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久违了。。。我的年记。。。

今天心血来潮想要在这儿发发牢骚话。最近心情甚差，想找个人倾述， 才发现及时想找个懂我的人发泄。。。真的没有。。。（为什么的懂我的呢？ 因为不懂我的， 跟他或她说的话， 我只是找罪受）

今天我请假， 其实最近我常请假， 心情差， 身体差，总的来说，想请 就请假。我蛮懊恼的， 我不是很爱这份工作吗？我不是已告诉自己接受了， 就要爱。。。这份工作。 怎么我会厌烦呢？原来是我有太多太多，又没能解决的问题。

;

昨天爸爸突然心血来潮想要上马六甲游玩。 （其实是弟弟在马六甲读书期， 爸爸想去找他，可又不好明说， 所以我们都看在眼里， 温馨在心里。）天啊， 我多么的兴奋， 开着衣橱， 反反复复的找了几套衣服，都还怀疑自己是否是去国外旅行。。。我提议带着外公外婆一起去， 他们是开心的咯， 一路说说笑笑的， 我好喜欢这样的感觉。我们直接去aeon jusco，紧接着， 弟弟才坐着kp的车到达。 前一晚， 弟弟拒绝出来， 给了借口， 当我告诉他，父母上去的主要原因， 他领情了，我总算做了一件姐姐做的事， 得到了作为姐姐的满足感。十一点到达， 可是停车场已挤满了车辆， 外婆连连称奇， 不明白怎么了， 真是可爱。

我们逗留了几家有折扣的衣服店，选了战利品，是开心的咯！由于担心外公外婆会肚子饿，我们就先去吃午餐。爸爸又是选择了， 他最爱的old town。外公外婆第一次来这，我读着菜谱给他们听， 没等我念完， 他们就决定了 （应该是担心我念的太累了）， 我不理， 我又在念下去，外公才该说他要海南鸡扒饭。外婆吓一跳， 千叮咛鸡扒是炸的， 外公看是好兴奋。真是的， 还这么小孩子气。。。

途中外公一直看着我， 问我为什么没有像以前一样胖回去。。。真是的， 我说瘦了才漂亮。他猛摇头。。。接着我们去鞋装部， 我买了一双露指高跟鞋， 帮外婆选了一双凉鞋， 买了一双凉鞋给爸爸， 他暗暗笑了。（爸爸买鞋的时间是我的十分一罢了， 很快的）外公说他喜欢这里，因为累了有椅子坐。接着他们就去食品部了，我和妹妹就往服装店进攻， 结果还是空手而回。之后又去'papa john'吃， 因为没有' mummy poor' ('papa rich')。披萨买一送一， 外公不会用西方刀叉吃披萨，他的皮萨变成一团团， 散散的， 结果大家笑成一团。外婆还叮咛他别把披萨切到隔壁去， 没人会帮他领回， 结果又是自嘲， 又是笑成一团。

最后一站，是polo haus衣服店，爸爸帮我选了几件colar shirt，我问他 ‘ 爸， 你要送我啊？’ 他静静地点点头。 爸爸心情很好哦， 才会心血来潮， 要给我们添衣裳。

家庭日， 欢乐日， 好开心， 好温馨， 可惜我忘了拍照。

没关系， 我已把细节记录下来了，在我脑海里。。。

妹妹的宽心

今天我跟大妹借相机， 她只说星期六她可能会用到， 到时再还她就行了。可是， 当我拿到KP带给我的相机时， 发现不是妹妹那一架， 我有点失望， 不是因为她的比较好用，而是介意， 她还这么跟我算。

