with your book, whenever im not with you, you choose to play game. can i describe u as hardworking or take our date as ur study time? Am i really disturb your precious time? please dun ever make me feel guilty by saying all kinds of accuses again!!! please.....this is enough for me.

BBQ's day

Today i was told all cos committees have to join cos bbq. so, i stay back, i did not go back hometown. They told me 6pm. I was there at 6.03pm, but i did not see anyone, first i thought i have late or wrong place. Then i saw some of them came. to my direction. About 6.30pm,only few of them.......about 6.45pm they are coming all the way....WHAT?! I THOUGHT IS 6PM???!!! Kp's friend came and teasing me, saying all those bad words about us. i have ady moody and this make thing worst. i can say im not so familiar with cos members, i have nothing to say to them. i was alone but it doesn't mean i am there to been bullied. I feel so sad, i decided to skip bbq and go lepak to spr. i ventured all my moody things to linhui, she console me a lot. Suddenly a guy came in with a one year old baby in hand, then they told me that is his baby? what?! so surprising.......the baby was so cute but someone said no. i also wonder why, maybe he/she don't really like baby. The baby sat on my lap and imitate his daddy's action and sound. Haha....so cute. This baby names Samual. He knows how to control mouse and strolled down the screen page. Omg!!!!! What has really happen? He is so genius. haha.....

我们的感情真是如此坚固，能顺利渡过低潮？

试问那些成功踏上红地毯的夫妻们，在他们决定与身边的异性过下半辈子之前，是否都有度过想过要分手的时期？会这样吗？这是正常的吗？只是低潮期吗？是考验吗？是否有些经不起考验的情侣们，因此各奔东西？ ‘情人眼里出西施’ 这句话，显示了情侣间爱意已经达到了那种只看见对方的好，却无视对方的缺点。可是，往往那些缺点偏偏成为他们分手的主要原因。是爱蒙蔽了清澈的双眼吧！但是又有谁能在爱情的深渊里，很理智的判断每一件与对方有关的事情呢？是否是那些刚开始，还没完全跌进爱情深渊里的情侣才能办得到吧？！我也相信那些已经经历了多少风风雨雨，最后成功在一起的情侣也能明白吧！但是，还有多少经历不起爱情风雨的爱情，还来不及踏上红地毯，以分手为结局的情侣呢？我的感情又是那一种呢？ 要是对感情都已经不相信了，对方对你的漠视已觉得心酸，看透了呢？还有挽救的余地吗？还有，在你最需要对方的陪伴时，他。。。不知又在哪儿的呢？在心理最受伤的时候，要是你已向他伸出求救之手，而他选择漠视时，会是怎样的伤害呢？旧伤口，加上盐，是何等的痛？ 情侣间不止要有信任，最重要的还是尊敬。千万别一时疏忽而无视对方的尊严，这是对对方的一种不重视，不尊敬的表现。还有，就算有了男朋友，也别冷落了身边的朋友，因为很多时候，我们需要的不是男朋友，而是朋友。 KP，我们的感情真是如此坚固，能顺利渡过低潮？

Granpa, rest in peace

How is the feel when you are looking at doctors are emergency rescue your closed relative, like grandpa? Imagine the machine that checking his pulse was beside him. The doctors looked so uneasy, grandpa still don't have any response. Although we are not allowed to look at them, but i peeped. i know what is the worst outcome. i just hope miracle can come, but after that my grandpa did not wake up since that. i can't really know who am i d? people ask me, who is he inside the room? I can't really answer, at the same time i don't know what should i do now? All iin my mind just hoping that this scene shouldn't happen in my mind, maybe im still sleeping....i haven't wake up. my mum keep calling me, when i go fetch them, the scene i saw is.......everyone was crying sadly. The first question in my mind is 'a-gong, why u sleep without pillow? you will get hurt one, the neck will sprained. My mind is all blank, don't what has happen in few minutes. Untill now i haven't accept the truth he has leave us. My only regret is 'grandpa haven't look at me nicely before he leave'. i was with him in the afternoon but he can't open his eyes ady. He just calling my name. It seems like he has things to talk to me, just that his words are so blur i really can't understand, until today i also dunno and i know i won't get answer forever. Even when he is sleeping in the coffin, i still can't accept his leaving. I wil still hope that he can open his eyes look at me. Last time newspaper did say some people might come to live although they are died. But the miracle won't happen. It disappoited me twice, my grandpa did not come alive. How's my grandpa's life now? I hope that no one will bully him, and he has friends acompany him aside.

Good luck for your legal attachment

What’s happen? I can’t sleep at all. Is it because I have sleep too much for the past few days? I think so. I have been sleep for about 12 hours per day since I came back from Malacca.

Last few days, I emotional again. I even throw all my temper on him. But he seem won’t mind at all. On Friday night, I was throwing my temper on him, asking him bring back my laptop for me right now…….so is it obvious I’m really emotional? Of course I was just saying only. I won’t really want him to bring that to me. I don’t want him to fetch me back because I don’t want to feel so inferior when he was on the way back home, I keep thinking what will happen to him…blabblablablablabla……..Am I thinking too much? Or you can say that I’m concern about him? Ya, indeed. I am.

