Failure

Fail in doing well my exam and also my relationship. Although i know not all the things will go like what has expected, this is what i get to know after entering mmu, but can we at least prevent it? Avoid to do anything that will hurt another party or anyone. For me, i believe in perfect, even though there is some imperfect things happen but i do believe that will be an end, after some incidents or imperfect things happen, our life will become better. However, things just not go as the way we like and we wish. Even though i try to make my or even our life better, but he just want to go against it. All my perfect dreams gone. I cant believe it, i cant accept, Why can he did something against our promise? My heart has break into pieces, and gone follow the wind. Can it be come back again? can it? No trust, no promise, no sincerity, no honesty, no respect.....how can it be back again? Can i live without a heart? But is it better rather than having a broken heart, and as a result the way i see things will be damn pessimistic, what the point then to have a heart back? I skip the class today. my first MA class in new sem, in first week, i never dare to skip class in the first week, but i did today. i just cant attend the class without sunglasses or a mask. I know, rationally i shouldnt skip the class, but no point to force myself while my heart is tearing, crying, yelling.....i did force myself but finally i gave up at the time my dearest friend came to my house, i don't even know how to face anyone. Im sorry, Im really sorry. What is 2008 for me? What is Chinese New Year mean to me? 2008 gave me a disaster that i cant avoid it, not that i dun wan to understand his situation but this is not the first time d. And he did promise me he wont repeat the mistake but he failed to hold this promise. He showed no respect d. And i am the last person to know this incident and even after the thing has happen. obviously he is only informing not looking for any solution since he know he has promised me. The reason he gave is he was in chaos. Ohic, the promises, i forgot to enforce with no exception including chaos situation. This is the thing have to bear with mind who has bf who studied law, everything must make it damn clear, including all possibilities or accidents. Ok, i admit i failed to legalise the promises. It is really a 'new course' for me to learn how to handle a law bf, and after this incidents i know actually he does not really care for this relationship. How failure i am.....

Bad Result!!!

Finally, Gamma 2nd sem result is out. however, i am happy and sad at the same time. the emotion is so complicated. happy because i pass all subject as i am still prepare for the supp actually. i really study for the supp indeed. i studied almost everyday just like i am facing real final now. my parents thought mmu syallabus has change, the final is after the sem break. when friends asked me what plan for holiday, i was just say prepare for the supp. sad because my cgpa dropped. as a result i don't know whether i should happy or sad, is too complicated. i just sit down there and tidy up my complicated emo. what has happening? why my cgpa dropped? is it because i did not really study well? i spend too less time for the final? or is it because im really not good in memorize subjects? and last sem all three subjects are memorize subject, i hate memorizing term. new sem is approaching. emo complicated again, im scare of facing the new sem, scare of facing all new stress. anyway, i still have to face it. so gambate ya. p/s: 3 weeks i did not see Linhui, miss her a lot.

2nd sem Break LASTLY!!!

Finally, after struggling for how many months d.......at least is a freedom time for me, at least i can get a sound sleep and nice food. Actually i hate cup noodles after having it so many days. unlike those sem, this sem seem to be more tougher and harder, more stress also. All three subjects this sem are just like shit for me, OMG, all memorizing subjects....i hate this..... No matter how, is over d. At least i can have my holiday. Where to go during this holiday le? Everyone's school reopen la, uni reopen la, how come our uni just start holiday one? oh, seem like no friend to gather with me. Anyway plan for tonight first, hehe...plan to go for a movie since i have stay in the room for dunno how many days d.....how is dinner? how about Shibaraku Buffet......wow....sound not bad......haha.....imagine again..... Happu Holiday.

The beginning of 2008, the ending of 11/12

What i did on the 2nd of 2008? i cant believe that word come out from my mouth too. i really just cant imagine why i have the guts to say so to him. i hate people show me no respect. i hate that. but he did after i told him so many times. he ignore me by saying that 'i go bath first' by that time i was venturing out my stress and mood emo. i tried to stop him as i dun wan him to do anything i hate the most. i knew i cant accept any disappointed from him. i admit he was the guy i hope to stay forever with. However i cant stop it at all. when he said he wanna go for a bath, i told him not first, at least listen to what i wanna say, let me finish it first. After i said this many times, he choose to ignore me and just pause me like that. It is so cruel to me, it is so rude. to be frank, i cant accept at all. his excuses was he was moody also and he thought i just throwing tantrum. Can he at least show me the basic moral value-respect? i once remind him by saying that i will break all the ties with them who show me no respect, but he seem like treat it as movie line, forget it right away no matter how many times i have remind him. I 'gave' him the chance to hurt me. I deserved it.