The beginning of 2008, the ending of 11/12

What i did on the 2nd of 2008? i cant believe that word come out from my mouth too. i really just cant imagine why i have the guts to say so to him. i hate people show me no respect. i hate that. but he did after i told him so many times. he ignore me by saying that 'i go bath first' by that time i was venturing out my stress and mood emo. i tried to stop him as i dun wan him to do anything i hate the most. i knew i cant accept any disappointed from him. i admit he was the guy i hope to stay forever with. However i cant stop it at all. when he said he wanna go for a bath, i told him not first, at least listen to what i wanna say, let me finish it first. After i said this many times, he choose to ignore me and just pause me like that. It is so cruel to me, it is so rude. to be frank, i cant accept at all. his excuses was he was moody also and he thought i just throwing tantrum. Can he at least show me the basic moral value-respect? i once remind him by saying that i will break all the ties with them who show me no respect, but he seem like treat it as movie line, forget it right away no matter how many times i have remind him. I 'gave' him the chance to hurt me. I deserved it.

Merry Christmas

What do u think about my christmas? celebrated with him? count down with crowds? NO!NO!NO! ALL WRONG!!! The whole night i was sitting in front of the computer to receive files from psa group members. i need to compile all of them and send it to on 27 Dec. and i have a lot of revision on hand. Although im not celebrating with him, but i celebrating with my best friend, Wanchi. she is alone also due to her bf is currently at kl. so, i celebrating with her. we choose to go Mori because it near to my house. only two of us there, so everyone was like......why this 2 girls celebrating christmas here? but in facts we are proud of it. we ignore how people look at us, we just chatting, laughing, taking photos. we were there till 11:30pm when everyone is waiting for the countdown. but we have to go since it was really too late d. sumore her family keep calling her. so, i fetch her back and actually count down in my car............alone........singing Merry Christmas song for myself. At sharp 12:00am, he called and wished me "MERRY CHRISTMAS" actually i still think of he will forget since he was playing game at cc with his friend. haha....never think of this will happen to me- i will celebrate christmas without his accompaniment. last year, we were celebrating christmas together. although we were not celebrating christmas together, but i have got his present a day earlier-<THE GREAT COLLECTION OF STUDIO GHIBLI> i feel so touch as he still remember what my favourite cartoon. hehe...... Thanks KP for the present. i love the present you gave me.

Cup noodles!!!

Cup noodles.......it is a necessary food supply for almost all uni student. for me, nonono, 'it will never be my food supply' this is what said last time. because i will go back every weekend, friends will accompany me for food and he will bring me to anywhere where i can get delicious food. unfortunately i fall in love with cup noodles also like other uni student. thanks to him. sometimes when we were in 'strangling' situation i better to have cup noodles instead of having moody dinner with him. i found out that cup noodles consist of a lot of negative emo. it means loneliness, sad, ignorance, stress, even sometimes i feel that the noodles shape looked like words.....(no matter what words inside i can just read out a sentences related to what i read before i eat) stress + cup noodles + loneliness = final

Stressing!!!

final coming......assignment havent done yet.......due date coming. yesterday was holiday, i thought i can finish my assignment and do revision. but he keep asking me dating...dating...dating......i told him i have limited of time, if i cant finish it all on time i will be very stress.....he cant understand at all. he cant even think for my behalf. in order to please him, i sacrified my limited time for him. when he saw i looked so moody, still asking why i looked so sad? can i still look nice when i have to put my things all aside? this morning i have to register course for next sem. when i sms her, no reply, call her, nobody answer. what!!! can she have her timetable organized? no choice i went to campus on my own, i cant waiting for her d as it was already 8:50am. after waiting for some time, she did not appear yet, call her, she still at her room, wonder is she has awake or what? shouldnt she care about her course registration? ~speechless~ when i came back i was so frustrating. i call him complaint no time d la...........he reply '.....go and do lo, no point u wasting time to tell me......' i was stung there, only that i realized that i was so stupid,i looked like idiot to tell him all these!!!!! how can i just go back hometown without complete my assignment, no even some......without finish revision.....and on the other hand, maybe i will misses the chance meet with chi, 'dong zhi', christmas..........which one is more important? i dun know...i just want to be alone...the place, the time that nobody is allowed to disturb me..... ~hibernating~ shh.......

Happy Anniversary

Today is our special day. Our one year anniversary. we were together last year 11/12/2006. this date is also my younger brother's birthday. from that day onwards, we will never be forget this special and meaningful date for us.