结果， 我收到她的信息， 问我相机还要用吗？因为她拿给妈妈叫她拿给KP带来给我的， 可是妈妈刚才拿回去还她了。

原来。。。。。。

我问她是否介意借给我。她说‘只是一架相机， 有什么好介意的’。

坦白说， 她的回答， 让我好安慰。 真的。。。

外公， 外婆， 我爱你们！

我敢说我是个很敬老尊贤的人， 我很尊敬那些真心，和蔼可亲的长辈！

我很爱我的（外公说， 他比较希望我叫他公公， 比较好听~~)外公, 外婆, 他们是真心对待我的长辈们， 所以从小， 我都很爱，去外婆家！每个星期， 最期待的就是星期天， 去外婆家之旅！！！五点半了， 卖冰淇淋的小贩来了， 我们都会分批， 一些叫住冰淇淋uncle， 我就去大喊，“外婆， 卖ice-cream的来了， 快点， 不然他要走了！”外婆一定会马上拿着零钱包， 快步走出来，然后我做大姐大， 陪伴外婆一起去买！以前， 20 cent的冰淇淋有两scoop, 50 cent有面包的是我们大家都很想要吃的！每一次， 外婆都会卖给我50 cent面包冰淇淋， 然后再让我把20 cent的冰淇淋一支一支拿给弟妹，表弟妹们！外婆总是害怕， 他们看到我的优待， 还叫我快快吃！！！外婆， 好爱我哟！我爱外婆！！！

印象里， 公公都总是喜欢静静坐在一旁看我们吃冰淇淋，然后一直笑。我们都会问，公， 你要吃吗？（公公要吃的话， 给他我的吗？不是）要吃的话， 我去跟外婆讲， 叫她卖给你啊！然后我们自己吃。。。。。（公公应该会被我们气到爆笑吧！）然后， 公公最喜欢变魔术给我们看了！什么魔术呢？就是牙齿的魔术！！！ 公公能把牙齿变不见， 我们都傻了， 叫公公教我们这个魔术， 他说我们没有他聪明， 所以变不到！他还会掀开谜底， 把他的‘牙齿’拿出来给我们看！（猜， 我们接着怎么了？我想很容易猜吧！)我们几个马上用手‘取’ 我们自己的牙齿, 当然取不出！想起来时， 还真是觉得以前的我们， 真的很天真呢！更天真的还是，我们时常还会烦着公公变牙齿魔术给我们看， 然后自己再做一样的举动， 接着。。。。打从心底佩服公公。。。。（好愚，可是好幸福）

我上大学了， 外婆怕我不够钱吃饭，或省着不吃了， 她都会给我一些零用钱， 虽然不多，但是，我很在乎， 我很感动！工作了，我还是会去拜访他们，知道他们缺什么，然后 每当我去逛街都会买那些他们需要的用品，然后外婆一定会说’这个看起来很贵哦？有十多块（RM 10, 11 - 19)吗？一定有哦！” 我都会回答“ 没有很贵啦！” 她又说“十多块有哦？” 我就答“有，有，有，你很厉害了” [心想是几十块(RM20, 30 - 90)罢了]我相信我说了她一定不要了！可是我真的不在意， 我只想要他们开心！

去年圣诞节， 妈妈说外婆想要一个随身携带热水壶。刚好， 公司交换礼物时， 我抽到热水壶，我好开心， 第一次， 这样开心，以前都会看看别人抽到什么，那时， 我想都没想，在想要怎样包装， 怎样拿给外婆， 想到外婆开心的样子， 我就开心到！！！ 好难形容。同事们以为我抽到钻石， 纷纷跑来看我，开心什么，都来‘偷窥’我的礼物。 当然， 我才不管别人抽到什么了！然后， 我买了裤带给公公。回到麻坡， 第一件事， 就是去找外公外婆， 他们看到礼物， 还问我什么？？？？我说是圣诞礼物， 他们笑笑， 还不懂要拆礼物的，还很不好意思， 把礼物放在旁边， 望啊望的！终于， 外婆忍不住了，打开了（很小心的拆礼物纸， 好像要循环再用）， 她好开心，直说；很贵吧？我说；外婆， 不用担心， 这个不用钱的。她马上说我骗她！我解释了， 还希望她不要介意！她反倒更开心！公公拿着裤带进房间试用， 他好开心！其实， 他们不懂，那个时刻，我最开心， 最幸福！他们的笑容是我有史以来圣诞节， 最棒的礼物！

好几个星期， 没去找他们了！连通电话也没有，我都不懂， 我是怎么搞的！今晚， 我好想念他们！外公， 外婆， 我好想念你们。 明天给你们打个电话！！！我爱你们！ （可以想象， 外公， 外婆一定会起鸡皮疙瘩）

至于， 阿嚒， 没什么好说的， 要是我实话说出来， 会被指责不孝！不说啦！我只能说，家里第二的儿子可能没有大儿子， 其他儿子得宠， 但是二儿子的孩子们会是最争气的！

Memorial Day

Memorial day of my late-paternal-grandfather is today.