On Saturday night, about 9pm, I was at my father’s shop, I saw his incoming call. At first I still hesitated to answer the call, but I did answer at last. You know what he told me ….? ‘I’m at Muar now. Wait for me for 5 minutes; I will stand in front of you…!’ My respond was ‘WHAT?!’ Wonder what has happen I feel so excited? Eh, didn’t that I still angry with him? Why I so excited to meet him? When I meet him, I told him what has happen to me, he just answer that ‘you need some security’……I think he’s right. He purposely come Muar just to give me security. Thanks, if not I don’t think I will realized what will happen to me and my holiday. I thought he has all cartoons and games in his mind. I never think that he still concern about me until he can sacrifice his game and cartoon time. He told me that cartoon and game can be played anytime. But if I’m in the bad mood, he will be there for me. Omg, so touching…..

Today is his first day for legal attachment. Actually is 17^th October. However, he insisted to go today. Ok, since he has the enthusiasm let him be. I wonder what he has learned today…. (Hehe, is it treat like he is a child?) I just wonder how the progressing is. I dare not to call him until 4.45pm. I sms him. He said he will be ‘released’ soon. Haha….so happy for him. (Don’t know why so happy for him) he said he was so tired after the whole day work. He has to study all kinds of cases, long cases some more. So hurt to hear that. I ask him to rest more. I believe tomorrow will be an exhausted day also. Take care, my dear. You will get through this because you have my support.

argument.....

Nowadays, we keep argue over small matter. i wonder what has happen to us. he said i always minimize what good things he did but maximize what mistake he did!! Am i? Ok, i admit sometimes i will. I can say i hate the time comes when we need to apart....i really dun wan that to happen. So, i put all my hope and high expectation on every dating we have. I dun wan any imperfect thing happen in our dating as what i have set in my mind. i put high expectation on how well is the dating we have for every dating. But i realized the more i plan, the more i hope, the more disappointed i get. Like today, after his last paper, we are in the best mood of all. As what we plan, he go shopping with me at Mahkota Parade. i realized he was so not in the mood at all. ok, i understand maybe he has exhausted due to the final, disappointment happen in my mind d. ok never mind, i go back earlier so that he can rest earlier. Unexpectedly, once i told him i wanna go back home, he become so energetic. i wonder what has happen.....after a while only that i realized he can go back home for gaming d. sad....sad..... after that i realized he was gaming outside the whole night. Am i really too emo? Am i wrong to have more happy memories with him before his legal attachment and the Thailand trip? I plan a lot of things during the moment before he went for legal attachment, he has only few days before that. when i hint that i wanna go eye on Malaysia with him, hoping that he can plan on this. Again, out of expectation, he asked me to go ask friend where is the place...blablablablabla...... I might as well go by myself. Disappointment again. When u sad, what u hope your bf to say to u? Will u hope your bf said 'cry....cry...cry again, cry also cant help u much. cry for what? since u are in sad mood d, he answer this, what will happen? will u be very very sad until stop crying not because of happy d, is because have hate behind that d. u must be VERY HATE yourself that u express to him. As a return he did not console you, he did not help u but teasing you, what will u feel? will u feel very stupid at that time? Then maybe you will think that 'i have nobody else can depends on?' Wonder will you still express your sad to him next time? Will u? What has happen to our relationship? Maybe some distance we need now to maintain the relationship, that's why God arrange the legal attachment and Thailand trip for us. I might as well accept all this. And this is the only thing i can do now. Nothing else i can do for this relationship.

~Happy Holiday~

Yeah, holiday now. Another meaning is final exam over d. i can say i nearly give up this final due to some personal problems. At that time, one of my friend who considered as always burn midnight oil, urging me to study. she herself also cant tahan anymore. Then u can imagine how depressing i am at that time. But im really lucky to have such a friend to wake me up at that time. If not i think i will extend one year or supp paper d. Finally, all exam is over. All i expect is my holiday. I will plan for myself. kp cant accompany me this holiday because of legal attachment. So this is the holiday plan for myself....i do hope i cant live better this holiday.

Make A Wish

Blog is the place to make a wish? will u believe that? ya, u sure, although some how i dun really agree. but here is the example in reality........ Linhui juz publish her temptating famous amos in blog,dunno how long d, but i guess not more than one month gua, and she get two famous amos so far......wah, so envy la. so coincidentally, or i can say in so many ways ....se get them.....sumore show off to me?! hehe, of course not la. even she belanja me with fer most favourite famous amos. i can say i like it so much too. juz that the price is damn 'nice to see, nice to touch, but once U BUY, consider BANKCRUPT'..... Then i ask her, if im post it in my blog too, will i get some famous amos too?....she laugh and look at me again, but say nothing...hehe...she always like that....she seem love to smile, in my past experience, she is always so cheerful, so envy....she is always so optimistic.hehe.....but somehoe for me, i understand TOO OPTIMISTIC is not that good....hehe..... hope i can get 'famous amos' also......hehe.....she said bf can buy for me but the thing is he did not go kl la. linhui le....got a lot of kl friends le...so lucky....