Today he act nothing and foolish seems like he is too busy till he has forget our anniversary. In the evening, we went out at about 8.15pm. We reached 'Sampan' , a very romantic cafe, near Klebang beach. this is the place where he has booked last week. he purposely booked a place near beach and nice view with a decor 'Merry X'mas' in front of me. i feel so happiness, seem like 2 festival celebrate together. the seat is under a shield. we have sizzling chichen chop with black pepper and mushroom flavour, large orange juice and Terriyaki. it is so sweet for 2 of us. he seem so familiar with the people in charge there. the waiters there will keep smiling at him.

after we finish the dinner, he excuse himself, after a while i saw him with a banquet of flowers with a bear in front. when i still stunged there, a heart shape cake served by the waiter is placed in front of me, and then he say 'Happy Anniversary, darling'...........i was like......what happen?!!!so sudden...!!!! i stare at the cake, written there ' Happy Anniversary P N KP', and the tears bursting out, i was too surprised what he did to me. he told me he was too busy with the cake and flowers after work, that's why he went back late. i was so touching. Last time his friends told me he is not romantic type person, but he did all these because i love romantic stuff. then we share our cake with the waiters at Sampan, he said he want others get into happiness too. i asked ' how about people did not cherish it? he said, nevermind, at least there is still exist the antz.....haha,i think he is too happiness.


in the car, he show me his planning schedule, firstly he decorate his room with full of love decor, then booked the seat, the flowers, the cake, the budget blablablablabla.........whole page of A3 size for 2 days planning, i noticed one of his plan is to bring me to seremban to shop but fail because he can't take leave. this showed how he concern about our anniversary, our relationship. he looked so tired, all because of he has to plan all these things, stress with legal attachment work, not enough sleep.......

sorry and thanks kia ping. Thanks for your concern, your love, your sentimental, your caring, your attention, your effort, your everything.

Enchanted (2007) film

I love this movie very much, it can fulfill my imagination and suits my character. i was once living in fairytale's life, no reality, no facts, all imagination and dreams (of course not 'daydream' like someone la) . until the fay i step into mmu, i experienced all reality stuff. it was so cruel for me, i never think that this s how the world cruel. some more there are many of them telling me that there is out there more cruel thing in the future. i hate this cruel world.

And she is the characteristics i admired the most. and this is the only movie i watch second times. first time with him, and second time i watched with linhui, huiyin, yun qing and hsien ming. this is the first time i watched movie with friends after i came mmu and after im in a relationship. the feel is totally different, i feel more relieve, more dependent, more aware to the environment. i laugh loud as i can as i want, don't even think twice. unlike last time, i just cant be myself. i want to laugh, i want to show how happy i am, i just cant because he is by my side, although i know i just need to be by myself but i really wonder why i fail to do so.

Ah.....this is the feel with friends that i lost for almost one year. i love the songs she ag in the movie, it was just like im in the other world where full of fairytales and no reality. is this place exist? i just love this movie, it will bring me whenever i want to go that i cant in reality, where i want to be myself, i want to be alone.......where i hope to stay forever in....

Horror Weekend

i stay back this weekend. but i think this is a very terrible weekend. firstly i thought he is going to his friend's party, wonder i can let him attend it alone, after a thought, i realized that it is suffer to attend friend's party alone, so i stay back i don't really want him to be alone there. meanwhile i stay back also because of he hope i can stay back, saying that he has surprise for me. ok, since that i choose this weekend to stay back instead of next weekend. however, out of my expectation, his friend's party cancelled suddenly without informing us. wt.....i just can't imagine how irresponsible his friend is. so to make my stay back weekend more meaningful, i hope for his surprise. but......still there is nothing special, lunch->friend's present->back ixora->dinner->my brother's present->back to ixora erm........this is the surprise he mention/he wanna give me and saying that either this weekend or next weekend? at night, i received sis's call asking me a question that i cant forget for the rest of my life. 'sis, why u did not come back home?' something has happen my family all needs me but i stay back all because of him.....is it worth? why i so foolish, i neglect my family yet i choose to accompany someone that don't really need me, why i become so irrational? why i so stupid? although the thinking of asking me going back i just ignore it irrationally. because of him, i am not i am anymore. i am not the used i am anymore. can i decide on my own life without listen to him? can he become more muture, i just cant take care of 'a child' anymore. is torturing....terrible........suffering...........