Time flee, it has been already 4 years (if no mistaken) he left us.

Grandpa, i drove to USj last week, i passed by Nilai. Thinking of you have been 'stayed' there for few years d. Suddenly i miss you. I have so much little of memory between you and me in my memory disk. Maybe you were too busy to play with me when i was small. There is only one present left by you to me as encouragement gift - mountain bike for my UPSR flying colour.

May you rest in peace.

生气的人其实很可怜的

记得我曾经写过我与妹妹们的关系。为了弥补以往我们一起西哈的日子，还有想家的感觉，我选择回来麻坡实习。我为了不引起妹妹们跟我的争吵，我尽量躲避，不出声， 就算看见她对妈妈无理，我也视而不见，我讨厌这样的自己。 我恨自己，这么懦弱， 向恶势力低头。可是我能怎样，她看我就是这么不顺眼，我也不能明白。难道我还要开口，跟她说不行这样，她会听吗？还是会跟我大吵，然后妈妈又能怎样，在这种时候妈妈说什么，都是会被指责偏心吧？

可是听了LH的话，她不对了，作为姐姐的不纠正，怎么都说不过去吧！妈妈就算知道我没错，她不开口帮忙说话，我也不会怪她。因为我们都知道她是有不讲道理的，看心情的。

所以， 就算妹妹们之前怎样对待我，我也不计较。（本来以为我这一辈子，都会不理他们）可是在2010年头， 事情有了起色， 小妹为升学烦恼，我知道她不会跟我讨论，所以想当初我为自己做的一样，为她准备升学情报，刚开始，她连看也不看 （因为放在她的位子已经有几天了，却原封不动）当时我真的很灰心，我也想过放弃了。突然，有一天，我发现她贴上note pad拿着升学情报跟父亲讨论。之后，妈妈告诉我， 希望我可以帮忙她，在教育展的事情。 之后，她就开始与我通电话，交谈， 有关升学的事情。直到揭开她对我一直以来的不谅解，原来是误会。直到现在， 她还告诉我她的quiz拿了15/15，恭喜了。小妹要继续加油哦！

大妹的事情就难办了。近期我才发现，原来问题不完全在我身上， 缺乏自信的她，对于身边一些不顺自己意的事都认为是不公平对待，是每个人欠她的。我真不知道要怎样。补缺她认为不公平的事情吗？这也只是短暂的方法，她有个无底洞的要求，永远不会满足。你有的她都得多拿一分，才能至少 ‘安慰’ 她的无底洞。而且还会不厌其烦的要求更多，不，不是要求，是理所当然认为应该就是这样。一点不顺意，她就要向每个人射箭，看谁可以 ‘迎战’ ， 这种时候，解决方法就是不跟她计较， 放宽心看待这件事，她没了弓，就没能放箭了。

以往，我看见她放箭，我都会发镖来 ‘回敬’ 她， 结果都是两败俱伤。今天，我看她准备 ‘放箭’ 的样子，说真的我很同情她。她皱着眉头， 我还没搞懂她怎么了，她就这么烦了。其实蛮可怜的，如果我也 ‘发镖’ ， 不是也一样可怜？所以我只是淡淡回应她， 她知道我这儿没能提供他 ‘射箭’ 的空间，就向弟弟发神经。天啊！疯了吗？什么是安宁，她不明白哦！她是想把家里变得鸡前不宁，她才甘心吗？

