Thursday, 31 January 2008
Failure
Fail in doing well my exam and also my relationship. Although i know not all the things will go like what has expected, this is what i get to know after entering mmu, but can we at least prevent it? Avoid to do anything that will hurt another party or anyone. For me, i believe in perfect, even though there is some imperfect things happen but i do believe that will be an end, after some incidents or imperfect things happen, our life will become better. However, things just not go as the way we like and we wish. Even though i try to make my or even our life better, but he just want to go against it. All my perfect dreams gone. I cant believe it, i cant accept, Why can he did something against our promise? My heart has break into pieces, and gone follow the wind. Can it be come back again? can it? No trust, no promise, no sincerity, no honesty, no respect.....how can it be back again? Can i live without a heart? But is it better rather than having a broken heart, and as a result the way i see things will be damn pessimistic, what the point then to have a heart back?
I skip the class today. my first MA class in new sem, in first week, i never dare to skip class in the first week, but i did today. i just cant attend the class without sunglasses or a mask. I know, rationally i shouldnt skip the class, but no point to force myself while my heart is tearing, crying, yelling.....i did force myself but finally i gave up at the time my dearest friend came to my house, i don't even know how to face anyone. Im sorry, Im really sorry.
What is 2008 for me? What is Chinese New Year mean to me? 2008 gave me a disaster that i cant avoid it, not that i dun wan to understand his situation but this is not the first time d. And he did promise me he wont repeat the mistake but he failed to hold this promise. He showed no respect d. And i am the last person to know this incident and even after the thing has happen. obviously he is only informing not looking for any solution since he know he has promised me. The reason he gave is he was in chaos. Ohic, the promises, i forgot to enforce with no exception including chaos situation. This is the thing have to bear with mind who has bf who studied law, everything must make it damn clear, including all possibilities or accidents. Ok, i admit i failed to legalise the promises. It is really a 'new course' for me to learn how to handle a law bf, and after this incidents i know actually he does not really care for this relationship. How failure i am.....
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3 comments:
Darling i didnt mean to break my promise. i know breaking the promise should never happen but sometime its almost impossible especially promise like not fetching my friends i did try but sometime its just very hard unless i break up with all my friends which is not possible. you mean the whole world to me and u know that.
y would i bother telling the whole world that i am in a relationship and letting everyone around know not to mention my relatives and also when they asking me when i will get married i will nod my head telling them that i will definetly marry u. if i do not care about u i wouldnt even tell other people i close my option when i was with u.
i know i have broken your heart but i really didnt mean it i admit i completely forgot about the promise and i am sorry darling. if i don take u seriously why would i bother meeting ur parents and even learning accepting them like my own parent. i did told u that ur num 1 in my list and 2nd comes to my parents why because your my everything.
valentines day is just around the corner and for the next many valentines i hope the only person to celebrate with me is u. i do not wish holding flowers and devastated thinking of you and hating myself for the rest of my life.
I LOVE U
no, i did not ask u to break up with all your friends, i never ask u to.
i know i make a mistake darling i am sorry i love u and i will always be this is the first time i ever felt so helpless and peng kui. i love u and i really do.
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