笨事！！！

考试开始了。当然会紧张，因为没有准备啊？今天考的那张不知道会不会过关。 烦恼极了。在他家开了一场钢琴 ‘狂疯’会，什么都发泄出来了。回到家，看到linhui寄给我的email笑到翻了，马上转寄给朋友们。。。反应很好，每个人都说好笑，只有他说 'is nothing'....then...hahaha....什么嘛！！！！ 朋友的personal message写着。。。‘墨爾本唐人街得好多餐廳都在播 楊宗緯的背叛哦 ’，以为是大马羽球选手作了什么背叛事，本人很久没看报纸了，不知道。马上问那位朋友。。。他的回应是。。。？？？？然后说，楊宗緯是台湾著名的歌手，歌名叫背叛，他都快疯了。还说，‘拜托你，多些常识吧！！什么嘛!!!误会嘛！！！知道后就笑翻天了。想着他考试很压力吧？现在一定在拼书了。。。说给他听吧！接了电话，语气果然很累，就告诉他，刚开始还有反应，笑笑笑。。。我说到很起劲时，他什么反应也没有了，奇怪？告诉自己他正专心听着，期待还有什么吧？就听见他在打键盘的声音，接着，他 ’啊‘，一声！！我知道，他没听我在说什么，他在打机。我还以为他读书读到很累了！！！ 突然，变成笨蛋。。。。。

我要的不是这样。。。

心情好矛盾？好奇怪。。。都不知要怎么办了？看来他真的要去泰国了。。。本以为他不会去。。为什么别去好呢？去了不是更好吗？我不知道。。我想应该是我不想失去他，泰国时常暴乱，我很担心，他不明白。。。他要去。。。说对将来会有帮助，不然会后悔。一听到 ‘后悔’，我就怕了，我不希望他后悔。。。 昨天有try out，其实，我很想趁机阻止他去，可是最终我没有，我让他选择，若他认为这很重要，我无话可说。很紧张他有没有通过。。。他却说今天才公布。他说有一些人选择退出，我用希望的眼神看着他，他说他不会。。。我的心冷了一阵，好冷。他为这几天的冷战作了努力，他用蜡烛排出 ‘i love u, i do' 的样子，其实我很感动，我又哭了，他牺牲了他的早餐到处找蜡烛，又在刚才傍晚，温习后，赶出来的作品。可是，我的心已经冻着了，没有太大的表情写在脸上。 我本来以为这个泰国识辨没什么的。没想到，我的改变会这么大，就连我自己也不知道，我似乎在担心这，担心那。。。疑心病很重，哭了好几晚，几乎每晚都对妈妈哭诉，她要我把功课为中心，可是我快崩溃了，我每天都活得不是自己，越来越担心失去他。。。他没察觉，还做些让我更崩溃的事。考试到了，可我的心只有他，他却因为考试而似乎遗忘了我的存在。。。 可能对他的期待太高了，难免希望他会以我为中心，会以我为先。。。所以我时常会失望。。。 我要的不是弥补。。。不是离开。。。

our first mid autumn

today is mid autumn festival. i was thinking of celebrate with him. i remember i did hint him that i wanna light lantern and this means i did celebrate this festival. i knew now is final, but i juz hope he can celebrate our first mid autumn festival without worrying final. i can say i have hint him many times d. i wan surprise but he dun know. so i keep remind him telling him. i know for all of them this is not surprise d. for me, it is. and i like surprise. i mean happy surprise. we had dinner at his house coz his mum cooked. after dinner, he played game. today is mid autumn if he played game, what should i do? i go out and see full moon, no full moon pulak. sien...go in again. seeing him study this time....he didnt know today is our first mid autumn festival? after i telling him , i wanna go bac home d. only that he realized im bored.........he keep finding something to replace lantern.....i said since he din prepare for it, it wont come out now....he stop finding, replace with some candles. cnt even imagine how disappointed i get d. i know i cant wasting my mid autumn juz like that. i rushed bac home. i dun wan my mid autumn juz like that. another thing reveal...im stil waiting him to watch with me in cinema. i have told him so many times d. only that day i heard some one told me no this movie at cinema d. so i give up. ended up, i watch on laptop, makan mooncake, to celebrate 'our first' mid autumn....... for others maybe there is nothing. but for me it will be my memory forever. i wan to keep all of them as sweet memories in my mind forever.i dun wan any regrets in my life. that's y im so disappointed when he did not fulfill his promises. i know it is my retribution because this morning i cancel my appointment with linhui, juz wan to study with him. he will never understand how disappointed i am now. sorry, linhui, im really sorry.......... maybe remain single is the thing i should listen to mummy. if that, i wont get so many sad and disapointed things..........of course no happy thing also.......