我还能怎么解救她她? 我真的无能为力啊！

骨痛热症

这么快来到天公诞了。农历新年也过了一半了。可是，比起别人，假期我也只过了一半。

弟弟在除夕就开始发烧，年初五被诊断是骨痛热症，血小板严重下降， 从150 跌到80 ；而血浓度从30 多升到40多，被送往医院吊点滴。刚开始我以为吊完点滴，没多久应该就可以回来了，哪知道，当我看见妈妈一个人呆着湿湿的眼睛回来。我明白事情不是想像中简单了。

当天我去医院看弟弟，发现他整个人憔悴了许多...发生什么事？不是早上还好好的吗？他的双手插满插管， 护士四小时就抽血，他痛得眼泪直流，轻声说他应该好好照顾身体，就不会来这了。真是的，这平时令人讨厌的弟弟， 每天作弄人的弟弟，曾几时都想打他的弟弟，现在躺在病床上，我的心都碎了。

我开始学分身了，新年的拜访全部告一段落，妈妈得全心全意往医院里忙，而我全心全意忙照顾家与店。原本假期的心情突然进入紧张且忙碌的状态，我还真有点不能协调。结果，雪上加霜的是我还得应付政府人员三天两头在家里查这查那的。还在我们家外面徘徊， 还得妹妹们都不敢回家， 而我忙了一天，还得回家面对这种状况， 当然有几次，我迟回，‘不小心’避开了他们。

亲朋戚友们知道了之后， 都纷纷致电问候，还给与一系列的方法，有者说‘煮8条小苦瓜加冰糖，喝椰水，喝西瓜汁，吃porcupine粉。。。等等方法。我们不懂，也只能尝试那些无害的方法。结果，小黄瓜在新年是不知去哪了，我们只好靠西瓜，说也奇怪，第二天血小板就升了。可是血浓度还没有下，他就只好听医生的话喝很多很多的水。虽然导致他20分钟就得如厕， 他为了离开医院，什么都照办。

今天他终于出院了， 听其他病友说，他为了出院，跟随医生前后一整天。 医生见他情况好转，就批准了。见他能回到家了，我也暂时安心了许多。不难发现，他在医院没什么休息，他要我先让他看在医院一直想看得戏，结果，只剩我在看，他只看了近15分钟就睡了，心想，这下，他能安心睡了吧！

P/s: 谢谢每一位关心问候我们的亲朋戚友，尤其是秋婷姐，小姑，外公外婆，舅舅们。。。等等 还有谢谢弟弟，他的归来始终是我最牵挂的。

Last Day of Year 2009

Flashing back what are the significant things have been done for the year. I'm actually satisfy of myself because at least i have done my internship required by MIA, achievement as marathon finisher, Penang trip, achievement as master of ceremony for company's annual dinner and get to know few groups of colleagues. Besides, i'm glad that i have sort out some problems of mine and widen up my connection with friends. I will never 'keep myself in cage' waiting for my happiness and satisfaction. Im gonna step out and look for them or create some for myself. So i work my planning 2010 well, occupied with backpack, seaside trip, study smart for my last semester (hopefully).

Meanwhile, i hope my lemah lembut character will transform. (Haha.......i use transform) Rationality will lead me to my suitable and right path towards my bright future. So do you guys.

p/s: May all the friends i know, family member i love surrounded with lucky, happiness and healthy.

Happy New Year 2010 ! * Cheers*

印象麻坡-40周年摄影公会

I found my dream back....that has been lost for quite some time since when i enter mmu. I really lost track with music. In my memories, i know music is in my heart. but somehow, due to lack of time (someone might say is excuse, yes, i do admit that, all blame to my bad time management).

Yesterday, i went back home for dinner by ‘印象麻坡-40周年摄影公会’, my beloved father is one of the committee in the association. This is also the first time i saw my father in tie and balzer, actually not bad lo, i can say. Then my father told me, actually he feel awkward wearing in this suit. No matter how, He looks really nice that day.

'Dad, i'm proud of you actually!'

