our first mid autumn

today is mid autumn festival. i was thinking of celebrate with him. i remember i did hint him that i wanna light lantern and this means i did celebrate this festival. i knew now is final, but i juz hope he can celebrate our first mid autumn festival without worrying final. i can say i have hint him many times d. i wan surprise but he dun know. so i keep remind him telling him. i know for all of them this is not surprise d. for me, it is. and i like surprise. i mean happy surprise. we had dinner at his house coz his mum cooked. after dinner, he played game. today is mid autumn if he played game, what should i do? i go out and see full moon, no full moon pulak. sien...go in again. seeing him study this time....he didnt know today is our first mid autumn festival? after i telling him , i wanna go bac home d. only that he realized im bored.........he keep finding something to replace lantern.....i said since he din prepare for it, it wont come out now....he stop finding, replace with some candles. cnt even imagine how disappointed i get d. i know i cant wasting my mid autumn juz like that. i rushed bac home. i dun wan my mid autumn juz like that. another thing reveal...im stil waiting him to watch with me in cinema. i have told him so many times d. only that day i heard some one told me no this movie at cinema d. so i give up. ended up, i watch on laptop, makan mooncake, to celebrate 'our first' mid autumn....... for others maybe there is nothing. but for me it will be my memory forever. i wan to keep all of them as sweet memories in my mind forever.i dun wan any regrets in my life. that's y im so disappointed when he did not fulfill his promises. i know it is my retribution because this morning i cancel my appointment with linhui, juz wan to study with him. he will never understand how disappointed i am now. sorry, linhui, im really sorry.......... maybe remain single is the thing i should listen to mummy. if that, i wont get so many sad and disapointed things..........of course no happy thing also.......

My Beloved Father

what is daddy in ur heart? there is only a song name ' mummy is the best' have u ever thought that, father and mummy put together will be even best? when i was a childish child, i believe what the song sang. i always think that daddy not that important compared to mummy. sumore daddy is so strict, not like mummy , treat us like precious, take good care of us, love us, listen to us. daddy used to keep silence to whatever we make. in my mind, daddy will always like a shadow. we never know what is he really look like..... untill i was 18 years old, i was selected to participate in nasional service, that was the first year, so i can say those chosen are treated like guinue pig. once i know i get selected, i cried badly. it's even worst when i told my mum, she reply ' why did u lie to me? is not fun k?' i was stung there, see, even my mum dun believe i was selected. at that time , chinese was about 20% and gals stand less than half. i was so 'unluckily' to be chosen. however for now i can say it is not as 'unluckily' as i said before. i have to keep it back. due to this incident, i understand my father more and more. i began understand him deeply, love him deeply. i can say my luggage are all prepared by my parents, i really reluctant to go there. so i din prepare anything. father knows that i love chocolate, he prepare 'tango' for me, saying that this kind of choco not easily melt, i can keep it, whenever i wanna eat , i can eat. he prepare a lot of things for me. even my mum admit she is not as elaborate as father. mum say he is the one who worry me the most, he did try a lot of ways to stop me from join ns. he willing to pay RM3000 as it stated as a penalty for those who ecsape from it. he said if he paid this money then i can prohibited from going to the camp, he most willing to pay this sum. besides,i havent leave home for even one day since i was born, so, i lied that i have theory lesson every saturday, so that i can go back home,even though it is only one and a half hour journey, daddy asked many people for the route to come KEM NASUHA to fetch me every saturday at 1pm then fetch me back again at 6pm. although there is only 5 hours and half of them is on the way back. sumore my father still have his business but he wont mind, he just hope that i can go back home. he wont mind sending me here and there. every sunday he will defintely come and visit me, everytimes he and mummy will bring a lot of food for me. all my favourite. i know i used to like outside food and fast food like kfc, mcdonald a lot. but i realized when i entered the ns, i missed home cooking very much, i dun wan any outside food, even home porridge is enough for me. To visit me and send me, he sent his car to service for how many times d. i accidentally saw the receiptS, all in march and april. i enter ns at 16 february 2004. when he called me, he will ask how is the weather there? is it too warm? is it too cold? did ur tummy still pain? gastric? hows the food there? what u want? i send to u when we go and visit u la. how are u feeling? do u want some more chocolate? i bring more for u. now is raining season, dun get sick ya. if too difficult for u to join the activities tell them u cant, rest more ya. in past, he never told me or asked me so many questions ...all the answer or questions is like 'oh ok la,....then hanged up phone.....during ns, he say 'bye and good night'...of course i cried, i was touched, i have misunderstood my father. i thought he never concern us. but now he is so worry about me. now, i can say ns do help me understand my father a lot. i realized i love my father too. i cherish home cooking. i cherish every minutes i with my family. although i am studying in mmu, i will always call my father and chat with him. after ns, he seem change a lot. he join us, he understand us well. when i was moody, he will make me laugh, he chat with me like my best friend. he will buy us fast food that he wont last time. he will say ' i love u' that most father wont say so to their children. he will always joke with us, we played together just like children. so we did not scare father, but we respect him, love him,need him, we want him happy and healthy always... DADDY, I LOVE U....I LOVE U SO DEEPLY......