My Beloved Father

what is daddy in ur heart? there is only a song name ' mummy is the best' have u ever thought that, father and mummy put together will be even best? when i was a childish child, i believe what the song sang. i always think that daddy not that important compared to mummy. sumore daddy is so strict, not like mummy , treat us like precious, take good care of us, love us, listen to us. daddy used to keep silence to whatever we make. in my mind, daddy will always like a shadow. we never know what is he really look like..... untill i was 18 years old, i was selected to participate in nasional service, that was the first year, so i can say those chosen are treated like guinue pig. once i know i get selected, i cried badly. it's even worst when i told my mum, she reply ' why did u lie to me? is not fun k?' i was stung there, see, even my mum dun believe i was selected. at that time , chinese was about 20% and gals stand less than half. i was so 'unluckily' to be chosen. however for now i can say it is not as 'unluckily' as i said before. i have to keep it back. due to this incident, i understand my father more and more. i began understand him deeply, love him deeply. i can say my luggage are all prepared by my parents, i really reluctant to go there. so i din prepare anything. father knows that i love chocolate, he prepare 'tango' for me, saying that this kind of choco not easily melt, i can keep it, whenever i wanna eat , i can eat. he prepare a lot of things for me. even my mum admit she is not as elaborate as father. mum say he is the one who worry me the most, he did try a lot of ways to stop me from join ns. he willing to pay RM3000 as it stated as a penalty for those who ecsape from it. he said if he paid this money then i can prohibited from going to the camp, he most willing to pay this sum. besides,i havent leave home for even one day since i was born, so, i lied that i have theory lesson every saturday, so that i can go back home,even though it is only one and a half hour journey, daddy asked many people for the route to come KEM NASUHA to fetch me every saturday at 1pm then fetch me back again at 6pm. although there is only 5 hours and half of them is on the way back. sumore my father still have his business but he wont mind, he just hope that i can go back home. he wont mind sending me here and there. every sunday he will defintely come and visit me, everytimes he and mummy will bring a lot of food for me. all my favourite. i know i used to like outside food and fast food like kfc, mcdonald a lot. but i realized when i entered the ns, i missed home cooking very much, i dun wan any outside food, even home porridge is enough for me. To visit me and send me, he sent his car to service for how many times d. i accidentally saw the receiptS, all in march and april. i enter ns at 16 february 2004. when he called me, he will ask how is the weather there? is it too warm? is it too cold? did ur tummy still pain? gastric? hows the food there? what u want? i send to u when we go and visit u la. how are u feeling? do u want some more chocolate? i bring more for u. now is raining season, dun get sick ya. if too difficult for u to join the activities tell them u cant, rest more ya. in past, he never told me or asked me so many questions ...all the answer or questions is like 'oh ok la,....then hanged up phone.....during ns, he say 'bye and good night'...of course i cried, i was touched, i have misunderstood my father. i thought he never concern us. but now he is so worry about me. now, i can say ns do help me understand my father a lot. i realized i love my father too. i cherish home cooking. i cherish every minutes i with my family. although i am studying in mmu, i will always call my father and chat with him. after ns, he seem change a lot. he join us, he understand us well. when i was moody, he will make me laugh, he chat with me like my best friend. he will buy us fast food that he wont last time. he will say ' i love u' that most father wont say so to their children. he will always joke with us, we played together just like children. so we did not scare father, but we respect him, love him,need him, we want him happy and healthy always... DADDY, I LOVE U....I LOVE U SO DEEPLY......

体谅是感情延续的重点

这几天不是怎的，心情超差的。应该是因为考试的压力吧！结果家平就这样有事没事的，让着我想他发脾气，其实，我不是真的要生气他。只是不突然知要怎样对待它。他只是忍着，忍着。。。。晚上，他像往常一样待我去吃晚餐，同样的，我没有给他好脸色。他一直逗着我笑，坦白说，我真地笑不出来，只是很想生气，骂人。他一直对我说，灯下我给你惊喜，你别一直生气。我又说，去你要去的地方随便吃就好了。结果，他带我去town，经过fun fair,我才惊醒，就问他，你说的惊喜，就是fun fair? 他什么也没说，也没有正视我。我知道我猜对了。他才笑着对我说，哎呀，保密功夫做不到家。。。我问他，为什么要带我去fun fair? 他说，因为最近我似乎心情不太好，考试压力太大了，就想说带我来这儿发泄，发泄。。。 我这样欺负他，他竟然没有生气，没有记恨，还想办法，让我解压。 他似乎忘了，他也是在考试。。。我被感动的什么也说不出来了。我很感动。他对我的用心已经超乎我预料的了。他对我的体谅与体贴，已经好得没话说了。谢谢你 可是，你真得很容易骗叻！！嘿嘿。。。。说去附近，你就去附近。。。。难怪被我发现啦！真的是，好气，又好笑。。。。 他带我去windmill吃晚餐，因为我说过这里的气氛够浪漫，不会太吵杂。吃饱饭后，我们去fun fair，他说他今天准备让我玩到尽兴为止，他会奉陪到底。玩刺激的游戏时，我把什么都喊出来了，看来我真的很多气收在心里。我大喊大叫，直到哭了出来，我承受不住太大的旋转，我吐了，他没有散开，他还帮我清理。我说想坐这，他就陪我坐这。。。最后，我真的受不了了，我要回家了，一路吐到他家，他家人吓着了。他一直很细心的拿水给我，为我拍背。我吐了，五六次，他很担心我会饿着了，可是我真的没有。反而，舒服多了。 什么都喊出来，吐出来的感觉真的很棒。。。。整个人都轻了起来。什么力气也没了。。。。什么都看开了似的。 谢谢你，家平。你对我不离不弃，那么细心的照顾我，帮我抛开烦恼。我不会让你失望的，要做一个体贴的女朋友，好好照顾你。