At that night, was also the night i found my lost dream back. Ya, indeed. There was a organ performers. In facts, i had been bothered by bad mood throught out that dinner. However, everything change when the organ pianist perform on the stage, he catched all my eye sight and attention. For your information, being a piano or keyboard performer was, no is 'IS' my dream. He played 4 songs in 2 session. When he first play the songs, he turn my mood to joy, the songs start to bring me in my own world. (Ya, i can say, i have been in my dream world since yesterday, and it last till today, at least the moment i write the blog here.)

' He is Leon Law, an instructor of music school'

To be frank, i can feel the touching, i burst our tears (of course not in front of others). Ya , i did get touched by his music. I burst our tears is because finally i found my dreams that i actually long lost it since i enter mmu, from that day onwards, i feel so lost and my life was like empty, and i lost my control over my emotion. Now, i found out why. Why my emotion turn out to be so bad and changing faster than weather almost everyday?!

I used to calm myself down with my piano that i leave it alone for such a long time d. My piano used to be my beloved friend who accompany me whenever im happy or sad. Ya, the piano was my soul. I feel lost when i lost piano enthusiasm.

Reality doesn't suit me at all. I choose to stay inside my music world forever and ever.

那还是我的家吗？

自从我来马六甲读书后，父母以及弟妹们开始对我不一样了。父母对我特别客气； 弟妹们对我就像是敌人一样。 为什么会觉得被当成是敌人呢？

我知道我睡相不好， 有时会睡到大妹的位子（双人床）， 她每一次都会弄痛我， 叫醒我， 甚至大声骂。以前的我， 一定会骂回的； 可是， 现在的我， 却静静的躺回去； 听见她在半夜三时分， 还开着摇滚音乐， 要求把声量调低， 可是却被骂， ‘睡你的觉， 别烦我， 你不在的时候， 我也是这样开的， 你不要回来的好， 快回去马六甲吧！’ 不可思议的是， 我什么也没说， 只是静静的哭。 我明白自己好笨， 怎么我会这样？

弟妹们开始对我不满， 就连我生日的晚餐， 小妹借故肚子痛， 不要去；父亲去载与朋友聚餐的大妹知道小妹没有去， 也在后悔着， 为什么小妹没通知她。整个晚餐， 父亲唠叨着小妹不出席， 不用给她送外卖； 大妹埋怨着为什么要妨碍她与朋友的聚餐。 母亲大人只是静静的吃着。 我也只是静静的把眼泪往肚子里吞。 弟妹们开始觉得我的回来时多余的！为了希望他们对待家平客气些， 我对他们忍气吞声， 低声下气， 开始变得不是自己。 （我好恨这样的自己， 为什么我非得这么做呢？ ）

