Heartbreak

what kind of girls you prefer actually? have the appearance of beautiful or cute one? can speak english well? well dressing everyday? can cook well? i know i have none from above. as for appearance i admit not either one, english speaking-i can say it was like 'OMG' i am from chinese education family, im trying hard to learn also. well dressing-although im not really like to, but at least when i have date with you, i will dress up myself. as for cooking, i am learning from my mum whenever i go back to my hometown, i will assist my mum to cook, im learning how to cook, for what? for myself? just because of someone praise my cooking when i first cook a chicken burger with egg, when that person compliment my cooking and finish up what i cook , although i know not as delicious as Mcd's but it did increase my confidence to learn cooking. why i choose to go back hometown after 10am every friday, firstly because i miss my family. secondly, because my mum did not cook on saturday and sunday, so friday's dinner is the only time for me to learn cooking. Now, what i did all these things are seem like a waste. that person wont cherish at all. He hope i will accompany him this weekend, i lie to my parent i wont go back this weekend due to the heavy assignment,but the only reason is i want to accompany him since i have go back almost every weekend. i try to finish up all my assignments and homework, and spend our time during this weekend. A moment before, i just realized that im really heartless towards my parents, i shouldn't lie to my parents for him, i shouldn't.....!!!!! im so sorry, daddy, mummy. please give me a big slap to wake me up, please....please.....(since you can't do it now, i will do on behalf of u both) why u make me feel so guilty? i don't know how to cook now, but i will learn. i will still cook for you in the future. why u let me know u are envy others? dun compare, my heart is pain when i know why other can cook for their bf but i can't. u always bringing a book during our date. when i talk to u , u choose to talk with your book, whenever im not with you, you choose to play game. can i describe u as hardworking or take our date as ur study time? Am i really disturb your precious time? please dun ever make me feel guilty by saying all kinds of accuses again!!! please.....this is enough for me.

BBQ's day

Today i was told all cos committees have to join cos bbq. so, i stay back, i did not go back hometown. They told me 6pm. I was there at 6.03pm, but i did not see anyone, first i thought i have late or wrong place. Then i saw some of them came. to my direction. About 6.30pm,only few of them.......about 6.45pm they are coming all the way....WHAT?! I THOUGHT IS 6PM???!!! Kp's friend came and teasing me, saying all those bad words about us. i have ady moody and this make thing worst. i can say im not so familiar with cos members, i have nothing to say to them. i was alone but it doesn't mean i am there to been bullied. I feel so sad, i decided to skip bbq and go lepak to spr. i ventured all my moody things to linhui, she console me a lot. Suddenly a guy came in with a one year old baby in hand, then they told me that is his baby? what?! so surprising.......the baby was so cute but someone said no. i also wonder why, maybe he/she don't really like baby. The baby sat on my lap and imitate his daddy's action and sound. Haha....so cute. This baby names Samual. He knows how to control mouse and strolled down the screen page. Omg!!!!! What has really happen? He is so genius. haha.....

我们的感情真是如此坚固，能顺利渡过低潮？

试问那些成功踏上红地毯的夫妻们，在他们决定与身边的异性过下半辈子之前，是否都有度过想过要分手的时期？会这样吗？这是正常的吗？只是低潮期吗？是考验吗？是否有些经不起考验的情侣们，因此各奔东西？ ‘情人眼里出西施’ 这句话，显示了情侣间爱意已经达到了那种只看见对方的好，却无视对方的缺点。可是，往往那些缺点偏偏成为他们分手的主要原因。是爱蒙蔽了清澈的双眼吧！但是又有谁能在爱情的深渊里，很理智的判断每一件与对方有关的事情呢？是否是那些刚开始，还没完全跌进爱情深渊里的情侣才能办得到吧？！我也相信那些已经经历了多少风风雨雨，最后成功在一起的情侣也能明白吧！但是，还有多少经历不起爱情风雨的爱情，还来不及踏上红地毯，以分手为结局的情侣呢？我的感情又是那一种呢？ 要是对感情都已经不相信了，对方对你的漠视已觉得心酸，看透了呢？还有挽救的余地吗？还有，在你最需要对方的陪伴时，他。。。不知又在哪儿的呢？在心理最受伤的时候，要是你已向他伸出求救之手，而他选择漠视时，会是怎样的伤害呢？旧伤口，加上盐，是何等的痛？ 情侣间不止要有信任，最重要的还是尊敬。千万别一时疏忽而无视对方的尊严，这是对对方的一种不重视，不尊敬的表现。还有，就算有了男朋友，也别冷落了身边的朋友，因为很多时候，我们需要的不是男朋友，而是朋友。 KP，我们的感情真是如此坚固，能顺利渡过低潮？

Granpa, rest in peace

How is the feel when you are looking at doctors are emergency rescue your closed relative, like grandpa? Imagine the machine that checking his pulse was beside him. The doctors looked so uneasy, grandpa still don't have any response. Although we are not allowed to look at them, but i peeped. i know what is the worst outcome. i just hope miracle can come, but after that my grandpa did not wake up since that. i can't really know who am i d? people ask me, who is he inside the room? I can't really answer, at the same time i don't know what should i do now? All iin my mind just hoping that this scene shouldn't happen in my mind, maybe im still sleeping....i haven't wake up. my mum keep calling me, when i go fetch them, the scene i saw is.......everyone was crying sadly. The first question in my mind is 'a-gong, why u sleep without pillow? you will get hurt one, the neck will sprained. My mind is all blank, don't what has happen in few minutes. Untill now i haven't accept the truth he has leave us. My only regret is 'grandpa haven't look at me nicely before he leave'. i was with him in the afternoon but he can't open his eyes ady. He just calling my name. It seems like he has things to talk to me, just that his words are so blur i really can't understand, until today i also dunno and i know i won't get answer forever. Even when he is sleeping in the coffin, i still can't accept his leaving. I wil still hope that he can open his eyes look at me. Last time newspaper did say some people might come to live although they are died. But the miracle won't happen. It disappoited me twice, my grandpa did not come alive. How's my grandpa's life now? I hope that no one will bully him, and he has friends acompany him aside.