伤心的事比较容易记得？

为什么人往往都会记得别人做错的事？永远不会记得他为你的付出？难道你要看到他失望的表情你才会知道你错了？伤到他了？

对，今天我伤到他了。其实我一直介意secret没有在浪漫的情况下观看。那天原以为我们会去MBO看的。还很期待的。怎知他生病了，结果又取消了。等着等着，到我回家了都还没有看。坦白说，我已经不期待在电脑前看了。今天，我回家了，向他发牢骚，提醒他还未实现他的答应，他记起了，一直计划着，几时几时啦。。。。我嘴硬说，不用了啦！还要我提醒，你怎么不自己记得？好没趣！他似乎累过头了（因为从早读到晚），他有一句没一句地说，难道我已经要弥补了，你还不知足？我在生病着，又担心考试，难免会忘了。你就说你很失望，难道你就不能记得一点点我对你的付出吗？一点点地过失，你就记得一清二楚？一直放在脑海里？这句话点醒了我！！！是哦！我怎么一直记得他做错的事，他对我的付出我都不记得了。。。。

前一晚，他父亲说sumatera的地震会引起马六甲的海啸，要我们去高些的地方，他的第一句话就是，有什么事情你先走，别管我。。。。。（我）什么嘛！哪有这么严重？但是他很严肃地看着我。。。好认真。。。坦白说，要是他有什么万一，他又为我想过吗？我会怎样？可想而知，他没想过这一点。

还有，他会记得我一直想钥匙项链，那天我们一起帮朋友买项链时，发现我喜欢的项链，用尽各种办法，就为了给我惊喜，因为我告诉他，我是双鱼座的，喜欢开心的惊喜与浪漫。

当他知道我把自己的mp3借给妹妹了，没有mp3可用，他马上买一架给我，当时我们才在一起不久，早上我才向他提起，中午就有一架了。他知道我为了没有跟他一起打鼓而失望，他一听到那儿有，他马上带我去，真的事不顾一切。原来他一直把它放在心上。。。他说他知道我最怕遗憾，虽然有些迟了，但是起码他做到了。我应该不会那么遗憾了。我能不感动吗？难道这一切的一切，我都忘了。是我爱做梦的性格，让我对人对事，都要求完美？什么都要浪漫? 只要一点不是我想要的，就永远记得？我真不应该。。。

爱情考验-距离

家平下个sem就要去legal attachment了。他还担心没人照顾我，没人陪我吃饭。他一直叫我，不要每天陪他，该找回以前的朋友了。可是，我还有朋友吗？当初，我只知道陪家平，忽略朋友了。我还可以找回他们吗？我真的不知道。还有，家平有10多天回去泰国参加国际辩论赛，不是我要阻止他去。只是我真的很担心他。那里又是泰国，我很担心啊！其实我也很自私，我不希望会有那种相思的痛苦发生在我身上。他一直劝说我，那是他的一份成就，要是他放弃了，他会后悔一生。‘后悔’ 他用了这一个可怕的字眼。我真的不懂我该怎样了。我该成全他吗？会是我后悔的决定吗？我真的很怕，我想我已经到了那种不能失去他的地步了。他的一切一切似乎已经成为我的习惯。渐渐的，我失去理智了，我不懂分辨是非，对或错。这让我明白了，在爱情里，是没有理智的。让一个就算再怎么理智的人也不懂该做什么了。。。我到底该怎么劝说自己呢？我该如何是好？我很努力想让自己明白他对我们将来的努力与付出。我明白他这么努力，无非是希望我们将来能有美好的未来。我呢？我在干吗？我在无视他的努力？我在阻止他？我不为我们的将来努力，反倒在这儿阻止他？不是，我不是无视他的努力。。。。我没有。。。我就是不舍得离开他十多天啊！！！

爱情中重要的体贴

今天我回家，是麻坡的家，是妈妈来载我的。其实是家平要我回家的，因为他星期五会去kl-land office。星期六与星期天他有事要忙。他担心没人陪我，照顾我，像他一样的呵护我。起码我在家，我家人会照顾我。我却希望我能陪他，等他放工回家。他累了，我可以让他依靠，听他说说他今天有什么成就；听他说说他今天受了什么委屈，安慰安慰他，听他发发牢骚。我想坚持的。我相信没有一个人希望自己在累的时候，身边没有人可以陪伴。他只是在忍着。况且，妈说她有点不舒服，我得回家看看她，帮忙照顾这个家。我只好放着家平在一边了。因为我知道他起码还有父母会照顾他。可是，妈就不同了，她是我唯一的妈妈。下午，上完课后，妈妈来了。他也打来了。他在楼下等我，他坚持要送我，看着我回家。平时他都会送我回家，这次我不要，因为他更需要精神，而且也很危险，他是一个人回去的。我很担心，所以我宁愿他不要载我回去。他帮我把行李放进车里，然后，他在一边看着我离去。我看着他笑着，笑着送我离开。可是，我发现他皮笑，肉不笑。当我离开前，对他开玩笑，我发现他只是微笑带过。我说，你要乖哦！别找女生哦！他只是静静的对我说，这几天你要好好照顾自己，我不在你身边，你要记得准时吃饭，吃药。。。。。我都被打动了。我好想哭。我知道他对着我笑，是让我放心的回家，开开心心回家。好好享受家里的温暖，他知道我爱家。他让我回家享受，而他在外打拼。家平，加油啊！谢谢你！！