• 我能做什么呢？告诉父母吗？我能吗？有用吗？

到底发生什么事了？

3 Days In Pantai Hospital

Day 1

After i received mum's call on Thursday afternoon (28/2) i went to Hospital to visit grandpa, concern about what their needs and guess what grandma need also ( why have to guess instead of just asking them because one things for sure, she will never let you know what she need she don't want to give troubles to anyone), so, i guess she was too rush and forget to bring her sweater and some bread. When i get there, grandpa and grandma was chatting outside of the wad. They are so surprise to see me ther, Why they sat outside of the wad? this is because the wad inside is too cold for them. Har....get it, they did not bring the sweater, i passes them my sweater, they are so glad to have sweater, although my sweater quite small to them, but they did feel warm. Grandma asked for some water as the water at Pantai have some medicine smell, she cant tahan the smell. After went back from the celebration from uncle and aunty (kp's father and mother) i went back to hospital to stay with them, so that i will know what they need right away, i really cant leave them alone there. Day 2 The next morning, grandpa cannot makan since last night, not even a bite and a sip of water. we were told his operation will be held at 10am. It was already 11am yet the nurse havent inform grandpa, i chatted with grandpa, i can see he is quite nervous yet he told me he did not. just feeling cold as i hold his hand, his hand was so cold. i put on a blanket on him. Theni go and ask te nurse in charge, is it because doc busy or grandpa's name left out? The answer is doc havent come out from the opt yet. So we just waiting and waiting. About 11:20am, nurse told grandpa to be ready, grandpa went to the toilet and he take out all his watch, ring and others that will affect the opt system. When he was ready and waiting for the nurse to push him into the opt room, i hold his hand and said 'Grandpa, dun get nervous, everything will be alright and we will waiting for you here, we wont go anywhere', grandpa did not said anything and just nodded his head. Grandma said we just wait for him in the wad, but i knew actually grandma feel like going with grandpa till the opt room, so i asked grandma to accompany me to send grandpa till the opt room. Grandpa was so calm to face the opt, this kind of encouragement is hard to find from my inner part. Grandpa enter the opt room at 11:35am. I brought grandma to the canteen to have our lunch, before that i asked is she hungry, she kept deny, but after mum insisted me to bring her for lunch, only that i realized how hungry is my grandma, she finishes her mee soup in 5 min.....omg, im sorry, grandma i did not realized that u r in hunger d. After that , we waited grandpa at the waiting corner, grandma lie on the wall and closed her eyes, i asked her to have a short nap while waiting for grandpa, she refused, she wanted to wait for grandpa. I realized how tired she is and how deep is her love to grandpa. Although this is only an old husband and wife's love, but i understand how hard to maintain the love for ages, THEY DID IT!!! Grandma keep asking how long is this opt was going to be......Finally at about 2:10pm grandpa was pushed to his room, at that time he is conscious, he still can smile at us. although he cant move at all, he told us his legs was so numb, he felt so pain, grandma said he will be more pain after a while. He felt so hungry and thirsty because he's not having any sip of water since last night. After grandma feed him some soft diet, he slept. Grandma asked me to go back and take a rest and even a bath. Before grandpa has a nap, he also ask me to go back rest, im so touched, although he cant speak and in pain at that time, he still concern about me. I have not go back but accompany kp to go for a lunch at the canteen. At about 4pm before i leave the hospital i went to visit them again to see whether grandpa still in pain and is grandma need any food, but out of expectation, both grandpa and grandma was resting. By the time i leave hospital, i met with my friend, xl, she came for medical check up. When i reach apartment, i took a bath and washed my clothes. And i called mum what to buy for grandma's dinner, im sure grandma wouldnt want to have dinner outside, she wanna accompany grandpa. I asked kp to buy pork rice before he came. When i called to grandma, asked her not to makan hospital's food, i will bring the food for her, she told me she has makan, no need so bother. I replied i have bought her the dinner, i dun care i want at least she share if she dun want to makan. When i reached Hospital grandpa just had his dinner, he told me his pain on right face is getting better. I handed the rice for grandma and asked what she makan in canteen just now, because i remember she mentioned the food there expensive and full of aginomoto. Then she smiled at me, and answer actually she did not makan, she just dun wan to bother me. I was like....omg, dear grandma, why u said so, it is not trouble for me at all, you need the food and energy. Then i went makan with kp at Jusco food court as we need to go pay Digi's invoices. About 8pm i reached hospital again, as mum and uncle aunty all said they will come visit grandpa tonight, grandma was so excited, and keep asking me to call them when they will reach and the exact place and so on. I knew she was so excited. She even told everyone her daughters and sons are on their way. In a short while, mum, 2nd uncle and aunty reached, grandpa was so glad to see them although he was still so weak. In 30 mins more, Youngest aunty, 4th uncle's wife, 3rd uncle and 4th uncle's wife-son, Ivan. He is so active, running upside down. But he scare of kp, grandma and grandpa were so delight to chat v them. Ivan keep calling grandpa and grandma, both of them are so happy. The scene was so happiness, i feel so satisfy. At about 10pm smth, they suggested to go for supper, grandma said she wont follow as she has drank enough tonic from 3rd aunty and mum. She said all those is more than enough for her, she might as well accompany grandpa here. Kp and i sat separate car to guide them to mmu corner, they were so surprise to see so many stalls was still open at this hour. They all said mmu students' life is so amazing. About 11pm they all went back home and i went back to Hospital to see grandpa and grandma again. They have slept, i left my scaft there and promised i will come again next morning. Day 3 The next morning (sat morning) i woke up late, i reached hospital at about 10am, i saw grandpa has changed himself to go back today, he looked so energetic but grandma was still sleepy. Grandma said grandpa had 2 cups of milo and breads this morning, then i asked them whether they want to go out for lunch? grandma seem so happy for no need to makan here again. But grandpa seem a bit worry, i told him we no need to walk far one, he can just walk for few seconds only and we got car only that he smile at me. And one thing they worried will eldest uncle reached here when we went out makan? i called him and confirmed with them only that both of them agreed. When i asked nurses permission, they worry we might 'cabut' and refused to let go. I keep it from grandma and grandpa, after confrim with nurses what grandpa can and cannot makan. I insisted to bring them out for lunch. kp drove the car and stopped at the entrance to fetch them, they seem so surprise why car can drove till the entrance. This showed that they have been walk so far away to enter pantai. The person who always drive them here, never stop at the entrance but asked them walked such a distance. OMG!!!! how can this to happen?! I dun want to become this kind of person, i hope i can treat them good as how they treated me all the while. We went "HENG" to majan chicken rice, grandma said she saw this size of chicken ball before in youngest aunty's house, but today is so lucky can have it at the shop. Grandpa really eat a lot, he did not say anything, he just makan and makan, he was so hungry. When he wanted to go washroom, grandma seem so worry, i quickly followed him and waited him outside the washroom. At about 12pm we reached hospital again after makan and grandpa seem tired d. When we reached hospital grandpa has a short nap, and i promised grandma i will bring both of them again to visit malacca. She worry she cant tahan to walk for the whole day, i promised i will go according to their pace. She is so happy to hear that and so hope that day will come soon. At about 2pm uncle came and paid for it and also take the medicine, they leave at 2:10pm, and this time i male sure uncle drove his car at the entrance to fetch them. p/s: hope grandpa get well soon. And hope both grandma and grandpa stay healthy forever and ever.

