是自己傻！

洞是自己挖的； 人是自己选择要相信的；幸福是自己判断，选择要托付的；所以一切后果都得自负。自己种下的孽，自己得承受。

放不下也是自己活该，不该这么看不开。不该让自己的鼻子被牵着走，喜怒哀乐不该让他都有份参与其中。自己的生活为什么他应该有份参与？自己的人生为什么他 有份干扰？他的不在乎，为什么我得痛苦； 他给的伤害，为什么我不能选择不要承受；为什么他的无知最后受伤的都是我？为什么他常挂在口中最爱的人，是他选择应该自私且伤害的对象？他明知道我有永远 都会留疤的伤口，他选择他就是那位拨开我的伤口再撒盐的人？为什么要让我一蹶不起？！

为什么是他？为什么？为什么是我那么相信的他？

三年多了，信任？不再了。伤口？被掀开了。认识？不再是我认识的他。问题？一辈子也不会解决方法了。反正他也没想过要解决。

我不会说我被你害成怎样了，我只能笑说。。。自己傻

To My so-called Elder Sis

I'm so down, i really don't know what can i do to nurture her and make her to be a better person or at least ensure she is on the right path. Ok, of course the 'wrong path' for me, is maybe a 'right path' for her, but some 'path' obviously will affected others and hurt others. Those kind of 'path' i will treat them as 'wrong path'. Just be it. I had enough, she is really gone too much. I tried my best and so many ways to contact with her with high consideration on her pride. Ok, i know we will not be communicating in normal way or chatting, so i leave an email message for her. who knows she insulting me openly. Ok, i do have pride so i hope since i respect yours, i hope u will do the same to me. However, you did not and you hurt me this far. Ok, i will stop breaking and knocking my brain to find whatever ways out for you. As long as u won't interrupt and hurt both my beloved family members & i , i won't interfere you especially when u do those 'stupid' thingy. Just go do whatever u think is correct and helpful for you. That is your life, not our responsibility to guarantee how your future & current life gonna be. Please do take care, I hope God and Deity can forgive what u have done so far and won't give you up.

Dido - White Flag - Lyrics

Graduate from MMU in year 2010

Finally, i can officially annouce myself as fresh graduate from MMU Melaka. At first, i thought my E auditing will prohibit me from graduating this year. However, i contented enough with what i got for now. Finally, i can continue my life journey to another whole new stage.

FB's parade indicates that some of my coursemate passed with flying colours, some even graduated with 1st class honour. Congrats to those who can graduate in 2010. I love this date. I think u guys too as this is a lucky year for some of us.

Then another journey comprises of working and further studies. I was wondering which professional paper is should go ahead with. ACCA or CPA? At first i thought i have found one. However, question come to me ' can study with my own self / self'discpline? Or i need some indication ( mangkin ) to push me to study table? Before i got this answer to myself, i don't think i can proceed to my selection.

p/s: Congrats again to all of my coursemate who graduate successfully in 2010! Cheers !

生气的人其实很可怜的

记得我曾经写过我与妹妹们的关系。为了弥补以往我们一起西哈的日子，还有想家的感觉，我选择回来麻坡实习。我为了不引起妹妹们跟我的争吵，我尽量躲避，不出声， 就算看见她对妈妈无理，我也视而不见，我讨厌这样的自己。 我恨自己，这么懦弱， 向恶势力低头。可是我能怎样，她看我就是这么不顺眼，我也不能明白。难道我还要开口，跟她说不行这样，她会听吗？还是会跟我大吵，然后妈妈又能怎样，在这种时候妈妈说什么，都是会被指责偏心吧？

可是听了LH的话，她不对了，作为姐姐的不纠正，怎么都说不过去吧！妈妈就算知道我没错，她不开口帮忙说话，我也不会怪她。因为我们都知道她是有不讲道理的，看心情的。

所以， 就算妹妹们之前怎样对待我，我也不计较。（本来以为我这一辈子，都会不理他们）可是在2010年头， 事情有了起色， 小妹为升学烦恼，我知道她不会跟我讨论，所以想当初我为自己做的一样，为她准备升学情报，刚开始，她连看也不看 （因为放在她的位子已经有几天了，却原封不动）当时我真的很灰心，我也想过放弃了。突然，有一天，我发现她贴上note pad拿着升学情报跟父亲讨论。之后，妈妈告诉我， 希望我可以帮忙她，在教育展的事情。 之后，她就开始与我通电话，交谈， 有关升学的事情。直到揭开她对我一直以来的不谅解，原来是误会。直到现在， 她还告诉我她的quiz拿了15/15，恭喜了。小妹要继续加油哦！

大妹的事情就难办了。近期我才发现，原来问题不完全在我身上， 缺乏自信的她，对于身边一些不顺自己意的事都认为是不公平对待，是每个人欠她的。我真不知道要怎样。补缺她认为不公平的事情吗？这也只是短暂的方法，她有个无底洞的要求，永远不会满足。你有的她都得多拿一分，才能至少 ‘安慰’ 她的无底洞。而且还会不厌其烦的要求更多，不，不是要求，是理所当然认为应该就是这样。一点不顺意，她就要向每个人射箭，看谁可以 ‘迎战’ ， 这种时候，解决方法就是不跟她计较， 放宽心看待这件事，她没了弓，就没能放箭了。

以往，我看见她放箭，我都会发镖来 ‘回敬’ 她， 结果都是两败俱伤。今天，我看她准备 ‘放箭’ 的样子，说真的我很同情她。她皱着眉头， 我还没搞懂她怎么了，她就这么烦了。其实蛮可怜的，如果我也 ‘发镖’ ， 不是也一样可怜？所以我只是淡淡回应她， 她知道我这儿没能提供他 ‘射箭’ 的空间，就向弟弟发神经。天啊！疯了吗？什么是安宁，她不明白哦！她是想把家里变得鸡前不宁，她才甘心吗？

我还能怎么解救她她? 我真的无能为力啊！

tik..tok...tik..tok...