不能说的秘密

今天听着linhui给我的secret的歌。心里有些难受。昨晚我又叫家平陪我看secret了。怎知电脑有问题，一直弄着电脑，又一直打电话问朋友这，那。我的心里真的很不是滋味。这是第二次我叫他陪我看了。记得第一次希望他陪我看的，他似乎闷到了，竟然睡着了，还发梦。别人都说这出戏很感人，很适合与情人一起看。所以，我对这出戏很有期待。想象我们俩甜甜蜜蜜的一起欣赏这出戏的浪漫。我的期待真的很高。早知就不在电脑看了。这是第二次了，我又失望了。真的很受伤，没办法要怎样逼他呢？他已经很努力陪我了，可是真的没有兴趣。他只对打架，机械的戏有兴趣。昨天他看着看着，又拿着报纸翻一番，根本一点浪漫的感觉也没有。我的专心也不在了。心都碎了。失望极了。我放弃了，我根本没有心情看了，更不用说什么浪漫了。我说，别看了，我好累，送我回家吧！他吓着了，赶紧问我怎么了，怎么突然这样。可是，我当时真的心冷了，什么也不想说。结果，我什么也没有说，直说我累了。我后悔了。我不应该要他陪我看。我应该陪linhui去看，不相信什么与情人一起看会很浪漫，这句话。不然说不定我会喜欢这出戏。今天，我的心情真的很怪，心里一直闷闷的，有点碎的感觉。我告诉他了，他答应电脑好了以后要一起看，这次他会很专心的看。可是，不知怎的，我没有很期待，反而很平静的说不用了。我前两次都是抱着很大的期望看着这出戏，可是，都是以失望收场。哪有人看戏看成这样的，还得重复看几次？！有谁能向我保证下次我会不失望？我想他也很难保证吧！看来我不该抱太大的希望在一个不是自己控制范围的事情里。不然到最后失望也会是很高的。Linhui说她也是抱太大的希望去看这出戏，反而，没有惊喜。没想到，就因为这样我的心情这么糟糕。

属于我的安全感在哪？

安全感是什么呢？ 其实我也不太明白，在等到我失去以后，我才真正知道，安全感的重要。一段感情里，最重要的莫过于安全感了，是吗？ 在短短的几个星期里，我一而再，再而三的失去安全感。心灵变得好空虚，又担心，又害怕。可是，又有谁会明白我的心情呢？ 试问有谁能在一次又一次的伤害中，康复迅速？请问你有秘诀吗？能教教我吗？ 事情一一的出现，我还没能克服就已经被压死了。。。好累啊！！ 想要逃，却能逃到哪儿？家？朋友家？我找不到。。。。。 原来我是一个人生活的！！！

我不想念你

女：我好想念你喔！你有想念我吗？（很期待他也会说一样的话或更甜蜜的话。。。。） 几分钟后，。。。。。。 男：我没有想念你。。。。。。 女：什么？！（感觉自己好笨喔！！！！好自责！！！本小姐我这么不顾颜面向他献殷勤， 他怎么那么不识相。。。！！！） 男：。。。。。。。。。。因为你一直在我心里，没有离开过。。。。。。 女：。。。。。（无语)。。。（只有感动。。。。。。）

你不美！！！

某天，有对情侣在逛街，前面走来一位美女。。。。 女：你看那女生好美丽喔！！！十分我一定给她满分。 男：十分我打八分。。。。。。 女：（哇，这都不算是美女？看来他对美女的条件很高，这样在他眼里，我一定是丑八怪 了。。。。haiz。。。） 男：九分是给我最亲爱的女朋友。。。。 女：那十分呢？ 男：是给将来与我携手踏上红地毯，穿上结婚礼服的你。 女：。。。（除了感动，还是感动。。。。）