Good luck for your legal attachment

What’s happen? I can’t sleep at all. Is it because I have sleep too much for the past few days? I think so. I have been sleep for about 12 hours per day since I came back from Malacca.

Last few days, I emotional again. I even throw all my temper on him. But he seem won’t mind at all. On Friday night, I was throwing my temper on him, asking him bring back my laptop for me right now…….so is it obvious I’m really emotional? Of course I was just saying only. I won’t really want him to bring that to me. I don’t want him to fetch me back because I don’t want to feel so inferior when he was on the way back home, I keep thinking what will happen to him…blabblablablablabla……..Am I thinking too much? Or you can say that I’m concern about him? Ya, indeed. I am.

On Saturday night, about 9pm, I was at my father’s shop, I saw his incoming call. At first I still hesitated to answer the call, but I did answer at last. You know what he told me ….? ‘I’m at Muar now. Wait for me for 5 minutes; I will stand in front of you…!’ My respond was ‘WHAT?!’ Wonder what has happen I feel so excited? Eh, didn’t that I still angry with him? Why I so excited to meet him? When I meet him, I told him what has happen to me, he just answer that ‘you need some security’……I think he’s right. He purposely come Muar just to give me security. Thanks, if not I don’t think I will realized what will happen to me and my holiday. I thought he has all cartoons and games in his mind. I never think that he still concern about me until he can sacrifice his game and cartoon time. He told me that cartoon and game can be played anytime. But if I’m in the bad mood, he will be there for me. Omg, so touching…..

Today is his first day for legal attachment. Actually is 17^th October. However, he insisted to go today. Ok, since he has the enthusiasm let him be. I wonder what he has learned today…. (Hehe, is it treat like he is a child?) I just wonder how the progressing is. I dare not to call him until 4.45pm. I sms him. He said he will be ‘released’ soon. Haha….so happy for him. (Don’t know why so happy for him) he said he was so tired after the whole day work. He has to study all kinds of cases, long cases some more. So hurt to hear that. I ask him to rest more. I believe tomorrow will be an exhausted day also. Take care, my dear. You will get through this because you have my support.

argument.....

Nowadays, we keep argue over small matter. i wonder what has happen to us. he said i always minimize what good things he did but maximize what mistake he did!! Am i? Ok, i admit sometimes i will. I can say i hate the time comes when we need to apart....i really dun wan that to happen. So, i put all my hope and high expectation on every dating we have. I dun wan any imperfect thing happen in our dating as what i have set in my mind. i put high expectation on how well is the dating we have for every dating. But i realized the more i plan, the more i hope, the more disappointed i get. Like today, after his last paper, we are in the best mood of all. As what we plan, he go shopping with me at Mahkota Parade. i realized he was so not in the mood at all. ok, i understand maybe he has exhausted due to the final, disappointment happen in my mind d. ok never mind, i go back earlier so that he can rest earlier. Unexpectedly, once i told him i wanna go back home, he become so energetic. i wonder what has happen.....after a while only that i realized he can go back home for gaming d. sad....sad..... after that i realized he was gaming outside the whole night. Am i really too emo? Am i wrong to have more happy memories with him before his legal attachment and the Thailand trip? I plan a lot of things during the moment before he went for legal attachment, he has only few days before that. when i hint that i wanna go eye on Malaysia with him, hoping that he can plan on this. Again, out of expectation, he asked me to go ask friend where is the place...blablablablabla...... I might as well go by myself. Disappointment again. When u sad, what u hope your bf to say to u? Will u hope your bf said 'cry....cry...cry again, cry also cant help u much. cry for what? since u are in sad mood d, he answer this, what will happen? will u be very very sad until stop crying not because of happy d, is because have hate behind that d. u must be VERY HATE yourself that u express to him. As a return he did not console you, he did not help u but teasing you, what will u feel? will u feel very stupid at that time? Then maybe you will think that 'i have nobody else can depends on?' Wonder will you still express your sad to him next time? Will u? What has happen to our relationship? Maybe some distance we need now to maintain the relationship, that's why God arrange the legal attachment and Thailand trip for us. I might as well accept all this. And this is the only thing i can do now. Nothing else i can do for this relationship.

~Happy Holiday~

Yeah, holiday now. Another meaning is final exam over d. i can say i nearly give up this final due to some personal problems. At that time, one of my friend who considered as always burn midnight oil, urging me to study. she herself also cant tahan anymore. Then u can imagine how depressing i am at that time. But im really lucky to have such a friend to wake me up at that time. If not i think i will extend one year or supp paper d. Finally, all exam is over. All i expect is my holiday. I will plan for myself. kp cant accompany me this holiday because of legal attachment. So this is the holiday plan for myself....i do hope i cant live better this holiday.