I think i just can't just sit down and waiting time passed by as they do...Im so bored...doing nothing meaningful but just staring at my clock...tick...tok...tick...tok....

I just wonder how come HR personnel can change my comencement date as they like by just giving me a call and i was ordered to follow, no place for negotiation. Ok, due to the SHORT NOTICE, i RUN around Malacca to get myself a cosy and clean accommodation immediately. And now, i move in my things d and owner charge me starting by this month, who knows HR personnel ask me to wait for further confirmation from KL office? (What?! i thought they said they just need confirmation from JB office?) Ok, i admit that was not duly their fault, i requested to start working from 2nd week of June as i need time to get myself a accommodation first. (Don't tell me they expect me to work first without accommodation?!)

Suddenly i have 3 more weeks free for nothing. Should i take it as bonus or .....

I think i gonna start planning my 3 weeks holiday...

Phuket Island Trip

i just came back from our (KP & I) 1st international trip - Phuket Island trip with full of satisfaction because it was really a carefree & relaxing trip with spontenous planning go according to our preference and within our agreed budget.

26th May, Patong Lodge Hotel sent taxi to fetch us. So after taking some bites for supper, we have an early rest.

27th May, after contacting with tour guide A, we had our buffet breakfast served by hotel. We met 2 new friends there ( Queenz & Reith), get introduced to a Phuket Island tour guide B. Wow....tour guid A offer 2000 thai baht for town tour and tour guide B offer 700 thai batt...which should i choose then? Obviously.... So i spend 700 thai batt for town tour..we went Karon view point, Kata windmill point, entertainment spot area, elephant trekking, Big Buddha, Wat Chalong, Cashew Nut factory, pearl factory-duty free shop, t-shirt shop, some local delicaci shop....At night thanks to the tour guide B (Mr Sampan) we spend 200 thai baht each for buffet dinner at Royal Paradise Hotel.

28th May, Phi Phi Island tour trip day which cost us 1050 thai baht per pax. The bus took us up at 7am sharp to harbour and we took Sea Cruise 2 to go Phi Phi Island. At first, we went to the top of the cruise, enjoying sea breeze, but we getting regret when the sun 'come join us'. NO choice, Queenz, & i quickly apply sun block non stop until we ensure every inch of body being apply with layers of sun block. We were fetched to an unknown island (i wasn't aware what is the island is that) for snorkelling, at first i was wondering if i should join the group for snorkelling but seeing myself has been suffering seasick for this trip, i know i will continue seasick if i stay on cruise, so i get change and join the snorkelling. To save cost, we didn't sign any package at night, we just stroll around Patong beach, Bangla Road & Junceylon. We went Junceylon for Samurai Pork Burger of McD and Pork Burger of Burger King.

29th May, we spent 1900 thai baht each for Fanta Sea show with dinner buffet. After breakfast, kp & I stroll at Patong beach for sun bath but unfortunately the weather doens't really grant our wish, sky become cloudy and pouring rain after few hours. So we decided to pack up and walked to Junceylon to have our lunch at Fuji Japanese Restaurant. Due to budget constraint, we have to choose our se properly to ensure it is filling and within the budget. After that, we walked back to the Patong beach and continue our shot'ing, playing around on beach. TIme flies, we have to get back to hotel for preparation before 530pm as there will be Fanta Sea's authorised van will pick us up. It was really a grand dining area served international food as well as halal food. As for their costume, i shall describe even a cleaner's uniform is better than ours. They are well trained to serve their tourists hospitality. At around 7.45pm there is a special show to introduce speciality of Thailand. There are stalls in the Fanta Sea play ground yet we buy nothing, we can only window shopping. 'Nice to see, nice to shop, once buying, confirming broke' . The show started at 9pm, our phone camera and camera have to be kept by the counter to prohibit their content of the perfomance been leaking out. The show was amazing, the overall effect was really reach international level, but due to my shallow knowledge on Thailand's history, i wasn't really know what is the story telling us.....BUT i can confirm, the story showed why elephant is considered as holy animal for them.

30th May, wake up ar 430am, checking out at 530am, reach Phuket International Airport at 6am, we reach Malaysia at 11am. Fortunately we manage to hop on the bus to Malacca at 11.30am and we reach Malacca at 1.30pm. After taking lunch, kp & i rushed to Dahlia to check out my room and move all m belonging to new room until 7.30pm. FInally i reach home at 11pm. That is the moment i can really rest my mind, body , receptor BUT not my heart beat.

As for conclusion, bring more money when you go travelling, you will never regret. However, i still enjoy the trip very much as we encounter the hardship together. Although we don't have enough money for trip which force us to go beach, Junceylon, around Phuket area by foot, but we enjoy a lot during the strolling. We still encounter all problems together. It indicates that when we will encounter all types of problems in real life, everything will be all right if we hold our hands together, find the way out and face the challenges together. This is what i realised throughout this journey.

KP, we have come through it. Believe in ourselves, we can still be independent and handle things maturely without family's assistance.