~so touching oh~

since i am the cos secretary, i have been busy for few weeks d......end up....im sick for almost one week d ......although i have been consult with doc...saying that i just need more rest....today 8am class to 12pm...but this 4 hours class can be the most torturing day for me, i feel so dizzy.....damn dizzy.....until i feel like flying even though im walking on the ground......at first i will have lunch with siew chin....but to be frank i cant tahan anymore, so i decided to go back and rest. when kia ping knew im sick again, he waited for me at fbl there. i was so surprise to see him there actually. i thought he will having lunch with Raj? he told me he knew i sure skip my meal and go back rest.....~speechless~indeed i have this in my mind....he saw my expression also know i sure skip meal again....so he purposely come and wait for me.....he forced me to go makan with him. when he knew i still need to go cits to confirm something....he offered his help to go. he insisted i have to go and rest. however i knew he was not that good also. he seem so tired and energyless. he settled al the things for me just want me to rest more. he knew i sure will attend the instruments briefing tonight. he keep convince me not to go and threaten me this and that...i still insist because i knew it is my responsibility to attend. today he did not convince me anymore but he said he will accompany me to go. he cant let me go there alone he wants to be there and take care of me. i feel so touched. after dinner, he went to the briefing together with me. this is my first time to be one of the organizer, i still dont know where to get the mic, he showed me all this, he called the people in charge to send us the wireless mic la, mixing everything.....after settle all the things, he was standing beside me when i was busying with registration booth. when people asked why he keep standing there? he answered he was there to look after me, he worried i might fainted anytime. i was stung thr? he told other people this?!i juz smile with them who look weird on me. i knew he was so boring there, he have nothing to do, and just standing there guarding on me.....then he went gym...at last i feel not that bad. after that he came bac again...again checking am i ok when he was not around. haha....

worrying~~~

juz receiving the news that i failed to book the venue for cos briefing on instruments.....what? yet i still informed they are even the new members the venue is booked?! i thought once i apply earlier should be no problem....but how now? she just told me....wait for the reply and print out the approve letter will do....so i juz wait and wait till now.......only that she asked me to go and ckeck why havent reply? what la......i go and ckeck juz now.......REJECTED?! what's happening? i feel like crying la......I juz applied for studio b.....all fmd and cits form have to refill ........... so stress la.......am i really suit the post? am i really can learn things instead of mess up the things? i feel so bad la.......juz st start the

1st meeting of cos with a identity of secretary

today is the 1st meeting with all cos hicom. wah, the hicom i informed all arrived, thz. a good sign. thz a lot, guys. after that about 830pm, Kwee Fong and i have another src meeting. so, this is my 1st time to have two meeting straight away. quite tired. sumore i have lots of question to ask Kwee Fong. i know nothing bout all system in mmu. so , i have to ask one by one. luckily she agree to teach me. thz ya. we discuss till midnite. sumore still have a lot of letters to type..... today i met with some housemate, Joanne, Grace. Yuk Teng, Sarah, all of them are foundation, some of them cant speak mandarin, so our conversation was mainly english. haha, that was my opprtunity to learn also. to be frank,i need enviroment to speak english also.

first time have my own blog

wah. just manage to get my own blog. maybe a some of them out there might laugh at me....ya, indeed. i don't know how to blog. after viewing linhui's blog, sou chan's and yichong's. i hope to get my own blog too. this to record my uni life in mmu. hehe......but i can also said that to record my life. hehe....

bad mood

haiz.......a bad news for me today. im get the lowest mark for my presentation among my group, and mayb among the whole class...i wonder....so sad to say that, but it did hurt me badly. why he can be the best presentator yet im the worst presentor? why there is such a big diffeences between us. although i can work rather well (i quite satisfy with 20/20 and 18.5/20 for finance and econ) for my studies. juz dunno why i fail to become a average presentor. i so afraid to talk in front of people. that day aunty, " r u a good public speaker? " i feel so embrassed to answer her frankly. then she stop asking me since that question. today the truth proven what i said that day, the lectuere criticize on my emotion...she said i too nervous till i forgot my line....ya, indeed i am. i admit. however i still appreciate lecturer did not criticize me further more mayb she knew i cant receive any further hurts d. after that, i walked back to ixora with linhui and yj. they seem knew that im not in the mood to say anything. they also keep silent n accompany me back to ixora. i keep telling myself that i shouldnt let this matter to influence my whole day. but to be frank, i still in the bad mood although i did not express to anyone even him. he console me that he will try to train me as a good presentor. i wonder can i be trained? thz linhui, yj and kia ping for accompanying me whenever i need. linhi and yj, i knew i have to management my time properly on my assignment to corporate v u all. i knew i shouldnt behave so childish to remember what mistake people made instead of how good people treat me...i realized im wrong. i shouldnt behave more mature. thz for informing and advising. i will try my best to overcome it. kia ping, thz for accompanying whenever i need. even sometimes i will throw my temper on u when im busy, but u never scold or blame, yet u concern what was happen to make me feel so bad mood. thz for ur understanding and considerate. seriously i feel bad after i throw my temper on u sumore u still concern me after what i did. i will feel guilty and cry. suprisingly after that i will feel better and comfortable. so whenever i feel sad, i would like to meet u up. i knew i will get better after i meet up v u. hehe.....thz, kia ping.