体谅是感情延续的重点

这几天不是怎的，心情超差的。应该是因为考试的压力吧！结果家平就这样有事没事的，让着我想他发脾气，其实，我不是真的要生气他。只是不突然知要怎样对待它。他只是忍着，忍着。。。。晚上，他像往常一样待我去吃晚餐，同样的，我没有给他好脸色。他一直逗着我笑，坦白说，我真地笑不出来，只是很想生气，骂人。他一直对我说，灯下我给你惊喜，你别一直生气。我又说，去你要去的地方随便吃就好了。结果，他带我去town，经过fun fair,我才惊醒，就问他，你说的惊喜，就是fun fair? 他什么也没说，也没有正视我。我知道我猜对了。他才笑着对我说，哎呀，保密功夫做不到家。。。我问他，为什么要带我去fun fair? 他说，因为最近我似乎心情不太好，考试压力太大了，就想说带我来这儿发泄，发泄。。。 我这样欺负他，他竟然没有生气，没有记恨，还想办法，让我解压。 他似乎忘了，他也是在考试。。。我被感动的什么也说不出来了。我很感动。他对我的用心已经超乎我预料的了。他对我的体谅与体贴，已经好得没话说了。谢谢你 可是，你真得很容易骗叻！！嘿嘿。。。。说去附近，你就去附近。。。。难怪被我发现啦！真的是，好气，又好笑。。。。 他带我去windmill吃晚餐，因为我说过这里的气氛够浪漫，不会太吵杂。吃饱饭后，我们去fun fair，他说他今天准备让我玩到尽兴为止，他会奉陪到底。玩刺激的游戏时，我把什么都喊出来了，看来我真的很多气收在心里。我大喊大叫，直到哭了出来，我承受不住太大的旋转，我吐了，他没有散开，他还帮我清理。我说想坐这，他就陪我坐这。。。最后，我真的受不了了，我要回家了，一路吐到他家，他家人吓着了。他一直很细心的拿水给我，为我拍背。我吐了，五六次，他很担心我会饿着了，可是我真的没有。反而，舒服多了。 什么都喊出来，吐出来的感觉真的很棒。。。。整个人都轻了起来。什么力气也没了。。。。什么都看开了似的。 谢谢你，家平。你对我不离不弃，那么细心的照顾我，帮我抛开烦恼。我不会让你失望的，要做一个体贴的女朋友，好好照顾你。

伤心的事比较容易记得？

为什么人往往都会记得别人做错的事？永远不会记得他为你的付出？难道你要看到他失望的表情你才会知道你错了？伤到他了？

对，今天我伤到他了。其实我一直介意secret没有在浪漫的情况下观看。那天原以为我们会去MBO看的。还很期待的。怎知他生病了，结果又取消了。等着等着，到我回家了都还没有看。坦白说，我已经不期待在电脑前看了。今天，我回家了，向他发牢骚，提醒他还未实现他的答应，他记起了，一直计划着，几时几时啦。。。。我嘴硬说，不用了啦！还要我提醒，你怎么不自己记得？好没趣！他似乎累过头了（因为从早读到晚），他有一句没一句地说，难道我已经要弥补了，你还不知足？我在生病着，又担心考试，难免会忘了。你就说你很失望，难道你就不能记得一点点我对你的付出吗？一点点地过失，你就记得一清二楚？一直放在脑海里？这句话点醒了我！！！是哦！我怎么一直记得他做错的事，他对我的付出我都不记得了。。。。

前一晚，他父亲说sumatera的地震会引起马六甲的海啸，要我们去高些的地方，他的第一句话就是，有什么事情你先走，别管我。。。。。（我）什么嘛！哪有这么严重？但是他很严肃地看着我。。。好认真。。。坦白说，要是他有什么万一，他又为我想过吗？我会怎样？可想而知，他没想过这一点。

还有，他会记得我一直想钥匙项链，那天我们一起帮朋友买项链时，发现我喜欢的项链，用尽各种办法，就为了给我惊喜，因为我告诉他，我是双鱼座的，喜欢开心的惊喜与浪漫。

当他知道我把自己的mp3借给妹妹了，没有mp3可用，他马上买一架给我，当时我们才在一起不久，早上我才向他提起，中午就有一架了。他知道我为了没有跟他一起打鼓而失望，他一听到那儿有，他马上带我去，真的事不顾一切。原来他一直把它放在心上。。。他说他知道我最怕遗憾，虽然有些迟了，但是起码他做到了。我应该不会那么遗憾了。我能不感动吗？难道这一切的一切，我都忘了。是我爱做梦的性格，让我对人对事，都要求完美？什么都要浪漫? 只要一点不是我想要的，就永远记得？我真不应该。。。