Granpa, rest in peace

How is the feel when you are looking at doctors are emergency rescue your closed relative, like grandpa? Imagine the machine that checking his pulse was beside him. The doctors looked so uneasy, grandpa still don't have any response. Although we are not allowed to look at them, but i peeped. i know what is the worst outcome. i just hope miracle can come, but after that my grandpa did not wake up since that. i can't really know who am i d? people ask me, who is he inside the room? I can't really answer, at the same time i don't know what should i do now? All iin my mind just hoping that this scene shouldn't happen in my mind, maybe im still sleeping....i haven't wake up. my mum keep calling me, when i go fetch them, the scene i saw is.......everyone was crying sadly. The first question in my mind is 'a-gong, why u sleep without pillow? you will get hurt one, the neck will sprained. My mind is all blank, don't what has happen in few minutes. Untill now i haven't accept the truth he has leave us. My only regret is 'grandpa haven't look at me nicely before he leave'. i was with him in the afternoon but he can't open his eyes ady. He just calling my name. It seems like he has things to talk to me, just that his words are so blur i really can't understand, until today i also dunno and i know i won't get answer forever. Even when he is sleeping in the coffin, i still can't accept his leaving. I wil still hope that he can open his eyes look at me. Last time newspaper did say some people might come to live although they are died. But the miracle won't happen. It disappoited me twice, my grandpa did not come alive. How's my grandpa's life now? I hope that no one will bully him, and he has friends acompany him aside.