Trinite 2007

" love this photo very much, quite a nice shot"


" outside of the entrance, real ice behind us"

" esther & i"

" lee ying & i, she is so pretty in her dress wor"

"joe n i, this is 1st time i saw her in black dress"

" i met Vincent, he is my senior, graduating soon"

"our signature on the " TEMPTATION" board"

my dear n i attending "TEMPTATION"

wat is Trinite? actually i know nothing about that event. any purposes? i also don't know.

however, all these question i get the answer when i got there. am i going by myself? of course not, kia ping wanna went there. i was disagreed coz the ticket fee is too expensive. due to curious, i agreed to accompany him. before that some of my friends told me that many of them have gone and rent the gown? wat?! rent gown?! why? can't i just wearing a skirt there? i was stucked there, only that i know trinite is a grand event like a ball. so, like others, kia ping accompanied me to rent the gown. i choose a light blue colour gown, with a scaf coz i dare not to wear bare back. he even booked a time with his hair designer to set my hair and make up?! is that too ridicurious?! but i admit my skill on make up is really kindergarten level. about 5pm we went to the hair saloon. they set up a new hair style for me. surprisingly it is the style what i want? are they so pro enough to know what's in my mind?

then bout 7pm something we reached Equatorial Hotel. wow, grand man! so many people there waiting to enter the ball room. but i only interested in their food served. buffet wor.....!! yummy!! i thought i wanna eat alot. in horror, i saw almost all girls have so LITTLE food in their plate?! what? i thought is buffet? can i take more then one plate? oh, my god!! seem like im the minority to eat so much. sumore my gown is too fit for me. i feel so bad. then the event began, we sat quite behind there, really see nothing. so, i asked kia ping to go in front with me. then i found some problems there, i walked slowly on long gown.......what la?! torture me la......!!! then i just stand where i stand till the end of the event. but luckily kia ping is there "papar" me to anywhere. if not im sure fall down and embarassed in front of many of them. he was forced to walk as slow as me also coz he can't left me behind. in the middle of the event, he said he wanna walk away for a while. i wonder where he went, make me stamd there alone like idiot. then i saw him walking towards me. i asked him withe higher pitch of sound......then only he said.......he was intended to go out and bought a bouquet of flowers for me coz he saw someone selling flowers at the entrance when we entered the ball room. only that i feel so guilty,,,,im still accused him for leave me alone like idiot there. oh, my God!! about 10pm the event ends. he feel so upset coz no dancing floor in the trinite as what he expected. for me, this is my 1st time to this grand event, quite a good experience.

mum's bday

today is my dearest mummy's birthday....and it is also the day for me to go back to campus life.....i feel so unwilling to come. when it was the time to go, i hugged mum and whispered 'mum, happy birthday'..... luckily, we cut birthday cake with mum last nite. mum was so surprised and contented. she smile happily the whole nite although it was juz a simply birthday process, my dearest daddy brought all of us for dinner as a celebration too. no wonder mum so happy la. in fact i was the happiest person that nite. that was quite a warmest day for our family. i wanna keep it in my heart forever....thanks a lot ya. thank you for daddy, mummy, sisters and brother being by my side, so that i have the opportunity to enjoy all these. haha.....muackzzz......i love u all.... this morning, i have to go back malacca d....the sweet last nite memories still remain fresh in my mind....when i reached here, totally no mood to do anything....after tat, i skipped my lunch, even though he asked me not to, but i was too moody, i juz wanna be alone.then i took my nap the whole afternoon.i wonder why everytime i come bac malacca, i will feel so moody. i miss my family a lot.....i have to overcome with it , if not i will suffering everytime i go back malacca. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUM...HUG N MUACKZZZ......

My First Romantic Valentine's Day

'i feel so happiness'
'he said the 3 roses mean I LOVE U, and the design of the necklace means that he will protect me always'

'this is the roses from kia ping'

wow.....valentine's day.........

although both of us busying our stuff during the day, but im really looking forward for that moment-im going to have my very 1st valentine's day in my life.

some more when his mum asked us to celebrate with them...he rejected on the spot, then he told his mum that maybe we cant able to celebrate coz he still have meetings to go....ok, i admit i feel a bit upset...however, i understand he put his academy and succeed at the 1st place.....ok, i have to bear with it...but suddenly he called me out before the valentine's day saying that the restaurant manager asked him to order the food 1st...he dunno what i wanna order, so he has to tell me.....only that i realized he is the 1st person in the list....means that he is the 1st person booked for valentine's day?! then i heard the manager reconfirmed with him that he request the seat near the seaside...wow.....what's happening?! i was surprising..i asking him what happen?he said nth.....we compromised make it at 9.30pm coz he has class till 7pm something and it fair meeting at 8pm.

he reached at 9pm, we went sampan bistrol, near klebang or exactly at that place...whatever la, tat's not the main point also. when we reached, the people in charge lead us the way....then he excuse himself...leaving me alone sitting down there like idiot.....suddenly something appeared in front of me.....roses!! then he said HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY....after that he put on the necklace he has bought for me....wow....i was stucked there,i still wondering what's happening...i too surprised till i have nothing to say...stucked there and enjoy what he did for me....then he told me that he has planned for this valentine's day dinner 3 weeks ago....what? during our sem break? he admit that he purposely told his mum maybe we wont celebrate valentine's day.he didnt go for the meeting. he feel shy when entering the florist to book the flower or even to bring the flower among people....he chose the necklace for me himself....he told me that tat's necklace carried some meaning......he will always be by my side whatever happen....he will protect me forever.....and more......i wonder who wont feel touched when hearing someone telling this before him /her.....

then i asked why he choose this place? he said this place is romantic and i havent been here with him before.....he said all he did juz to make me happy n surprise....yup, he success d.i really dunno what to say except saying thank you....

thanks for doing all those for me. i will appreaciate it forever........