爱情考验-距离

家平下个sem就要去legal attachment了。他还担心没人照顾我，没人陪我吃饭。他一直叫我，不要每天陪他，该找回以前的朋友了。可是，我还有朋友吗？当初，我只知道陪家平，忽略朋友了。我还可以找回他们吗？我真的不知道。还有，家平有10多天回去泰国参加国际辩论赛，不是我要阻止他去。只是我真的很担心他。那里又是泰国，我很担心啊！其实我也很自私，我不希望会有那种相思的痛苦发生在我身上。他一直劝说我，那是他的一份成就，要是他放弃了，他会后悔一生。‘后悔’ 他用了这一个可怕的字眼。我真的不懂我该怎样了。我该成全他吗？会是我后悔的决定吗？我真的很怕，我想我已经到了那种不能失去他的地步了。他的一切一切似乎已经成为我的习惯。渐渐的，我失去理智了，我不懂分辨是非，对或错。这让我明白了，在爱情里，是没有理智的。让一个就算再怎么理智的人也不懂该做什么了。。。我到底该怎么劝说自己呢？我该如何是好？我很努力想让自己明白他对我们将来的努力与付出。我明白他这么努力，无非是希望我们将来能有美好的未来。我呢？我在干吗？我在无视他的努力？我在阻止他？我不为我们的将来努力，反倒在这儿阻止他？不是，我不是无视他的努力。。。。我没有。。。我就是不舍得离开他十多天啊！！！

爱情中重要的体贴

今天我回家，是麻坡的家，是妈妈来载我的。其实是家平要我回家的，因为他星期五会去kl-land office。星期六与星期天他有事要忙。他担心没人陪我，照顾我，像他一样的呵护我。起码我在家，我家人会照顾我。我却希望我能陪他，等他放工回家。他累了，我可以让他依靠，听他说说他今天有什么成就；听他说说他今天受了什么委屈，安慰安慰他，听他发发牢骚。我想坚持的。我相信没有一个人希望自己在累的时候，身边没有人可以陪伴。他只是在忍着。况且，妈说她有点不舒服，我得回家看看她，帮忙照顾这个家。我只好放着家平在一边了。因为我知道他起码还有父母会照顾他。可是，妈就不同了，她是我唯一的妈妈。下午，上完课后，妈妈来了。他也打来了。他在楼下等我，他坚持要送我，看着我回家。平时他都会送我回家，这次我不要，因为他更需要精神，而且也很危险，他是一个人回去的。我很担心，所以我宁愿他不要载我回去。他帮我把行李放进车里，然后，他在一边看着我离去。我看着他笑着，笑着送我离开。可是，我发现他皮笑，肉不笑。当我离开前，对他开玩笑，我发现他只是微笑带过。我说，你要乖哦！别找女生哦！他只是静静的对我说，这几天你要好好照顾自己，我不在你身边，你要记得准时吃饭，吃药。。。。。我都被打动了。我好想哭。我知道他对着我笑，是让我放心的回家，开开心心回家。好好享受家里的温暖，他知道我爱家。他让我回家享受，而他在外打拼。家平，加油啊！谢谢你！！

不能说的秘密

今天听着linhui给我的secret的歌。心里有些难受。昨晚我又叫家平陪我看secret了。怎知电脑有问题，一直弄着电脑，又一直打电话问朋友这，那。我的心里真的很不是滋味。这是第二次我叫他陪我看了。记得第一次希望他陪我看的，他似乎闷到了，竟然睡着了，还发梦。别人都说这出戏很感人，很适合与情人一起看。所以，我对这出戏很有期待。想象我们俩甜甜蜜蜜的一起欣赏这出戏的浪漫。我的期待真的很高。早知就不在电脑看了。这是第二次了，我又失望了。真的很受伤，没办法要怎样逼他呢？他已经很努力陪我了，可是真的没有兴趣。他只对打架，机械的戏有兴趣。昨天他看着看着，又拿着报纸翻一番，根本一点浪漫的感觉也没有。我的专心也不在了。心都碎了。失望极了。我放弃了，我根本没有心情看了，更不用说什么浪漫了。我说，别看了，我好累，送我回家吧！他吓着了，赶紧问我怎么了，怎么突然这样。可是，我当时真的心冷了，什么也不想说。结果，我什么也没有说，直说我累了。我后悔了。我不应该要他陪我看。我应该陪linhui去看，不相信什么与情人一起看会很浪漫，这句话。不然说不定我会喜欢这出戏。今天，我的心情真的很怪，心里一直闷闷的，有点碎的感觉。我告诉他了，他答应电脑好了以后要一起看，这次他会很专心的看。可是，不知怎的，我没有很期待，反而很平静的说不用了。我前两次都是抱着很大的期望看着这出戏，可是，都是以失望收场。哪有人看戏看成这样的，还得重复看几次？！有谁能向我保证下次我会不失望？我想他也很难保证吧！看来我不该抱太大的希望在一个不是自己控制范围的事情里。不然到最后失望也会是很高的。Linhui说她也是抱太大的希望去看这出戏，反而，没有惊喜。没想到，就因为这样我的心情这么糟糕。