懒散的我

今天我没有心情上课， 我在宿舍对着电脑， 游网啦。。跟Winnie 聊天。。等。 总的来说， 我什么也不想做， 只想静静一个人， 跟昨晚的事情没有关系， 只是我懒惰而已。 我已经累了。。。想睡又睡不着。 我不知道我怎么了。 没关系， 就让我休息吧！

那还是我的家吗？

自从我来马六甲读书后，父母以及弟妹们开始对我不一样了。父母对我特别客气； 弟妹们对我就像是敌人一样。 为什么会觉得被当成是敌人呢？

我知道我睡相不好， 有时会睡到大妹的位子（双人床）， 她每一次都会弄痛我， 叫醒我， 甚至大声骂。以前的我， 一定会骂回的； 可是， 现在的我， 却静静的躺回去； 听见她在半夜三时分， 还开着摇滚音乐， 要求把声量调低， 可是却被骂， ‘睡你的觉， 别烦我， 你不在的时候， 我也是这样开的， 你不要回来的好， 快回去马六甲吧！’ 不可思议的是， 我什么也没说， 只是静静的哭。 我明白自己好笨， 怎么我会这样？

弟妹们开始对我不满， 就连我生日的晚餐， 小妹借故肚子痛， 不要去；父亲去载与朋友聚餐的大妹知道小妹没有去， 也在后悔着， 为什么小妹没通知她。整个晚餐， 父亲唠叨着小妹不出席， 不用给她送外卖； 大妹埋怨着为什么要妨碍她与朋友的聚餐。 母亲大人只是静静的吃着。 我也只是静静的把眼泪往肚子里吞。 弟妹们开始觉得我的回来时多余的！为了希望他们对待家平客气些， 我对他们忍气吞声， 低声下气， 开始变得不是自己。 （我好恨这样的自己， 为什么我非得这么做呢？ ）

• 我能做什么呢？告诉父母吗？我能吗？有用吗？

到底发生什么事了？

This is so-called BF

From the Celinique banting, i know that there will be workshop and roadshow for this cosmetic brand this week. I asked him whether he can accompany me. He replied, 'No.....is girls' stuff'. Then i saw so many couple there to test the cosmetic, i was getting more aggitated, is that so embarencing for him? However, we still went there together with LH.

• Me: LH, i heard got workshop for this event, don't know what is it all about.
• LH: when is it?
• Me: Today and tomorrow lo. Wanna go?
• HIM: Eh, LH, you better acc her go, i won't go with her anyway!
• LH: .............
• Me: @#$%^&*

Movie #1

Today, after dinner with him, so happenly feel like movie mood turn on green light. Out of no way, i called LH(as we mentioned earlier to watch movie of possible) and 3 of us went for the movie. We were supposed to watch 'Look for A Star'. By the time we reach MBO, it is almost 9pm, so instead of choose 'Look For A Star' at 10.30pm, we choose 'Valkyrie' at 9.30pm. In facts, i didn't put much hope in this movie as from what i was told it is actually a history of Germany. Wonder why, i was attracted with the storyline, i began more interested and eager to know what's happening after that. It is just like i am one of the role in that movie, this movie which i can say is 1 of the minority movie which attract me and convince me to write it down here after 'Enchanted' .

• Any synopsis detail, kindly refer here.
• i will rate 8/10

"I'm not a girl, I'm a lady"

"I'm not a girl, I'm a lady" which i told someone before, BUT why am i not mature enough for relationship, career, characteristic, EQ and thinking?

Pessimistic, please leave me alone!

Insomnia again!!

Of course i know i need rest at such hour. Whenever the event getting closer, brain remain max capacity, become emo with no reason.......i will insomnia. Why is it happen to me all this while? I have tried to be optimistic, i did , just that the luck is not with me yet. Why am i still bothering over something which i thought i have 'forgive' and 'forget' long time ago?

When the writing doesn't compatible with what is in my mind or when my mind kejap went blank kejap packed, i know it is time for me to rest. However, can i really rest instead of on and off the light/on off the laptop for dunno how many times in 15 min?

Random

• Can i overcome the problem which we went so far? ('WENT' doesn't mean is over ya)
• Can i gain back my confidence?
• Can i 'forgive' but not just 'forget' to whatever u have done?
• Can i mature enough to accept whatever 'childish' thingy you will do?