My Beloved Father

what is daddy in ur heart? there is only a song name ' mummy is the best' have u ever thought that, father and mummy put together will be even best? when i was a childish child, i believe what the song sang. i always think that daddy not that important compared to mummy. sumore daddy is so strict, not like mummy , treat us like precious, take good care of us, love us, listen to us. daddy used to keep silence to whatever we make. in my mind, daddy will always like a shadow. we never know what is he really look like..... untill i was 18 years old, i was selected to participate in nasional service, that was the first year, so i can say those chosen are treated like guinue pig. once i know i get selected, i cried badly. it's even worst when i told my mum, she reply ' why did u lie to me? is not fun k?' i was stung there, see, even my mum dun believe i was selected. at that time , chinese was about 20% and gals stand less than half. i was so 'unluckily' to be chosen. however for now i can say it is not as 'unluckily' as i said before. i have to keep it back. due to this incident, i understand my father more and more. i began understand him deeply, love him deeply. i can say my luggage are all prepared by my parents, i really reluctant to go there. so i din prepare anything. father knows that i love chocolate, he prepare 'tango' for me, saying that this kind of choco not easily melt, i can keep it, whenever i wanna eat , i can eat. he prepare a lot of things for me. even my mum admit she is not as elaborate as father. mum say he is the one who worry me the most, he did try a lot of ways to stop me from join ns. he willing to pay RM3000 as it stated as a penalty for those who ecsape from it. he said if he paid this money then i can prohibited from going to the camp, he most willing to pay this sum. besides,i havent leave home for even one day since i was born, so, i lied that i have theory lesson every saturday, so that i can go back home,even though it is only one and a half hour journey, daddy asked many people for the route to come KEM NASUHA to fetch me every saturday at 1pm then fetch me back again at 6pm. although there is only 5 hours and half of them is on the way back. sumore my father still have his business but he wont mind, he just hope that i can go back home. he wont mind sending me here and there. every sunday he will defintely come and visit me, everytimes he and mummy will bring a lot of food for me. all my favourite. i know i used to like outside food and fast food like kfc, mcdonald a lot. but i realized when i entered the ns, i missed home cooking very much, i dun wan any outside food, even home porridge is enough for me. To visit me and send me, he sent his car to service for how many times d. i accidentally saw the receiptS, all in march and april. i enter ns at 16 february 2004. when he called me, he will ask how is the weather there? is it too warm? is it too cold? did ur tummy still pain? gastric? hows the food there? what u want? i send to u when we go and visit u la. how are u feeling? do u want some more chocolate? i bring more for u. now is raining season, dun get sick ya. if too difficult for u to join the activities tell them u cant, rest more ya. in past, he never told me or asked me so many questions ...all the answer or questions is like 'oh ok la,....then hanged up phone.....during ns, he say 'bye and good night'...of course i cried, i was touched, i have misunderstood my father. i thought he never concern us. but now he is so worry about me. now, i can say ns do help me understand my father a lot. i realized i love my father too. i cherish home cooking. i cherish every minutes i with my family. although i am studying in mmu, i will always call my father and chat with him. after ns, he seem change a lot. he join us, he understand us well. when i was moody, he will make me laugh, he chat with me like my best friend. he will buy us fast food that he wont last time. he will say ' i love u' that most father wont say so to their children. he will always joke with us, we played together just like children. so we did not scare father, but we respect him, love him,need him, we want him happy and healthy always... DADDY, I LOVE U....I LOVE U SO DEEPLY......

mum's bday

today is my dearest mummy's birthday....and it is also the day for me to go back to campus life.....i feel so unwilling to come. when it was the time to go, i hugged mum and whispered 'mum, happy birthday'..... luckily, we cut birthday cake with mum last nite. mum was so surprised and contented. she smile happily the whole nite although it was juz a simply birthday process, my dearest daddy brought all of us for dinner as a celebration too. no wonder mum so happy la. in fact i was the happiest person that nite. that was quite a warmest day for our family. i wanna keep it in my heart forever....thanks a lot ya. thank you for daddy, mummy, sisters and brother being by my side, so that i have the opportunity to enjoy all these. haha.....muackzzz......i love u all.... this morning, i have to go back malacca d....the sweet last nite memories still remain fresh in my mind....when i reached here, totally no mood to do anything....after tat, i skipped my lunch, even though he asked me not to, but i was too moody, i juz wanna be alone.then i took my nap the whole afternoon.i wonder why everytime i come bac malacca, i will feel so moody. i miss my family a lot.....i have to overcome with it , if not i will suffering everytime i go back malacca. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUM...HUG N MUACKZZZ......